Friendship circle is the same

[HouseKitten]

I feel bad about this, just wondered if its fairly commonplace.

 

Split up with my ex about 3 months ago, had been together for 3 years, decided I didn't feel the same anymore. We've stayed in touch and we go out every now and then to catch a film together or get dinner. We've had the awkward conversation about me starting to see other people and he's being very mature about it.

 

Problem is this. We have pretty much the same friends. I didn't carry many close friends over from school and since we've been together his friends became mine, especially 2 girls. Now we've split, nights out are becoming an issue. I don't mind going out with him but for example - I met a guy recently through a friend and would like to see him when we go out. But it would be really cruel to flaunt a new man in front of my ex, and we can't go out as a massive group and invite my new man and not the ex, as he'll be really hurt.

 

Do I just ride this out until we have more separate groups? I feel a little bad cos I have moved on faster than he has and I want to be able to go out and flirt with men, have fun etc, but if he's there I feel almost trapped because I don't want him to be hurt by seeing that. Will this get easier or resolve itself in the future?

 

I don't want him to not be part of my life, though I've told him I'll understand if he ever needs to not see me for a while, but I feel a little like when he is around I can't be myself.

[peace_lily]

Do I just ride this out until we have more separate groups?

 

I say yes. My ex had one of our mutual friends over to his house and then tried to invite "the replacement" over so that they could hang out together just like the three of us used to. This was really hurtful to me, and after two months I wouldn't say I'm completely over it.

 

You caused his pain, and I think your note indicates that you are willing to be compassionate about it instead of a big insensitive jerk like my ex was. It's not a huge sacrifice for you to not bring the new guy along, and it would cause your ex a lot of pain.

 

Seek out some new friends that you can show off your new guy to, and let your ex have some space. He's the one who's hurting so he's the one who really needs your old friends right now. I'm not telling you to break up with your friends or anything, just to see them individually instead of in groups for awhile so that you don't have to be around your ex.

[george237]

I had the same problem. My solution was to hang out with those friends on a different time schedule and never ask about the ex because you will almost certainly hear something you don't want to and it will bore your friends.

[elizmdavis]

I had the same problem. My solution was to hang out with those friends on a different time schedule and never ask about the ex because you will almost certainly hear something you don't want to and it will bore your friends.

 

I have the same problem right now too. My ex wanted me to hang out with him and our friends last night as if nothing happened. This, one day after we decided to just cool off for awhile. It's hard because I have my own friends but his friends and I became very close too. Hanging out with them right now just seems awkward. Hanging out with him and them together...even more so for me. Especially because they think we aren't together. I deleted my facebook because I didn't want to see something that would upset me. I also, later on, don't want to hear anything from friends about him.