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"the grass is greener" or did I just drive him away?


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Hi, this is the first time I've posted here at all so...I'm a little nervous, bizarrely. My boyfriend of three years (we’re both in our second year of college and he’s about to turn 20) and I just split up 1 month ago and I've been having a really hard time of it. He wanted to take a break and the I (dumb-a** that I can be sometimes) freaked out and called him because I felt like I needed to know where our relationship was going before I left home and headed back to college (if we were going to break up anyway I felt like I should have my close friends around at least).

Up until last semester our relationship was amazing, we were both completely in love and were able to work together extremely well. We even lived together for a little over a year and everything was fine. At the beginning of last semester however I was struggling with a few things f my own and, admittedly, became rather difficult to be around. I worked on my issues however and my boyfriend said to me on several occasions that he was glad we'd stayed together and that things were a lot better. Up until a week before the break-up he was still telling me that he loved me and buying me presents and talking about stuff we wanted to do together in the future.


About a week before we broke up he started acting more distant. When I finally confronted him about it he said that he was trying to step back from our relationship so that his attitude towards what we were like now didn’t affect his decisions about what we could become. When we did break up however, he said that he really wanted to remain friends and that he would always be there as my friend and that I should try to move on and that maybe someday we would be together again. Since then he has become “best friends” with this new guy who, previously, he didn’t particularly like. Has bought a motorcycle and has started drinking way more than ever before. Whenever I see him on campus he gives me a huge hug and says things like “you should invite me over for dinner sometime” and asks all about what I’ve been doing.


In the past few weeks I've done my best to re-asses my life and have started doing more things that I enjoy such as hiking, biking, even signing up for a belly dancing class. While I've become more confident ans sure of myself, I still miss him terribly and, whats more, think that I would be able to be a much better partner should he want me back.


Basically my question is, could our break up be some-what attributed to “the grass is greener syndrome” or did I just push him away to a point that I hadn’t really realized? Also, should I try to be friends with him (not friends with benefits mind you) or should I take a step back for a while (the difficulty with this is that, since we moved to college together, we have a lot of the same friends and run in the same sort of circles). Know that I eventually do at least want to be friends with him (and think that we could be good friends since we are pretty compatible and enjoy the same sorts of things) although what I want most is for him to come back to me.



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You are both VERY young. I know that doesn't make sense to you as an explanation but it makes total sense to those who are in their 30s and beyond.

Youth is for experimentation, exploration and discovering things about yourself.


just let it be and it will sort itself out one way or another. In the meantime, focus on yourself and what you want. I'd remain in touch with him though, cordial and all that.

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When He Says He Wants Space | Begin...
When He Says He Wants Space | Beginner's Guide


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