Jump to content

Why do we hold on?


Recommended Posts

Why do we hold on to someone we KNOW isn't good for us? I haven't been here in a while... but if anyone remembers me or looks at my old posts you would know my back story - basically I was with a guy for 4 years, we lived together, one day he said he didn't want to be with me anymore, we had break up sex a couple times, I became pregnant, we tried to work on things and it just never got better. Here I am 4 weeks away from giving birth to our son and things still have yet to get better. Why do I hold on? Why don't I just leave and never look back? Part of me says its because of the baby... and part of me says because I'm hoping that in the near future he changes. He is a procrastinator, he is lazy, he doesn't have a job (hasn't since September), he hasn't helped me one bit throughout this entire pregnancy, all he does is play World of Warcraft on the computer, he has no drive and/or motivation, he just lives off his mom at 23 years old. Why do I continue to try to be with this guy when in reality I know he isn't the one I would be able to be with forever (unless he changes) - I'm already sick of his lazy habits... what makes me think that I could live with that forever? Plus - what gives him the right to even be in my son's life? All he did was have an orgasm... after that he hasn't done ANYTHING to help his son... nothing.

 

What is it that we hold on to things that we know will never work out? ](*,)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I said I'd be off here for a while, but its like crack...lol

 

 

OP: we hang on to because our hearts make it so hard to let go.

We hang on to the memories of when things were good. We hang on to the first kiss, the first intimate moment, the first morning together. We hang on to the words they say that make us feel so good. We hang on to the hope that one day they'll change, or things will change and we will be 'us' again. We hang on to the future even though there really isn't one. We hang on out of pride, we're not going to let someone leave us. We hang on out of jealousy, we're not letting someone else have them. We hang on b/c its become what we're comfortable with and we're afraid of letting go.

 

But eventually something has to give, eventually the other shoe has to drop. Eventually we have to let go. And no one can tell you 'when'....you have to decide on your own. You have to decide when you've had enough. If you don't do it for yourself then do it for your baby.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's like being a fish out of water. Whether the situation is good or bad, we become used to our environment. We can't see anything beyond what we live in.

And change is difficult for most people to adapt to. We are creatures of habit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honestly you don't need to necessarily get out, but he has to know that with a baby on the way, he must be a provider.

I do not think it is acceptable for a father-to-be to be unemployed, living with mum, and playing games all day long.

He is obviously avoiding responsibility, which might be in his nature.

While you may not be able to change him, you need to work out if he will be the father and partner you want him to be.

Going it alone as a single mum is very hard, so you need to talk with him more.

You're holding on because you believe it CAN work, and you want it to work.

 

Does he know you feel like this at all? Do you talk?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

 

The problem is there's the head and then there's the heart, and sometimes it takes a while for the two to get in sync and make proper decisions and choices.

 

I would suggest though that it is wise to wait until you've had the baby and gotten back on your feet before you toss him out... you don't want too much change and upheaval all at once.

 

you should just do what it takes to get your routine set up and get settled back in your job etc., then you can think of booting him out if he's just a drag on you and not helping.

 

Perhaps it will be a good thing if you do file for child support and he is forced to be an adult and get a job to provide that. The judge will not allow him to sit around doing nothing when there is a child to be supported.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Taylor

 

I remember your posts, and what happened. Did you move in with him, or are you still living with your parents?

 

I'm still living with my parents. They have been wonderful to me and I'm so thankful for them.

 

Wesley is living with his mom in GA... (I'm living in FL) so we aren't even in the same state right now. He says he will be done for the birth.. but I'll believe it when I see it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honestly you don't need to necessarily get out, but he has to know that with a baby on the way, he must be a provider.

I do not think it is acceptable for a father-to-be to be unemployed, living with mum, and playing games all day long.

He is obviously avoiding responsibility, which might be in his nature.

While you may not be able to change him, you need to work out if he will be the father and partner you want him to be.

Going it alone as a single mum is very hard, so you need to talk with him more.

You're holding on because you believe it CAN work, and you want it to work.

 

Does he know you feel like this at all? Do you talk?

 

 

We talk... we talked everyday for a while... then suddenly he didn't want to talk everyday and little by little we talk less... I haven't spoken to him since Monday night... last thing he said was that he'd call me around noon the next day... have yet to hear from him. Today I text him saying "You said you were going to call me at noon... on what day?" Didn't get a reply. So, I give up... I really am not going to sit here and waste my energy trying to contact him.. he knows my number and knows I am always by my cell phone so I'll just wait for him to call me.

 

 

I've told him what I'd like from him.. what he needs to do to provide for his child, etc. But it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other. I am hoping, and maybe this is why I'm holding on, is that once our son is born he will have a different outlook on life.. but if he doesn't then I think I'll just take the single motherhood road... probably be better for my child to not have a deadbeat father in his life anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Taylor, I was wondering about you the other day.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. Especially with the baby just around the corner. I'm so glad you two didnt get married.

 

I dont know why we old on. Familiarity, fear, who knows. I hope things look up for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We hold on because the pain is familiar to us and we're afraid of moving on from what we know, even if it does hurt us. We train out minds on the good times. I am in a similar situation and I am afraid of getting hurt by someone new sometimes, but nothing has felt better to me than NC and meeting new people. Your situation includes a child so that may not be for some time but you deserve better and your son deserves a beter example. Its hard, I know, but sometimes its better that we even be alone then to be in a situation that is not conducive to our personal growth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...