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CutmeRed

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Like through a camera,

My Life appears to me,

A story,

Of ups and down, black and white

Shades of gray that distort light.

 

As a child,

I run, I laugh

I play,

Two Companions join me we don’t notice the grey,

the shadow that is cast accross our lives,

The paths we would walk,

The Betrayals we would find,

 

A baby sister born,

A new source of light,

 

As a warrior I would stand tall so proud,

Make believe enemies fighting me and the light,

So happy, Gaily I would play so free,

Shocked into knowing by the sudden overcast clouds,

My parents argue, break apart from another,

Now free,

 

Confusion,

My mother takes another lover,

Not man, not father,

At first it seemed to weird to me,

Then normal,

I cared not as long as she was happy,

 

For months, or weeks,

I remember not,

My dad was so absent,

Appearances rare,

Like yeti, bigfoot, nessy,

 

Years pass,

Many beating I take,

The place of education now,

A place of brutal hate,

No fault of my own,

My mothers apparent “difference”,

Worth kicking me in,

Then escape,

 

My first companion,

A boy so like me,

So smart his mind amazing,

At the time we were best friends,

Then he sent it all crumbling down,

He had joined the shadows that haunted me so,

Caused the beatings,

Encouraged the bullying of me,

And so the first betrayal was brought

 

Peace,

If only for six weeks passed,

 

Then to a new place of learning I entered,

I thought things would be different,

Safe,

But oh so wrong I was,

 

I met new people made new friends,

Met the person who now like batman keeps me safe,

Fills me with hope,

Yet at the time just simple friends we were,

 

The second companion, my first ever love she became,

We had missed each other so greatly,

She had moved so far from me in the years,

Yet now we where close we shared our bodies,

Our hearts our heat,

Like a fool I believed it could last for ever then she betrayed me,

The second betrayal was wrought.

 

One boy a one night lover he would be,

Brothers in arms,

We were feeling so great,

Friends we lasted for only a short time,

Before a night of passion turned our happiness to dust,

And so the third betrayal was cast,

 

In the I tried to stay in my new learning center,

Broken Noses,

Concussions,

Blue and Purple beatings that crushed me inside,

Was it me who was at fault, was I the freak

 

In pain,

Self inflicted I felt normal again

I was so numb,

Dead inside,

Blood luke warm, Chilled by hate,

 

It is only now she can protect me,

My superhero who marched through this same * * * * ,

Holding my hand making me feel human again,

I’m stuck at cross roads,

 

I want to die

Don’t want to live,

What is the point,

 

 

Only for myself and her do I try to survive,

My family not enough to keep me alive,

If only to be there for that day where we hold hands,

Not to save me,

 

But to be more then friends,

 

The film ends abruptly for this is the point I am at,

A life filled with torture so far has passed,

 

----

 

I write poetry as a amateur writer, this is really what its been like for me. I cut, and have one person who brings me safety. And thats it.

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*sigh* and sometimes that attitude is what can make things worse. I understand you've just been through so much you feel that giving up is going to hurt a whole lot less then having hope and being hurt all over again.

 

But if you give up you will never have the chance. Hope is he only thing we have in life. Yes i might sound cliche but i really don't care. Its 100% true. Try and see the good things. No matter how small. It will change your perspective. I did it myself and it made a huge difference. Of course its not going to fix anything. But it will help you within yourself.

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Yes, also noticing the small stuff is good. Like when someone holds a door open for you or something. Yeah i'm not really good at giving advice..

And your poems are not crappy! That's really cool that you made money. You could use it to buy something you'd really enjoy. Like silly putty!

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