orchidrose Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 So last night I went on a third date with the guy I mentioned in my previous post. Things started out awkward, as they're wont to do at the beginning of any early date, but we ended up having a fun time. Living deep in the heart of Cihcago without a car, I don't get out of the city much, so we drove out to the suburbs and I ran some errands with him, and we went to a big chain restauran and giggled at the suburbanites. Really good conversation at dinner and by the end of the night I was a lot more comfortable with holding hands and getting big hugs from him. He had spoken in the past about cuddling on the couch the next time he saw me, so I knew he was going to want to come in. As we pulled onto my street, he asked me if I was going to show him my place. I took a second to respond and said "next time." He pulled up by my place and I went in for the kiss, which was nice. I go to get out of the car and he pulls over to the side of the street, and we kiss some more. He says "I really want to come up." I again said no. We kiss some more and he asks again. I said "Listen, I'm really not being a * * * * * . It's not that I don't want you to. Just not now." So he gets the hurt puppy look and at this point I'm frustrated and verging on pissed. I go to get out of the car and he tells me to get back in, and tries to save face by saying the conversation flowed really well between us and he likes me. I kind of brushed him off and finally got out of the car. I'm hyperparanoid about this stuff because I've rushed into things before in terms of sex, and my sister was sexually assaulted a few years ago, which makes me jittery about any guy who can't respect my wishes when it comes to that. Am I overreacting, or is this guy really a big jerk? Should I not see him again?
Batya33 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I've had second and third dates where we were in my home or his where I made it clear that we would not have sex and there was no problem with that. Of course it's fine that you said no and I do think he was somewhat pushy, but be clear with him next time that you are not ready to have sex and perhaps you can spend time alone if that is your understanding. If you are not comfortable that he will respect your wishes, that is a sign that you don't know him well enough or might be a sign that he is not a person you will ever feel comfortable with.
bmwm3 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 you did the right thing... i respect a girl more if she respects herself.... sounds kinda of like he was really pushing just for sex... might wanna look at this guy twice.. he could just be after sex, the rest is a show....
hockeyboy Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 i don't like how he didn't accept your decision twice...lack of respect and only cares about what he wants. this was your 3rd date? i dunno, if i were you it may also be the last...
FreedomRing Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 i don't like how he didn't accept your decision twice...lack of respect and only cares about what he wants. this was your 3rd date? i dunno, if i were you it may also be the last... I agree...lack of respect, and he appeared to be plotting all along. Mentioning cuddling the next time he saw you....pulling on your street, and mentioning he wanted to see your place.... I wouldn't like it.
annie24 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 i think he's been spoiled by other women having sex on the 3rd date or earlier. i guess you'll see soon enough. just be really clear that you aren't ready for it yet, and maybe don't go home with him until you are sure you know that he will respect your wishes, like batya said. let's see what happens!!!
ghost69 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 maybe he wanted to clean your apartment. congrats on staying firm with your decision. pushy guy.
KG Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Sounds a bit fishy to me.... as if he had all the right things to say to try to get you into bed. Just be careful, now that you are aware of how he comes accross.
columbine Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 sometimes i wonder if some men have any feelings at all apart from the one in their pants. I love how they think asking more than once will change your mind. As if you're going to turn round and go 'Oh, all right then!'
ghost69 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 sometimes i wonder if some men have any feelings at all apart from the one in their pants. I love how they think asking more than once will change your mind. As if you're going to turn round and go 'Oh, all right then!' ouch. i don't think i've ever asked once. they asked me in.
CutmeRed Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 This guys sounds like possible trouble, carry a tazer? If ehs worth it he should be willing to wait for an invitation not asking...
columbine Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 ouch. i don't think i've ever asked once. they asked me in. Note: I said 'some' men. And lucky for you, you must be doing something right.
Scorpion Fury Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I hate it when guys are pushy like that. It makes me have to get rude, and I don't like to get rude. It puts me in a bad mood. I wouldn't see him again.
Mavh25 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I think the real test is gonna be if he contacts you again... if he has'nt already. I'm glad you did'nt give in to him, pushy guys are awful.
annie24 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 maybe he wanted to clean your apartment. congrats on staying firm with your decision. pushy guy. lol! now i want to invite him up to my place too!
ryan2000 Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 that's quite rude. I would never do that. No just means No.............. your an idiot if you can't figure that one out! Imagine how 'persistent' he'd of been HAD you actually let him come inside. Puppy Dog eyes.......... really - what a low act! P.S. Columbine, men do indeed have feelings. Lots of us do. Please don't generalise Men because of one idiot, it's just not fair!
liveconfidence Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 That was really pathetic, and I agree with everyone who said you shouldn't waste your time with him.
redreine Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 In my opinion, if you feel comfortable with having sex that early, the only man that's worth it is the man that's courteous about it. I had sex with my ex on the third date. He asked me if I wanted to, made sure I was comfortable with it, and made sure I knew that it was my choice, and that he would never pressure me into doing anything I didn't want to do. I believe THAT is a real man.
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