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a question of romance? committment? or practicality?


sooky

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I moved country to be with my boy...we'd been together for three years before i moved, seeing eachother every six months or so...which was tough, but living together has been tougher!!!

we've struggled in the six months that i have been here, but it seems that things have finally settled down and we're getting on with our lives, and subsequently getting on much better.

 

however, i have only 6 months left of my temporary visa, and the obvious way to extend my stay here is to obtain a 'defacto' visa (visa on the grounds of a 'spouse-like' relationship with a resident). we've talked about getting this organised (especially so i can have residency rights and am able to find work that will help me on my career path, rather than part time/casual work that is unstable and better suited to travellers). However, i want him to step up and make this issue about him loving me and wanting me to stay in his country with him. and i resent that he hasnt asked me yet. i feel i am perhaps being unreasonable, but i dont want to stay if he doesnt want to ask me to stay...if that makes sense.

 

i guess im asking whether i should make this an issue about his committment levels? or to try to stay purely practical about the fact that i need this visa to work? thing is...if i dont get this visa, i wont put down roots and enjoy my time here with him...i think i need reassurance that he actually wants me to stay...otherwise, i'll have to pack up and go. what are your thoughts? xx

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You say you have talked about this so I take it he wants to get this organized with you? I am not sure what else you want...I think by being on board with you to get this done he is saying he wants you to stay even though he hasn't said it with grand romantic proclamations. Some guys are just not into the major romantic "I'll love you 'til the end of time" declarations...they prefer to show they care by what they do...and if you two have already discussed this and, he basically has to sponsor you for this, then it means he wants you there....unless what you really want is marriage...in which case you need to talk to him about it.

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hi! thanks for your reply

 

i think what i mean, is that i want him to make an effort in return for the effort that i have made in moving to the other side of the world. i want the gesture...and i want him to make it easy for me to stay here. which he hasnt done so far. and it's been six months. like i said...i want reassurance that he really REALLY wants me here, and isnt just agreeing to get this visa sorted because thats the next logical step, or to keep me sweet...

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If I would you I would just ask him straight out does he want me to stay or go. I would perhaps do this by mentioning that I might not get a permanent visa, and then see what his reaction is. It is perfectly normal for you to want to have reassurance from him! I mean, you've moved countries which is a huge thing, and so is getting a defacto visa.

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