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Who here actually even considers guys/girls in daily life?


dr_styles

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I think a few people like Corvidae and IronHorse might be very interested in this as much as me . So there's always the same advice of manning up, smiling, don't be shy, carry yourself confidently, blah blah blah, and look I'm not knocking that advice ...

 

... BUT when you can't even get past step 1 that is all useless. What I'm talking about here is that you can smile, look/walk confidently, present well, and all that, but if they don't even look twice, or even once for that matter, then you can't do anything. I don't go out socially much, but I am still "out" quite a bit with work, exercise, odd shopping, odd meal out, etc. and I'd almost think romance didn't exist. No one is interested in even looking. I know you don't do these things to meet people but even just statistically you'd think there'd be even a couple of looks over the years.

 

As I said to a mate recently, they say it might be hard at a bar/pub/club (not my thing btw) with everyone with their shields up, but you'd still have a better chance because at least their receptive to it.

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Unless you're ridiculously good looking you aren't going to simply command attention by just being there. Sometimes it's on you to approach and see what happens regardless of whether or not someone's giving you signals. Think about it -- you probably see a lot of attractive females everyday, right? What do you personally do to make them feel attractive? Do you flirt with them? Do you creepily wink at them or lick your lips or honk your horn? Judging from this post, I'd say you don't do any of those things.

 

Now, does the absense of them being hit on make these girls any less attractive? No. If you are confident, know what you're doing, and aren't bothered by the potential for rejection then you are still just as desirable and still just as big of a catch regardless of what she says or does.

 

Sometimes it's just not the time or the place to drop obvious signals of interest when you're a female. Many don't want to be labeled a s.lut, and MOST feel that how they act in the beginning will impact how much you respect them, so they're going to be very careful with how they act so as to attract the RIGHT type of guy rather than just ANY guy. If they slobber all over you or stumble over themselves sending you signals, then they're afraid you'll think they're easy.

 

Initially, nobody wants to be an easy read. You don't know her, she doesn't know you, so why should see feel comfortable being obviously flirty with you? Just walk up to her, make interesting conversation, have fun and then after that she'll probably be a lot less subtle. Everything is easier when you rely on yourself instead of "Was she smiling at me or the guy behind me?" Forget all of that. Just do it. If she says no, you have over 3 billion more to choose from. If she acts like a biyotch and says something nasty to you, just tell her she saved you from making a big mistake because you normally only date 7-10's but you thought she seemed nice. Is that a jerkish thing to say? Hell yes it is, but some people need wakeup calls.

 

Bottom line - rely on yourself and just do it.

 

EDIT:

 

Do I as a guy "consider" people? Sure. I check out females, but I pay close attention to how they present themselves and how they interact with others. If she acts like an airhead, I'm not interested. If she flirts with everyone indiscriminately, I'm not interested. If I hear her say she likes Lil' Wayne more than Tupac, I'm not interested. If any of her sentences start off with "So, like, me and my friends got TOTALLY wasted, yeah.." then I'm not interested. Does that mean I want someone who never drinks and is a goody-goody? No. However, do I want someone that presents themself as being a party-hard sexaholic? No. Those are everywhere and it's common and boring. I'm looking for the person that I can't immediately label -- she might seem quiet at first but then she gives a really deep answer in philosophy class. She might drop a funny one-liner. I might see her help someone out when she doesn't have to. I'm watching ALL of these things. I don't want an arm trophy, I want something more than that. I want someone that I can connect with on a deep level so that when things change (and they always do) we can adapt because our foundation is made up of something more than just the desire to bump uglies.

 

 

 

 

Maybe the problem is that you're focusing too much on what they're considering rather than what you want.

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Well... I get what you're saying... that was my tactic for years and seriously, as a guy just by trying to be as attractive as you can possibly be, and standing around looking confident and happy; you can still count on one hand the amount of times in any given month that you will notice a girl checking you out. And now I'm 26, and I must be looking my age because it's now been months without any female attention at all.

 

Maybe, as tyler says, if you are ridiculously good looking this will be different, but most of us aren't. If we were, we probably wouldn't be single.

 

And even then, you might not be catching girls checking you out... because just as we do when we're checking girls out... as soon as you look in their direction, they look away.

 

And EVEN after you've seen a girl check you out, you still have to be the one that goes up to her, and if you're like me, your mind becomes plagued with doubt... maybe she was checking someone else out and you just thought she was smiling at you...

 

So if you're a guy and you don't look like Brad Pitt then you simply have no other option than to be the one to initiate contact, I'm not saying 'grow a pair' because approaching girls really is difficult, just that there's no other way around it... and that sucks, it really does; but your choices are to sit around saying how much it sucks and go through life alone, or accepting that you can't do anything about it and asking girls out until eventually one of them says yes.

 

Maybe you could try what I do... I'm still not up to actually going up to girls and asking them out... but I am on an internet dating site (okcupid, it's free). I've started approaching girls on that, and so far none of them have responded to me (I think I need to find a better photo of myself) but it will get be used to rejection so that I can eventually get the courage to ask a girl out for real.

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I definitely agree with the whole attractiveness. To use the usual example, unless you look like Brad Pitt you won't get the girls flocking.

 

I'm not really talking about getting flirty looks either, or the whole shy look-away deal. A small smile would be nice but maybe even not that. A lot of people don't even look open to a Hi. I'm not dissing anyone here, just saying that I got nothing to want to "initiate contact", and if they don't even look your way or smile back (and really doing that applies to friendliness in general) then nope, nothing.

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Its funny.....sometimes you dont even realise people giving you the eye.

You could be walking through a shopping centre, and a girl could be checking you out from a shop as you walk past, and you will never know. A girl could be walking behind you and be checking you out, and you will never know, or they could be checking you out from afar, and you will never know!!

 

When you get home that day, you could have taken the fancy to several women without you even realising it! Which can be infuriating.

Its always handy if your walking through shopping centres with a friend, preferably female. Because they can spot when a girl checks out a guy.

 

 

When i catch a girls eye i fancy, i always make eye contact. with a little smile

 

 

Ive heard girls walking behind me saing "look at his butt" and not being at all subtle about it!

 

I always make myself look the best i can when i go out in public because you never know...........i make the extra effort now seeing as im now single.

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i see alot of what the OP described everyday. walking to class it seems like alot of girls and people in general try to avoid making eye contact as they walk, sometimes they pull out their cell phones and pretend they're checking something. honestly i haven't done much about it either, but an improvement would be approaching girls when they're not on the go (going to class, in a rush, etc.). it seems like that's the best time if any to go and start up a conversation

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Slowing down is half the battle. Try to maximize any waiting opportunities. In line anywhere, bus stop, train stop, anywhere you're at a standstill, even a traffic jam.

 

That's the good thing about College/Uni. Different classes with (mostly) different people all in the one place at regular times.

 

When i catch a girls eye i fancy, i always make eye contact. with a little smile

 

Aren't you supposed to smile regardless of she's looking at you and then you hope she looks up/over too? As for the female-friend-spotter, I only get that "resource" on a few occasions. Good idea but my point is not something I can say I have (to simplify things).

Another key point I'll make though is I don't speculate whether anyone did look without me knowing. In short, I didn't see it, so the result is the same and to start thinking someone must've (I dunno for the sake of self morale?) is getting into a bit of despair

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ds, on the good old days marriage was a top priority on the list of things you must do to be socially approved. you didn't have to check everytime if the other person wanted or not to be on a relationship, or if there was a common future being created there. you'd assume they all were looking for the same as you, and those who were not would either pretend it was and follow the flow (and live unhappily -or not- ever after), or voice it loud and clear. things didn't change as fast, courting could be made easier by relatives of available matches.

 

if we were on the 'good old days' guys wouldn't be so unsure of wether they should treat a girl like this or that, if they should or not hold the door. girls wouldn't demand so much from life. there was a relative consensus on that, but it has been demolished to its foundations. and here we stand, trying to set those new basis daily, with a bazillion more variables influencing the process, and lists as long as giraffe's necks of do's and dont's that happen to change almost every day. I, for instance. grew up believing the first thing in my life should be to constitute family. by 15, i decided it would only happen after college. by 17, after I got a stable economic situation.

 

now that college is almost over, my priority is a master's degree, and whatever happens to cross my path will be measured thoroughly before boarding the ride. isn't it a much harder barrier to overcome?

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I have noticed how the older generation all seemed to get married at a younger age, heck I'm coming up to that mark now, not that I want to anything (just saying, lol). In terms of the chivalry I'll always do the basics to anyone so it's not something that'll occur me to anyway.

 

Perhaps a better way to phrase the thread is how often do people (uhh, excluding players go for a cold approach, essentially, versus getting a signal to do anything first?

 

For instance I've read corvidae mention a few times, and one of my good friends, and myself, will only bother considering anything if they get some sort of interest or even general friendliness (think of "the kind old lady"?) to say Hi.

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