Should I feel bad for my dad if I kill myself

[K12]

I had a rough childhood, it was filled with tons of verbal and physical abuse from my family including my father

 

over the last few years I can tell my dad feels bad for me and maybe feels guilty over things that happened a long time ago

 

At the same time I have problems I just cant live with, I am going to have to kill myself, the one thing holding me back more then anything is I kind of feel bad for my dad, when I talk to him on the phone I can tell he cares about me and it is killing him what I am going through

 

At the same time I am sure it is killing him what is happening to my life, I am probably going to go on disability soon and at 29 that isnt something that is easy to take

 

I am going to have to kill myself, but the one thing holding me back is my dad, I can tell he cares about me and it kills me when ever I talk to him on the phone and I can tell it is killing him

 

Do I survive just for my dad, do I live a life of * * * * and pain just for my dad? I dont blame my dad for how I turned out, if anything my miserable childhood gave me alot of strength, I blame myself and some things that have happened over the last few years to lead me to the shape I am in

 

I am going to have to kill myself I just dont know what to do, it kills me that my dad is now starting to show how much he cares about me but at the same time I have to put myself out of my misery

[ButterflyWrists]

death isn't the solution, want to talk to us about whats happened?

 

Feel free to PM me.

 

Butterfly

[HappyAsALark]

Your life can never be bad enough to take it away from yourself. Don't just live for your father, live for yourself as well.

[denise_14]

your life is very precious, please don't resort to suicide to end your problems..

[K12]

this isnt a matter of me taking my life

 

should I live for my father? I dont think I can live how I am

 

do I survive just for my father so he doesnt have to feel the guilt the rest of his life? he will probably outlive me to

[ButterflyWrists]

You need to find something you enjoy. I know in the depths of depression and dispare we can loose sight of all the good things. And I can understand wanting to give up due to past problems, and by the sounds of recent problems.

 

I too am suicidal, and I am fighting the feelings.

 

There is one good thing in your life that we know about, and thats your dad. What else in your life is good? There is something, even if it seems unimportant to you right this moment.

 

You life is what you make it, and currently it feels like you have no control on how it goes. Which may be right, because of depression.

 

Have you ever had therapy?

 

And to answer your Question, you should, until all other options on helping yourself have been exhausted, and then some.

 

Butterfly

[Tiger_Lilly]

There is no doubt that sometimes death feels like such a comfortable option. Life is difficult and you don't deserve to have gone through those things. BUT...

 

You have to focus on the present. Don't let the past dictate what is in store for you in the future. Life, albeit filled with ugliness at times, believe it or not is also paralleled with infinite beauty. That is also a fact. Please do not reduce yourself to such a decision, see that your existence really is precious. Take the driver seat of your life. I know it is easier said than done but I would love for your sake if you could really try - the rewards will be worth it.

 

I have been in and out of depression since I was a child and although I can't compare my situation to yours I would like to offer you my learning that is I have accepted my condition/limitations but I have made a decision to not be a slave to it. I've also dramatically changed my circumstances which has helped me reform my life.

Please take care my friend.