Myk_ Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Basically, I am distraught. My girlfriend who suffers from depression, dumped me yesterday. This was after a great day out together in the snow, having so much fun with eachother, and her seemingly being all over me. We went out together that night, and after 10 minutes of being in the pub, she came over all weird. Then told me she didn't want to hurt me, and it's best that we leave it. I can't stress how out of my mind I am at the moment. I've had my moment of madness today, telling her how I feel, acting all soppy, saying I don't want to lose her etc, but I know full well that's not going to help. This is where I start my NC, with the hope of her coming back to me. I greatly value your support guys. So any tips on how to work this, will be a treat. Her facebook is constantly going to tell me where she's been, and what she's been up to, and I'll constantly bump into her when out. Please, I really need your help on how to be strong, because at the moment, quite simply, I'm an emotional wreck. Thankyou
vmrhine18 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I'm going through a very similar situation. My ex boyfriend is depressed also, and he always goes back and forth with me. NC is a good idea! You can do it! Stay strong!
Adge Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 How long were you with her Myk? Did she give you any reasons at all? There is nothing worse than being left on limbo. The not knowing is a killer! I'm in a similar boat, although the ex has gone from being decisive in her breaking up with me to the not so sure now. Hmmmm....
Myk_ Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 How long were you with her Myk? Did she give you any reasons at all? There is nothing worse than being left on limbo. The not knowing is a killer! I'm in a similar boat, although the ex has gone from being decisive in her breaking up with me to the not so sure now. Hmmmm.... We were only together around 5 months, but we'd spent a a hell of a lot of time together. What I can get my head around, is how random it was. We'd had the most amazing day out, and then bang, she hits me with that. You say you're in a similar boat, the only advice I can give you is to watch out. Because before you can resolve things, possibly getting back together, she's going to throw tests out to you, that you can't fail. You have to make it clear that you won't go running back to her at the click of her fingers so easily
ld25 Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Hi Myk, sorry to hear about what you are going thro'. Did she give you any reasons for breaking up? If not, do you think that her depression could be the cause or if there is any problems at all between you both in the past or now?? Dont' u think understanding and reasoning will help before going into NC?? Give her some space and time to think about what u said about u loving her etc., Depressive people often have a low self esteem and very often think that they are trouble to the ones they love and very often want to break up because they dont want to hurt others. May be if this is the case, u could tell her u r willing to support her if she wants to and will still be there for her. A little bit of understanding here could go a long way. Having said that i dont know the entire situation, may be u are already doing so... NC is not the solution for everything...unless u've tried other things.. i hope i am not confusing u..
and again Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Hi myk, i dont know if im going through the same as you or not, but it seems similar. We were great then all of a sudden she decides that she cant deal with a relationship with me or anyone of any kind, and that she`s happy on her own .Which i know she wasnt, the last two weeks we spoke, she was so down on everything, ie work , kids , money , family and friends also to a degree. she also had no intrest of going out. In the last 2 wks of lc she said that the only two times she had laughed was when she spoke to me on phone. Then bang a letter saying how she needed a fresh start, just her and her kids. I have also done all the begging in the past, but this time i replyed in a txt. i apreciate the letter at least i know where i stand now. I had to regain sum dignity somewhere. She knows how much i loved her already. What i wonder is when either she doesnt find out shes happier on her own if she will contact me at some point after realiseing what we had? SI would have helped her through anything ,she knew that. But on the other hand what if we ever did get back and she pushed me away everytime.
isayamante Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Hey. This is gonna be kinda hard for me to share, but I'm depressed myself. My boyfriend and I broke up a couple months ago, and we loved each other a lot, and it lasted for more than two years. Coming from someone who is depressed (i'm on antidepressants), you need to give her space right now. I'm doing NC with my ex and I deleted him from everything, my phone, msn, facebook, everything. It just makes it easier to not think about him all the time. I feel for you, I was a total wreck and the break up surely did not do my depression any better. NC is helping me though, to be honest, because I can focus on myself. Women (and men) want someone who is independent, who doesn't NEED someone there, and can be confident in themselves. Maybe you can send her a message, a nice and SHORT one, saying that you don't understand exactly what she's going through but you hope the best for her. And that you'll be there for her if she needs anything. Also let her know that you're doing great as well, so that she doesn't think she can just come back into your life so easily. Stay consistent with the NC thing and focus on yourself (I know it's easier said than done, but trust me, as a university student with depression who just lost her first love, If i can do it, you can too!) =)
Myk_ Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 That's really nice advice there, and I'll definitely take it on board. Update I went out last night with a friend, to a club some distance away. I'd spoke to her the day before for a little (after she made contact), and she told me that she had really terrible family issues, and a lot of things were happening at home. I got very drunk at this club, and my ex started texting me whilst I was there, saying she's so upset about the things that happened at home, and had gone to her mates house to get drunk. On my way home, she texts me asking for me to come 'rescue' her, and take her home. I went and met her, we made some bull * * * * excuse to her friend, and left. I went back to hers for a short while, and she fell asleep on my lap for around half hour. I got a cab home. She is obviously very down at the moment, that's blatent for anyone to see. I just really don't know where I stand atm. Seems the NC is off for the moment
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