annaganna Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I posted before that my ex had contacted me saying he and his recent gf broke up 2 nights ago. Well, he finally came clean about the break up, saying she broke it off cause she didnt want anything serious, that he was too clingy and she was just getting mad they never saw each other. Let me make clear that i love this guy. We dated for almost 4 years, and though we had our share of hard times, i always knew i wanted to be with him. Now though, i can tell he's hurting. I guess i didnt realize he liked this new girl so much...though he did leave me a second time for her. What can i do? I feel horrible that he's hurting over her...but i just dont know what i can do for him. I dont even think he wants anything else now other than casual hook ups from what he's said. Problem is, i know thats not who he is and his life isnt gunna go well if he starts that, combined with his new drinking and pot smoking habit. I know he'll end up like his dad and i know he doesnt want that. I just feel horrible because i hurt him, then she did too. Should i be his friend? Nothing at all? Problem is i love him, and want to help...or even be with him again
chaosa Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 How did you hurt him? Didn't he break up with you?
annaganna Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Well, he did treat me badly alot. So i in turn wasnt very cutesy or nice or very 'girlfriendy' to him. When he came back to me the first time, i was sorta dating someone else. I broke it off with him, but never told him i got back together with my ex. I told me ex that i told this guy we were together again. He found out, and thought i was ashamed to be with him. In reality, i just didnt want everyone to be in our business again. I wanted it to just be me and him for a bit, to get ourselves stable again.
1MoreChance Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I think he needs to help himself (get help) for his drinking, pot smoking, clinginess, ... You need to let that go, you cannot save him from his problems. he needs to take care of that. Tell him you are there for him, to listen and give support. Try to not think too much of the future right now as he is grieving the loss of the other girl.
HeartGoesOn Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 This is a prime example of why "NC" is the best way to heal. If you had not been in contact with him, he wouldn't have had the opportunity to dump his recent breakup in your lap. Also, by staying in contact with him, you're sending the message that you'll settle for the crumbs, and occasional hook-up that he's offering you. I'm sure that you do feel sorry for him in a way, but he's an adult who is capable of making choices. The only person that can help him right now, is himself. I think that you're selling yourself short by thinking that you can change him...you can't.
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 He dumped you twice, the second time to go running after someone else...and you are sorry that he is hurting! What about you? Does he really care that he hurt you? Clearly not...he just wants to use you. Do not be a friend to someone who just wants to use you and who treats you badly. He is not your problem...he wants to go crazy with sex and drugs...well, it's his funeral. Leave him alone and get on with your life. He certainly doesn't give two hoots about your life so why should you worry about him. Worry about your own life and moving on.
annaganna Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 I just want him back. To be honest, its all ive ever wanted. But, at the same time im so mad at him and anxious about the whole thing. I dont know whether to be fun and flirty when we talk or text, or be short and not in depth, or even just no contact at all. Its all so confusing.
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