exploding head Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 So, 8 months later... Dating. Or lack thereof. Furthermore, no desire to. I certainly notice women, but I feel like it's too much of a liability. I have a decent social life these days and meet people, but I just cant seem to make myself interested in it. Maybe I'm a little bitter towards women now? I feel lost despite making great changes in my life. I'm succeeding in areas I never have before, but I feel like my heart is dead. Anyone else feel like this? Any suggestions as to HOW to become interested in other women?
exploding head Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I guess i feel the only way im really going to get over my ex is by meeting someone new, but I have no interest. Confused
TLguy Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Do you still have contact with your ex? If so this could be a possible reason why you're finding it hard to move on..
Seymore Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I went through that for a long time with my ex-ex. I had this massive animosity towards women for about a year. Every cute one I saw, I wondered what was wrong with them. They all seemed so self-absorbed, like they were God's gift to men. "They'll use me. They'll get me to do things for them and then take off with some hot guy. They're not worthy of my attention." These are the things I would think. But, every so often there would be a girl who stood out in contrast. I guess in that sense, it was easier to see the good ones. I'd dislike so many women, then meet one who seemed so nice. Sometimes they turned out to be just like all the other ones. Sometimes they WERE nice. But animosity could be the cause.
exploding head Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 Lately I find myself starting to hate women. i dont like this.
Johnathan Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 exploding head, I'm right there with you. Still recovering from a relationship that has really messed me up. One thing that helps me get through it is coming to terms with the fact that in my town, none of the good quality women are single. None of the ones who would make you really excited to get out of bed every morning are available in any way. They're all taken and theres a reason they're taken. I used to complain alot about it and it would depress me, and then I tried to "be positive" and not think about it like that, but I realized I was just in denial. But now that I've accepted it, it takes the pressure off and I can just live my life and not worry about women so much. I see you're 31. I'm approaching my late 20's and this couldn't be more true for us. For our age range, it's almost turning into a RULE nowadays. Slim pickin's and your options are you either A) settle for something you're not thrilled with, or B) go gay. Its sad. But it helped me be happy with myself as an independent person, which no one wants to do these days. If you're wondering, "how could that be true if you landed your previous relationship?" Well actually, my previous relationship just helps my point. She went back to her ex of 8 years.
Seymore Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Even more irritating is when you find a good girl who's with a total loser. Even MORE irritating is when they whine to you about how bad the relationship is/how there's no good guys, when you're standing right there. It seems like they just want to whine. My friend, who always seems to get over his exes very fast, told me last week that life is so much easier when you realize that it's not about having an SO, and that so many people seem to base their life on finding someone and it's more stress than anything. He even referred to his current gf of over 2 years, saying that were they to split, he could be just happy anyway and that it's not worth getting worked up over. I know a lot of people say that, but buckle when it happens. He's done that before - gone through a breakup after 3 years and been just fine a week later. I don't know how.
big sigh Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Yeah, I feel the same way. Every girl I see I'm like, "Would she hurt me?" I never in a million years would have thought my ex would have hurt me, but I've never been hurt so badly in my life. So it's kinda weird, I'm worried I'm always going to be thinking in the back of my mind now, "this person is going to hurt me." I think it will pass, but I don't like feeling that way. I guess that's the risk you take being in a relationship, you might get hurt. It just sucks that stuff like that happens. I learned a lot, but I'm also going to be scared for whoever comes next.
exploding head Posted February 3, 2009 Author Posted February 3, 2009 I'm starting to think that all women really want is money. I've had this fact backed up quite a bit lately. They make me kinda sick.
Iceman26 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 So, 8 months later... Dating. Or lack thereof. Furthermore, no desire to. I certainly notice women, but I feel like it's too much of a liability. I have a decent social life these days and meet people, but I just cant seem to make myself interested in it. Maybe I'm a little bitter towards women now? I feel lost despite making great changes in my life. I'm succeeding in areas I never have before, but I feel like my heart is dead. Anyone else feel like this? Any suggestions as to HOW to become interested in other women? You can't blame all women for the failings of a few.
and again Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Yeah, I feel the same way. Every girl I see I'm like, "Would she hurt me?" I never in a million years would have thought my ex would have hurt me, but I've never been hurt so badly in my life. So it's kinda weird, I'm worried I'm always going to be thinking in the back of my mind now, "this person is going to hurt me." I think it will pass, but I don't like feeling that way. I guess that's the risk you take being in a relationship, you might get hurt. It just sucks that stuff like that happens. I learned a lot, but I'm also going to be scared for whoever comes next. You have taken the words right out of my mouth, the one girl i never thought would hurt me did, even in times i.e. the odd day when the relationship didnt seem that great to me, i would not say anything to make her uneasy because of the relationships (poor treated not great) in the past. Because i knew on the whole we were good. Now im going to have trouble trusting the next and they may be perfect.
jennamajig Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 You can't blame all women for the failings of a few. Exactly. We are all not out there to hurt you. In fact, there are some really great women out there looking just looking for a decent respectable guy (hell, I'm one of them!). But learning to trust again is hard, and that could be part of attraction and relationships.
Seymore Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 We are all not out there to hurt you. Yes, you are. Just kidding. I mean, I understand the "You can't judge all women because of a few". Well, I've been cheated on, lied to, disrespected and abused more often than not in relationships. Tell me that doesn't skew your idea of the opposite sex. If 9 people who walk up to you smiling end up kicking you in the shin, what are you going to think when the 10th one comes along?
jennamajig Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 Yes, you are. Just kidding. I mean, I understand the "You can't judge all women because of a few". Well, I've been cheated on, lied to, disrespected and abused more often than not in relationships. Tell me that doesn't skew your idea of the opposite sex. If 9 people who walk up to you smiling end up kicking you in the shin, what are you going to think when the 10th one comes along? You may duck when that 10th person comes around, but a small part of me would hope that this will be the person to prove me wrong. Optimist, huh? Although, I'll tell you it has taken a long time for me to gain back even a gain of that optimism. My ex didn't cheat, but he promised to never lie and he lied quite a bit in the end. I didn't because frankly, I suck at it When anyone hurts you - romantic and otherwise, because I went through a lot of rejection growing up in the friend world before nursing a broken heart - it can be easy to believe everyone will. Being cynical is so much easier because you just don't have to expect anything. You're never disappointed. But you also ended up bitter and miserable, I think. I guess I'm learning life is about taking chances. And chances mean getting hurt every once in a while. But I see enough good sometimes to have to believe that not everyone can't be bad and at the end of the day, there is a nice guy out for me. There could be a nice girl out there to change your mind someday as well
thorpe Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 I guess i feel the only way im really going to get over my ex is by meeting someone new, but I have no interest. Confused I'm just like you, so don't worry you are not the only guy who has trust issues. I was devastated by the betrayal of my ex-wife, because I thought she was one of the people I could count on 110% and I loved her even more than that. Now I understand how unhappy she was and that she did most of what she did to survive. Still it's left me not really wanting to open myself up to the chance of that happening again. I too have succeeded in the rest of my life, financially secure, house paid off, friends and lots of time to do stuff like cycling, go to the theater, opera, cinema etc. I'm pretty sure I'll stay single for the rest of my life because after 12 years I still miss my ex and can't even think of being with another woman. I'm reasonably happy, but get depressed around the holidays. FYI I am in LC with the ex.
Seymore Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I see your point. And jennamajig - if there's a billion people in the world, I'm confident some nice girl will change my mind. If all the heartbreaks made anything at all easier, it's that the good one will be that much easier to find. But I'll still duck. I converse with good women daily, they just are well above my age range, involved, or work with me...or all three. So I know they're out there. I'm just in "closed up" mode, I guess. On the defensive, since it's so soon after my last breakup.
jennamajig Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I see your point. And jennamajig - if there's a billion people in the world, I'm confident some nice girl will change my mind. If all the heartbreaks made anything at all easier, it's that the good one will be that much easier to find. But I'll still duck. I converse with good women daily, they just are well above my age range, involved, or work with me...or all three. So I know they're out there. I'm just in "closed up" mode, I guess. On the defensive, since it's so soon after my last breakup. Very true. I'm almost four months out myself and really only seeing the light again within the last couple of weeks. I'm thinking about dating again - even have an offer, but I'll admit it is hard to not duck and take that plunge again. Best of luck to all of us when we finally try again
HereAndNow Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 After my ex broke my heart, I didn't dislike men per se, I just lost interest in men for a long time. But recently a man appeared in my life and I didn't even have to think twice about agreeing to go on a date with him. I just liked him and it came naturally. In the end, it didn't work out because fear got the best of me, but I'm working on that. So, in my opinion, you'll know when the time is right and the right woman comes along - there will be little resistance on your side.
StressLevel Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 Im in the same problem, i had GFs in the past when i was on my 10yo-20yo, i used to be interested and masturbate alot thinking about girls... but in the last 2 years im experiencing a lack of interest in women, mainly because i work too hard and dont have time for dating and also i dont have a great social life... but my problem is that when im with a girl, there is a chance that i will not get totally, fully erect or hard(my penis), or i will be unable to cum, so, to investigate my problem, i watched some porn movies... in the movie with girls i can get erect normally and ejaculate, but i will have to make my penis hard by estimulation(touching), meanwhile, when i watched an asian tranny video my penis got erected really fast, without any estimulation!, anyone had or have the same problem??do u think im gay??i dont like mens.. i like trannys though, are they the same thing?? i dont have an especific question sorry, just wanted to share this, and see if someone else know what is going on with me, or have the same experience, i will be really glad if someone reply to, we are not perfect thinking machines but we can improve a lot , with good comunication, sorry about my english, btw im 24yo now. HAVE NICE DAY
simplexity Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 All of you who are having issues with trusting someone else again be it a boy or girl..the only thing i can say is you've got to STOP blaming another person from the previous pain or hurt u have had..no matter how someone else hurt you or betrayed you..you have to learn to forgive them and think that they are human too and that they can make mistakes..instead of seeing yoursel in a victim's perpectives..look at urself as being strong enough to have survived that painful experience. You have to turn things around and get ahold of yourself and control your emotions and fear from getting the best of you. You are stuck with the past because you havent really tried to come out clean from it and learned to take responsibility and forgive urself from making those mistakes..no one can save you from where u are at unless u make effort to be stronger than that and learn to give another person a chance they truly deserve...if u continue to think of negative about others the more likely u will attract those individuals..the only way to learn how to swim is for u to jump at the water again. Hope this helps..take care
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