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Is he gay or am i being paranoid?


What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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I've been with my partner for 3 years, and its generally been a really happy relationship till now.

I keep finding things that point to him being gay or maybe even cheating on me with a bloke.

I went bk home for a couple of days to see my family, when i got bk for some unknown reason i checked the history on our computer. It showed that he'd been watching gay porn.

He used to be bi-sexual and said he looked to see how he felt about it, he said he didn't find it a turn on and it was clarification for him. So i let it go!

I then went to change the sheets on the bed and noticed marks on them, feseas on top of the sheets at the bottom of the bed. I could hardly breath i confronted him n he said he hadn't been well and messed him self.

This has never happened since i've been with him, and if thats the case. Why ontop of the sheets n at the bottom. N surely if you did do that you wud automatically strip the bed n wash it.

Nothing makes sense is he cheating?

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People might not agree with me, but the gay porn does not equal cheating. The fact that it's gay might upset you, but you did know he had a bi-sexual history and to be honest, I don't think people generally can grow out of their sexuality. But that does not in any way equate to him cheating on you, it just shows he watched gay porn because he was curious. As to the sheets, you may just be being paranoid because the porn thing has set your alarm bells ringing.

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With exception to the sheets thing, I would venture to assume that he's just trying to find himself in the midst of some sort of life transition--he seems somewhat confused or something and probably feels embarrassed about the things he may or may not be doing. I'm assuming he's not over 30, but in any event, it's actually pretty normal for men and women to either experiment with others of their own sex or to explore their bodies in different ways.

 

I can't blame you for being weirded-out by all this, but I suggest just giving him some time. If the places in the bed keep showing up, then it might be time to ask yourself if you think this is the right guy for you, especially if you begin to loose patience by his suspected secrecy--after all, you're in this relationship, too, right?

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I think he is likely embarrassed about the fact he's looking at gay pron. About the sheets, yeah its bizarre he didnt wash them. There is still a possibility he wasnt cheatting, possibly playing with a toy. If you dont have a problem with him looking at porn and playing with toys, it would be a good idea to tell him. It would be a good idea to discuss boundaries, what each of you is comfortable with.

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Not sure why the top of the bed was soiled, but, if you are having problems with loose stools, it is possible to have a small accident and not really realize it. Or, to transfer it from clothing onto the sheet without being aware.

 

I hope it turns out well for both of you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't know if he's gay or not, but you said you keep finding things that point to it. What other things besides stained sheets? Viewing gay porn doesn't make you gay. Have you caught him in any lies before this? Sometimes people have a gut instinct when something is wrong. Hope you get things figured out.

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One thing that struck me was that he told you that he used to be bisexual, this atleast tells me he is comfortable enough talking about it. I guess the question is are you? If you are uncomfortable talking about it with him, and prefer to leave it as an "unspoken accepted truth" and you can live with it, then that is a decision you can make. I would say make a decision either way.

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