Just wanna know..

[Stinkweed]

I went out with this girl last week. So about 5 days after that I called her and got voicemail. So I just left a quick one saying "Hey, it's me _____, hope you had a nice weekend. I was just calling to see what's up (I meant to say something more along the lines of 'if you had a minute to chat' but meh) and I was going to ask you if you were free this upcoming weekend. Give me a call back whenever you get the chance. Hope your project goes well. Bye." I mean, at this point I know how things are supposed to be, but I'm just wondering... I mean, if I were dealing with a friend I've known for a while I wouldn't think anything and would think my message was appropriate, but I am (or was) dealing with a girl I am (or was) still getting to know so I was just wondering if this type of thing is appropriate (Just something about my own message struck me as weird. I mean I hadn't talked to her in 5 days after a first date and meh. Who cares? I would've said very different things if I had gotten a chance to actually talk to her).

 

For future reference. So, what do you think? I don't care if she'll call back. I think it's kinda 50/50 (looking back I THINK our 1st date went decent... wasn't as great as I had expectations for, but for being the first time I EVER do this, I think it went alright. She wasn't in a hurry to get rid of me or anything, and she said she liked it and wanted to go out again. On the other hand she might've lost interest for whatever reason cause it's what girls/people do), but either way everything will be okay. I feel like working on approaching more girls anyway, so if this one doesn't call back, hopefully I'll find one that will soon. Just wanna know, lol. I heard that 5 days isn't too long, but if it was I'm just wondering if my message was still pertinent...

[ProtestTheHero]

Sounds fine. For future reference I wouldn't wait this long for our age bracket. I think most of the college-aged females are preparing to give up on a guy once day 5 rolls around, but you didn't say anything forward or awkward. You'll find out soon enough.

 

I think you've done a very good job all things considering. It's cool to see that things are on the up and up for you, man.

[somethngwrng]

There was nothing wrong with your voicemail, imo. It was to the point and you got accross what you were calling for. That's what voicemail is.

 

Though I don't know what was said on the date, (I'll just assume from your post, I could be wrong) I don't think it's the best time to put someone on the spot by asking if they want to do something again soon. Let the time roll around, if they want to go out again, you will. Being overanxious and asking about a second date, while still on the first, I think women find a turn off. They like to be kept waiting a bit ("Is he going to call?", etc).

[Stinkweed]

Sounds fine. For future reference I wouldn't wait this long for our age bracket. I think most of the college-aged females are preparing to give up on a guy once day 5 rolls around, but you didn't say anything forward or awkward. You'll find out soon enough.

 

I think you've done a very good job all things considering. It's cool to see that things are on the up and up for you, man.

 

Yeah I guess 5 days might be a bit much. I was thinking that as well, but I heard that it wouldn't necessarily be too late. Oh well. I did call this "late" for a reason, cause I was busy + I didn't know where to ask her out to. I would think if she wasn't lying by saying she enjoyed her time, she should call anyway. But what do I know?

 

There was nothing wrong with your voicemail, imo. It was to the point and you got accross what you were calling for. That's what voicemail is.

 

Though I don't know what was said on the date, (I'll just assume from your post, I could be wrong) I don't think it's the best time to put someone on the spot by asking if they want to do something again soon. Let the time roll around, if they want to go out again, you will. Being overanxious and asking about a second date, while still on the first, I think women find a turn off. They like to be kept waiting a bit ("Is he going to call?", etc).

 

Well I didn't ask her on a second date or was overly anxious about it either, really. We kinda just said "let's hang out again sometime. We could go do this or that" to each other just in different words. Nothing specific, really. If THAT'S a reason she wouldn't go out with me a second time, she's most definitively not worth my time anyway, lol. Seriously... Is dating a minefield now, and that was one of the mines I stepped on? I find it ridiculous. I was thinking of not calling at all anyway, cause I suspected 5 days was too much, and I suspected I wouldn't get a hold of her if I tried to call, and that she might not get back to me. I mean, I'm not ANGRY or anything, just... how do I put this? Why does it look like she has to, or doesn't, approve of me now? It should be the other way around, lol. Seriously, dating sucks. It is this type of thing that makes me wanna just give up on trying to date. Girls (or people) are too afraid to disagree and so this is the way things are...

[rain283]

Hey, first off, your voicemail was totally fine.

 

I agree with Tyler, 5 days is a fairly long amount of time. It's no big deal -- just for future reference. It's better that you call a little sooner and not have a specific idea for a date then wait so long. Honestly, if a guy had waited 5 days after a date to call me, I would have just assumed that he didn't like the date as much as I thought he had and moved on. It's not about what you're supposed to do or not, think of it as the signals you're sending out.

 

And don't worry about what was said on the date. It sounds really ok. What we don't like is being put on the spot (which I suspect you wouldn't like it either) with a blunt question about the second date. It sounds really ok the way it happened.

 

If she doesn't call you back, it means that she didn't really like you the date/you that much after all. I don't think I would have not called back a guy I really liked just because he waited 5 days before calling me. I really don't think you have done anything wrong and good job for putting yourself out there (that's what I'm trying to do right now as I don't believe guys should do all the work). It'll get easier, trust me.

[Stinkweed]

Yeah I know I did alright, especially for it being the first time. I was just saying that if it was one of those trivial things the reason she won't call back, it'd be so ridiculous I'd be glad she didn't call back at all. I'd totally understand if she weren't that much into me (in which case she shouldn't have said "let's do this again sometime, I enjoyed this..."). I used to think the guy called for the 1st date (which I did) then the girl called for the 2nd (I mean, how does this work? Do I keep calling for the 3rd date and 4th and 5th too and so on). I guess it's not true, lol. Well, it doesn't matter. I was determined to approach other girls anyway since I knew this one was gonna work... Now all I gotta do is start approaching random girls like ghost said... stop saying I will and actually do it!

 

EDIT: I wanted to say that she stepped on several minefields herself, but I thought they were such trivial things I didn't care.

[somethngwrng]

It's generally the job of the guy to set up the dates, up until everything's comfortable. At least so I've been told. Haven't met any women that were aggressive to set up dates, unfortunately.

[Stinkweed]

It's generally the job of the guy to set up the dates, up until everything's comfortable. At least so I've been told. Haven't met any women that were aggressive to set up dates, unfortunately.

 

I guess now I know, lol. Even if 5 days is too late I'd expect HER especially to understand seeing how when she called back she called days after she said she would. If she doesn't call cause she thinks 5 days is too much, I'm definitively gonna have a laugh from it. Meh, it's no big deal... I wish I were in the mood to hit on women, though. Haven't felt particularly sociable the last few days... Not because of this, just having a bad week. Wish I were in the mood to even wanna try but instead I feel apathetic I don't even care.

[Kiteless]

Am I the only one out there that doesn't understand this "wait to call X amount of days" type of rules? If I go out on a date and I had a great time, I'll always have some sort of communication either after the date or the next day. If I don't hear from you by then I'll think you have no interest in continuing. Granted, I tend to date people that I click with ridiculously well, so it is possible I am the odd man out. I don't think I've gone home from a date before 3 am in a long time due to the conversation.

 

If you like a girl, let her know. If she is freaked out that you called the next day or the day after that, I would say she is way too much of a rules girl. Rules girls worry me, they tend to play games vs. let a relationship take its normal course.

[Stinkweed]

I don't see the point in "the rules" either but I think at that point since you barely know the person, it might not be a good idea to call the next day. Plus, I was busy, AND didn't know where to invite her to (which now I'm told doesn't matter), but I would've much rather called sooner. It doesn't matter. She, herself always called me days after I called her, and called me last minute and I still gave her a chance. It all meant she wasn't very into me like I thought she was, I guess. It doesn't matter... I need to approach other girls is what matters now. I mean, I liked this one, and since I don't like to get numbers and not call, I wasn't trying hard to approach others, but now I feel more free to do so.

[rain283]

I don't see the point in "the rules" either but I think at that point since you barely know the person, it might not be a good idea to call the next day. Plus, I was busy, AND didn't know where to invite her to (which now I'm told doesn't matter), but I would've much rather called sooner. It doesn't matter. She, herself always called me days after I called her, and called me last minute and I still gave her a chance. It all meant she wasn't very into me like I thought she was, I guess. It doesn't matter... I need to approach other girls is what matters now. I mean, I liked this one, and since I don't like to get numbers and not call, I wasn't trying hard to approach others, but now I feel more free to do so.

 

I sincerely think you have the right attitude about pretty much everything. I'm not a "rules" and "games" kind of girl and appreciate guys that think the same.

[Stinkweed]

I sincerely think you have the right attitude about pretty much everything. I'm not a "rules" and "games" kind of girl and appreciate guys that think the same.

 

Yeah. LOL, if I followed rules I wouldn't have gone out with this girl not even that one time, cause despite flaking out on like +90% of the phone calling, I still gave her a chance, lol. I didn't htink 5 days would be a big deal either... I mean, it's not like it was an entire week or more than that. I still feel girls put up a lot of games and I fail at those cause I don't like to play them, lol. For instance "I didn't get a chance to get my good shoes" and instead of being all "You look perfect" my first instinct would be something more like "Yeah your other shoes are way prettier. Doesn't really matter though." (I say this in away more like "I know what you mean" you know? I mean I'm not one to judge cause I dress like a hoodlum). And I think girls expect the former as opposed to the latter, lol. So I guess I'll have to learn how to BS and not say what I truly think if I want to get the statistics to be on my side (the more numbers the better my chances). I dunno... All I know is that as I am right now I feel obsolete when it comes to dating. i.e. this girl won't call back, who knows when I'll get another phone number and IF I do, who knows if she'll call back... I'm told the only way to fix that is by approaching many more girls so chances of finding one that won't flake out and

[Kiteless]

All I'm saying is that if you WANT to call someone the next day, or in two days, do it. If you are busy, you should make at least a little contact (txt, email, short hey phone call) within a few days if you are interested. You don't have to call and try and make another date a.s.a.p., just make sure you touch base and make sure she knows you enjoyed yourself.

[Stinkweed]

All I'm saying is that if you WANT to call someone the next day, or in two days, do it. If you are busy, you should make at least a little contact (txt, email, short hey phone call) within a few days if you are interested. You don't have to call and try and make another date a.s.a.p., just make sure you touch base and make sure she knows you enjoyed yourself.

 

I see what you're saying. I still think 5 days qualifies as a few days, though. Maybe with another girl who actually returns calls, and calls back soon when she does, I'll feel like 5 days is a bit much (well it kinda is... depending on the situation, I guess. If she called me and left me a message I'd definitively call back ASAP). But for ME, 5 days isn't a lot. If this girl calls me back on Saturday and says she's been busy but expresses interest and what not, I MIGHT give it another chance (seeing as it's a different scenario, cause I actually left her a message and all, so I'd be more likely not to). I mean I would've probably done that myself if I had actually gotten to speak with her ("I've been busy, blah blah...").