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Depressed housewife/mom


JeckyllNHyde

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No, not me. My bf's mom. We knew something was wrong. Just weren't sure what exactly. We suspected it was due to her horrible co workers she's had to put up with.

Today we found out from the doctor she is really depressed. Signs where that they found her crying in her room once. Another time she burst into tears while talking to her daughter. (She's has a husband too though and he's taken off work to be with her some time).

 

I've never dealt with someone who I knew was depressed at the time. I'm sure my dad was for some time when my mother passed away, but I was a kid. Not really fully aware of everything going on around me.

My bf's been giving his mother alot of attention these past few days. One of the perks of having your sons in the house right? I've been supportive of him and am always trying to think of something to "fix" the situation. Or trying to "help". I feel a bit useless though.

 

I know it's a bit silly of me. There's no quick fix.

I've never been depressed though either. Sure I've had my "down" days. But I always snap out. From what I've read depression can be extremely hard to get out of and it isn't something to be taken lightly.

 

I want to help her. Or maybe help my bf help her. Any tips for dealing and helping someone who is depressed feel better? From anyone who has gone thru depression, knows more about it, is going thru it or had a loved one go thru it.

 

Thanks so much for reading.

 

 

(Man I just realised that love really has made me care deeply for once... for someone indirectly related to me. She's such a lovely person too.)

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Unfortunately, only the person afflicted by depression can truly 'solve' it. All you can do is stand strong and bear out the tough times (if she is depressed, there shall definitely be some - when she lashes out will be the worst). Do your best to keep her pointed in a positive direction. That's all you can do.

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Unfortunately, depression can only be 'solved' by the person afflicted by it. All you can do is stand strong and bear out the tough times (if she is depressed, there shall definitely be some - when she lashes out will be the worst). Do your best to keep her pointed in a positive direction. That's all you can do.

Thanks for responding.

 

Could I do so by maybe speaking positively when she seems down? Or would this be perceived as more annoying or like I'd push her more to feel sad?

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Just be a bright and fun person. Don't talk to her like a sulky child - that's basically the only concern. Mind what you say a bit. Depressed people can take things wildly out of context, at least, the 'real world' context. Depression Land is very different from the one wherein you and I live.

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You are so kind and caring. I think you should write her a note and give her a basket of some kind of comfort food like muffins or cookies or a jar of soup...whatever your specialty is. In your note just tell her that you really care about her and you will do whatever you can to help her through. If she is under medical care she will likely start feeling more like herself in a couple of weeks. I have been through depression twice and without the support and encouragement of others it would have been really tough to climb out of the pit. Both times I was on medication for a year and then I was OK to go off. The medication that I took just "gave me back to myself". I was Ok in 2-3 weeks time.Depression is a physical illness caused by seratonin depletion, and medication can help you to rebuild your levels.

 

She may be going through menopause and that really wreaks havoc on many women's moods and emotional stability.

 

If she is a woman of faith, maybe a faith centered book of support- nothing heavy- just a book with one page notes of encouragement.Orif she is not religious, any cheering support book would be nice tucked in with the muffins or whatever. But more than any gift, just your expression of concern and support will be most meaningful.

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Thanks so much berry patch. She doesn't know I know about it though. Only her husband *knows* as far as she knows.

 

I can kind of see it in her eyes, now that I know she has been told by a doc she is depressed.

 

I thought I'd get more responses though on the topic. Too bad.

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They key, as for so many things, is communication. You have to start making her comfortable to express her emotions, even/ especially when she is depressed and give her the feeling that you are taking the emotions/ her seriously.

 

The biggest problem with identifying if someone is depressed, is that whenever they start reaching out to people, people don't take them seriously enough, brush it off as having 'a bad day' or just that they are trying to force themselves to represent a cheerful front.

 

So while you should have a positive attitude when you speak to her, you should not give her the feeling that she "HAS" to be cheerful herself.

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Well, since you cannot let on that you know her diagnosis, I would say for you to be especially nice and caring. Call and ask her if she would like to come over for lunch. Take a movie to her house and watch together. Make it a light movie, and know that even if she doesn't seem to appreciate the humor she probably appreciates the company. When I was depressed I could not stand to be alone. It was awful and oppressive when I was alone, especially around nightfall. When it got dark I would almost feel panicky.

If you can help her to feel needed and appreciated that will be about the best you can do until she starts to get better. Asking her advice on something, or maybe asking her for a recipe to prepare for her son that was a childhood favorite. Don't be patronizing of course, just loving.

Don't take it personally if she rejects your offers. She will be trying to stay in a comfort zone.

I hope that helps....

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I think berrypatch's ideas are wonderful. Many depressed people have an urge to isolate themselves and dwell on their feelings, but that can make the depression worse. If you can gently encourage her to be around other people and remind her that she has people who care about her, it might do her some good.

The key though is that she needs to be getting professional help. Depression is a very treatable illness if the person is getting the right care from a trained professional.

Hope she feels better soon!

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Thanks so much for responding everyone!

 

It really is helping me get some insight, if not assuring me I'm on the right path in my actions towards her.

 

Today was good. I went over and we talked and all about random topics. I looked up stuff for her online and we chatted and discussed. Luckily she has family who visits (along with her husband) so this is all great for her.

My bf was really happy I was being so nice to her, but honestly it's not a big effort. She's very nice. One of the few people I like and who seems to really like me and isn't at all 2 faced.

 

I heard her say to someone (while I was around) she was going to see a psychologist tomorrow for the first time.

 

I have a question maybe someone can help with:

Today I heard her laughing, and I told me bf "well that's a good sign no?

And he said not exactly. He tried explaining to me that the depression isn't something which is continiously there. She'll start to feel some pain in her stomach area, and begin to feel strange. Almost nervous or really anxious. And that's what makes her feel even more depressed. (what?? didn't really continue explaining it.

 

I've seen ads for depression and they say "depression hurts". Is it supposed to hurt physically? Is it normal to have aches and pains which are part of it?

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From what I understand, depression is closely related to panic/anxiety disorders, which often trigger somatic(or "body") related symptoms such as shortness of breath, dizziness, stomach pain, nausea, palpitations, chest pain, etc.

She will hopefully like her psychologist. If you get a good fit, they can help turn your life back around.

If she is laughing, she is probably not in a major depression, so that is good. She still has stuff to work on, but probably can work through it easier if she is not way, way low.

I am glad that you saw her and that she has you!!!

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I forgot to add that psychologists have lots of methods they teach for acting right away to short circuit the feelings of depression when they get a trigger, like stomach pain. IT is like a training method, to help the person understand what is happening and why it may be happening, thereforee they can have some control over it....

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