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he doesn't love me anymore...help


rhi1205

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So the following day after hearing the devastating news from my bf i decided to have the kids go away for the night and plan an evening to maybe light some sparks. I made him supper, ran him a bubble bath and washed him head to toe, massaged his feet, then had a shower with him, washed him again head to toe,, and ended up being intimate....but didn't finish anything in the shower...got out i shaved his face and his head, then led him to the bedroom which i had lighted candles and laid out chocolates on the bed saying I Love you.....he pulled me close and kissed me and we once again got intimate. Then afterwords we watched a movie, relaxed and finally went to bed and talked....but never came to any conclusions. Other than he said the night was perfect and that he would always love me just wasn't in love with me.

 

now this is 2 days later he hasn't said he loves me , he still kisses me, still hold me, was intimate with last night again. I am trying to be strong, i still tell him i love him and show affection. However today i took him a coffee to work and when i left said i love you again, even though he only said see you later to me the 2 previous time we spoke this morning....this time though i told him and when he said bye it bothered me enough to say i cant do this either you have to tell me somewhat or i have to stop telling you...he asked me to stop telling him for awhile...

 

So once again I'm hurt and confused and scared about what to do.... I thought maybe this weekend would bring something back for him....and i thought i saw the look in his eyes that i use to see...but maybe its me seeing it because i want to so badly renew this relationship, or maybe i did and he is fighting it...

 

where do i go from here???

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I feel for you so much! I went through this very same thing many years ago, and I can still remember how much it hurt. I did learn something though: When a man says "I love you but I can't be in love with you" believe them. I tried and tried and wasted so many days, weeks, and months from my precious life trying to get him to love me again. It never happened and from what I have been told from my men friends, when a man says that, he truly means it and you can either accept that they love you less than you love them and stay with them, or you can find a man who loves you madly. The choice is yours. I have been madly loved by a man for many years now, and I would have missed this if I had stuck by Mr. Love You, Not In Love With You.

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Mines the same story as both of yours. I had those words, i had the pain. I tried to win him back and the love. But usually once its gone its gone. He wouldnt say it unless he was sure. Maybe its time to move on and find someone whose in love with you. I moved on and found someone who sweeps me off my feet, so their is hope and happiness in the future.

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DO NOT act nice in response to someone rejecting you. There is no better way to completely lose the respect of a lover then to do that. Believe it or not, the best way to get him back would have been...

 

Him: "I love you and I always have... but it's just that I'm not in love with you. You just don't do it for me anymore."

 

You: "Oh, thank God! That's such a relief. You're pretty lousy and bed, and I've been faking it for months now. You've gained weight recently, you're not a very good kisser, and you have kind of a small weiner. I wasn't going to mention that, and I don't want to hurt you, but I just didn't want you to be confused why I wasn't giving you nookie anymore."

 

Aggressive, disingenuous, mean-spirited... all the things I'm guessing that you aren't. And yet, sadly, all the things that would have been a perfect response to his romantic rejection. Men don't stay in love with women that appease them. Men fall and stay in love with women who love themselves and aren't shy about showing it to any and all comers.

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I also got the "I love you, but not in love with you" line.. It hurts like heck..Then, later on I found out he was dating someone he said was just a "friend". I agree with some of the other comments. The best thing you can do let him go. You can not force someone to be in love with you. If you do not break it off, I think he eventually will. In a way, he is telling you that he is looking at other people and you should start doing the same. Your man may be experience the "Grass is Greener" syndrome.

 

I would say it is time for you to cut your losses and let him go. You never know, once you stop contact with him, he could possible start missing what he had. Never know the future. I think you are wasting time and energy on this guy. It is time to take at his word and leave.

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Pull back or leave him.

 

Putting distance between yourself and him is unfortunately the highest likely hood that he will suddenly realize he really does love you. People like what they can't have in many cases. And if he still decides he doesn't love you then at least it'll give you a chance to find somebody else.

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I would never, ever, give a nasty answer! People have the right to not love me and I can deal with that just fine. Retaliaiton just looks like you are weak and have a very thin skin. I just finally said, "Fine" and left him. I've heard from friends recently that he still respects me for that and would like lme to call him. Nope. Ain't fallin' for that one again.

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I would never, ever, give a nasty answer! People have the right to not love me and I can deal with that just fine. Retaliaiton just looks like you are weak and have a very thin skin. I just finally said, "Fine" and left him. I've heard from friends recently that he still respects me for that and would like lme to call him. Nope. Ain't fallin' for that one again.

 

I used to feel that way, but not so much anymore. People do have a right to not love me and dismiss me, and I have the right to not be all that cool with their decision if I choose. It's a lot more genuine then just pretending to be "nice" which is really just fake and unreal.

 

If that makes me look weak then that's what's best that I convey since I actually, likely AM weak at that moment. Why hide it? That's who I am. I have more and more respect these days for people who put on less and less pretenses, try less and less to "look cool", and just are who they are.

 

And whether and ex thinks highly of you, doesn't think of you at all, or thinks you're king or queen of the universe - all of it is pretty inconsequential really.

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Not only has he told you he's not inlove with you....when given the choice of faking it, essentially, or *you* not saying it anymore, he's asked you not to say it.....

That sounds horribly painful, but he's trying to tell you something here. I have also been fortunate like JigisUp to be loved madly and it is unbeatable!!! Don't miss out on that...tell him you appreciate his honesty and he can take a hike now.

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Basically, you deserve someone that's in love with you - nothing less than that will do. Be strong and move on. It will be a hard thing to do but it's got to be a two way thing or you're just going to end up used and miserable.

 

Find someone else and take it slow and try not to wear your heart on your sleeve - let things develop and you will get a solid relationship. Good luck to you.

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I haven't had sex with him since sunday night....last night went to bed without kissing him or saying i love you, just said im going to bed...when he came to bed he started rubbing my sore shoulder, then asked if it was ok to hold me...i just said that's completely up to you....this morning he kissed me goodbye before work, i returned the kiss but didn't make the first move. Im trying to be strong and not work on everything or make the first move ....i cant move out so i have to see him every day....am i doing right, by giving the cold shoulder? I'm worried that giving him NC will push him away farther, where we already spent 1 1/2 away in a ld relationship, yet i don't want to seem needy either....

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I haven't had sex with him since sunday night....last night went to bed without kissing him or saying i love you, just said im going to bed...when he came to bed he started rubbing my sore shoulder, then asked if it was ok to hold me...i just said that's completely up to you....this morning he kissed me goodbye before work, i returned the kiss but didn't make the first move. Im trying to be strong and not work on everything or make the first move ....i cant move out so i have to see him every day....am i doing right, by giving the cold shoulder? I'm worried that giving him NC will push him away farther, where we already spent 1 1/2 away in a ld relationship, yet i don't want to seem needy either....

 

Seems like he was being a loving guy. Giving you a back rub and all.

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While I don't agree with being mean-spirited and childish about rejection, I do believe you are being too nice. For starters, letting him stay in the house, and on top of that, in your bed! Doesn't he have a friend or relative he can stay with? Or at least, sleep on the couch? He shouldn't be getting off scot-free here, even if he is a good guy. He CERTAINLY shouldn't get to have sex with you!!

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Looks to me like he's using you to get all that he wants or take all that you are willing to offer. He is selfish...if he doesnt love you why does he accept being close with you?? especially if he's not in love with you.

 

You have no choice but to move on...Sometimes loss of love/relationship can cause us to go beyond our level of self-esteem. It wont do you any good if you take so much care of him and he is just taking advantage of it. Don't bow anymore as the more care you show him he's going to hang around not because he loves you but because he can benefit from everything that comes from you..

 

Get rid of him..there are thousands of men who will be willing to look after u the way you deserve to be treated...

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140+ Cute Love Messages For Him Fro...
140+ Cute Love Messages For Him From The Heart

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