debg2003 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 So if you read my post last time I was explaining that my boyfriend and I have a problem because he likes to go out a lot and drink and stays out all night long. He would mainly do this every other weekend on the weekends that I have my daughter. So last weekend we got in a fight because he wanted to go out again on Saturday night and he had been out all night Friday. So finally tired of arguing with him about this all the time I thought of maybe a solution but I don't know if it's a good one or not...So instead of this going out for two nights in a row thing every other weekend I suggested that on weekends one night he go out with his friends and one night spend with me. Is that reasonable or am I being to easy on him? Also I should add that it's hard for me to trust him because in the past I have found phone numbers of other girls (3 to be exact). I don't know if he has ever actually done anything he swears up and down he just got their numbers but I don't know. So any advice would help on this situation.
EQD Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 right now he is choosing how he wants to spend his time. you either agree with his lifestyle or you dont but that is part of who he is. it would be spitting in the wind to ask him to change it because there is a reason its like this to begin with. take it as a sign, or deal with it.
debg2003 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 No well that's the problem is he will outright tell me he doesn't want me to go because he needs his "space" or "guy time"
dasilver Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Every other week-end doesn't seem unreasonable and you say he goes out when you have your daughter so at least get to spend some mother-daughter with time with your child right? As long as the 2 of you go out together sometimes i don't see this as being too much of a problemThe phone numbers of the 3 girls may just be friends and unless they start calling him i shouldn't worry too much about it. He should be trusted enough to have female "platonic" friends.
ghost69 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 so a whole weekend out with the boys? this is every weekend or every other? every other doesn't seem too bad.
Simply Brett Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 The guy clearly is not ready for a relationship. Unfortunately since you have put up with his alcoholism and allowed him to have all this bogus "alone / guy time" he has now taken for granted the fact that he can do this and still be with you at the same time. You give people and inch, they go a mile - this is always the case, and a difficult one to discuss because it ultimately leads to (you) in this case, being so unhappy and sick of being abandoned that you end up leaving him. Your best, and only option really is to tell him how you feel and explain that you you aren't happy being ignored. Maybe he isn't ready to be a dad, so he blows you off when your daughter is around, or maybe he just wants someone to be there when it's convenient for him - it sounds like a little of both. Guys need to understand, when they date a woman with a kid - it's a package deal, love us both or leave us both because you need a man not a boy. You ought to tell him that, and see how he reacts. As far as him not allowing you to go out with him, it's simply because he is out getting his "fix" of social interaction, and he doesn't want you to see that this may include being ungrateful and complaining, trash talking, and flirting with other women. I've been on both sides of that fence, and neither of them was a healthy option. I wish you the best.
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