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Saw her yesterday...


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No, I didn't break NC. I was driving out to my friend's place and she was driving on the same road in the opposite direction. She wasn't looking my way, though. While I was relieved she didn't see me, my heart sank into my stomach and I felt nauseous. It passed after a bit, but I keep having that moment running through my head. I mean, I knew exactly where she was going (the library, since she only took that way when she was going there) and everything, and I kept thinking about it. This stupid little 2 seconds and I was just sitting there thinking about it. Hopefully in another month or two, I won't even think twice if I see her, I'll just keep going on my merry way.

 

Last night I had a dream about her. I haven't had one in a long, long time. I was just sitting there at her house, and she was going to give me something back that was mine. She goes in the other room and instead of getting my stuff, she comes out in lingerie, then tries as hard as she can to have sex with me, basically trying to seduce me into taking her back. I turned her down and got up and was about to leave, and she was in the corner, crying. I flashed to my next dream right away, which was basically me standing in line at the grocery store, talking with an older male co-worker about Mondays. The weird thing about that dream was that when she was all over me, I felt like I did the first night she tried to sleep with me, like it was a desperate attempt to use sex to reel me in. I felt terrible that night, and was totally turned off. Same feeling in my dream.

 

I went to a game shop Friday night with a friend - it was right by my place and I never knew it, and there was a cute girl working there. My friend kept pushing me to talk to her, but I said it was still too soon to start looking again. He said "You don't have to date her, just talk to her". I may start frequenting that store more often on Friday nights, though.

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Sometimes distracting yourself with someone else your interested is great. Flirting, especially when it is a mutual flirting, makes you feel more attactive.

 

This weekend I went away and one of the girls we stayed with flirted with me, and it felt great. Later that night I went to a bar and was talking to girls.

 

It's not as if I don't think about her anymore. But when i talk to others I feel less alone and less like I'll always be alone.

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Well, when I was single before, I could flirt like no other, as long as I had a clear "in" or an opening. I'd have girls I wasn't even interested in after me without even having to try, especially at work (but I don't date girls I work with).

 

I just have to get that "push" to get over the hump and talk to them in the first place. Sometimes it would just happen where we'd talk, but I overthink initiating conversations and it causes anxiety. But once I get that little push...everything goes well.

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Well, when I was single before, I could flirt like no other, as long as I had a clear "in" or an opening. I'd have girls I wasn't even interested in after me without even having to try, especially at work (but I don't date girls I work with).

 

I just have to get that "push" to get over the hump and talk to them in the first place. Sometimes it would just happen where we'd talk, but I overthink initiating conversations and it causes anxiety. But once I get that little push...everything goes well.

 

I agree.

 

But don't withdraw from that kind of social thing. You need to be open but don't press.

 

Trust me when I say that it feels good to feel like you can still get a girl!

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