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I need advice.


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I met a girl over the summer who I fell in love with despite myself, because i knew she had a boyfriend and we lived in different parts of the country. She ended up asking me to move near where she's from, on a couple different occasions, and part of it was because I'm sort of a musician and the music scene here is great, but I also assumed maybe part of it was because she wanted me around. I ended up getting fired from my job for being late one too many times, and made a hurried decision to move near her like she asked. I was trying not to assume too much of anything or blow anything out of proportion because that's how things have gotten overly complicated in the past. I ended up hanging out with the two of them, her and her boyfriend, and she seemed to me obviously beyond him. I ended up getting my own place, she doesn't return my messages or phone calls. Her and her boyfriend break up. I get hopeful that at least I'll be able to hang out with her without that weird element, I finally hear back from her, and then not too long afterward, find out she has a girlfriend. Yes, there is that complication too, but i don't judge her for any of that and in fact I've never felt like I naturally got along with a girl, or anyone really, like I did with her. She made me happy. In general and with myself. I ended up telling her how i felt, which i think might have been selfish because she was with someone, and never heard anything back. I should have gotten the hint a while ago right? Except that I can't sleep or get it out of my head for very long and feel like i'm supposed to wait to hear something.

So here I am where i don't know anyone, definitely not anyone i could talk to about all this. I'm going through my last days of nicotine withdrawal, can't sleep, knowing I shouldn't be thinking about other things, but I don't know how to get things resolved properly. Don't be afraid to offer advice that would require me saying or doing things that most people might be afraid to do. Just give me honest opinions. I have never done something like this before. If this sounds ranty or at all incoherent, sorry it's 8am and i haven't slept yet.

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you were not ranty-- i know how you feel--

dude, by coincidence, i'm in the same position, minus the moving thing (which i almost did for her a year ago) and, i'm a musician as well-----

first-- telling her how you felt was not selfish-- what did she say when you told her how you felt?

i know how you feel-- i'm in the same position and a musician as well--

the only thing that seems wrong to me is that fact that you moved out there only because you got fired instead of staying where you were. mostly because that decision to move seemed based solely on her.

how are things with you and her now? are you in an awkward position with her?

also, more importantly are you now finding yourself in a bad spot, like, you're living in a new city and don't know too many people and you're wondering why you did this?

I've been in all those spots and i'm going through something very similar as we speak.

if you are ok in the new city you are in, i say rebuild your life-- as long as the music scene there is good. if not, then definitely move back and chalk this up as a brave thing you did by following your heart. awesome you told her too man-- you have nothing to be ashamed about.

post here as much as you want and look forward to hearing your replies.

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