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help me NOT to get my hopes up.


ryan2000

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OK - Small insight into history.

 

Still in love with my ex, separated for about a year after a 13 year relationship.

We haven't spoken since early december. Not even for Xmas, New Years.

 

She had dinner with my parents the other night, and briefly chatted with my sister.

 

My Dad says that it's clear that she still has feelings for me and still loves me - she just can't live with me.

(we had our differences in the past and one of the reasons we broke up is because i kept running away when things got tough. I have forgiven myself for that now!)

I have worked hard on myself and want to now work hard on us.

 

My sisters commented to my ex that "She looked good", to which my ex replied, "Yeah well, looks can be decieving. I get lonely".

 

 

I stupidly broke NC after hearing all this and sent her a text. Nothing heavy, just saying "hi, hope your well and would love to see you" to which she replied "Maybe this week sometime".

 

OK - so now, i just can't help but get my hopes up and i'm really scared that i'm gonna get my heart broken all over again!

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It sounds like you're doing really well for yourself, i think you should show that, i wouldn't try to rush things otherwise i'm sure, yeah, you'll get your heart broken all over again.

 

I would say not to accept the this week invitation and try to delay it till the week after cuz *maybe* usually is a bad word in this situation. it mostly means if its something she is skeptical or unsure of its a lot easier to just brush it off rather than meet up but she already stated *this week* which is troublesome. I really wouldn't get my hopes up on this, it can turn favorable, but at the same time there is just too much that can go wrong.

 

I would love to try to *not get your hopes up* but i don't want to do the opposite either. Hoping for tomorrow to be better is normal, we're human after all and want to be happy. I guess all i can say is stay strong! you've survived a year so you can't be that weak!

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you've survived a year so you can't be that weak!

i totally agree.

seems like you've done great so far.

 

& it's obvious that she still has feelings for you.

just, like you said, dont get your hopes up too much.

 

good luck!!

i'd love to hear how everythings goes.

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Yeah - umm, sadly no, i have not survived a year. I'm an emmotional * * * * * . A total whimp.

 

Most of my female friends say that i have a 'part-time vagina'.

 

Anyway, i just spoke to her. My god it was awesome to hear her voice again.

She sounded well. And said that she's working all week (she babysits in the evening after her fulltime job) but maybe after this weekend.

 

Its too late guys. i've already built up my hopes. I'm gonna be slaughtered.

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Hey buddy ... I know your going into this with good intentions, but just remember that your ex is probably feeling the same way.

 

Make sure that when you see her, build up that comfort level with her. Also, if I was seeing my ex after such a long time, I wouldn't really talk to much about the past. Try to enjoy your first time together ... make her laugh and just enjoy the day/night out. You showing her that your still funny and like to have good times will make her miss you even more and will turn on that attraction she always felt about you

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Yeah - umm, sadly no, i have not survived a year. I'm an emmotional * * * * * . A total whimp.

 

Most of my female friends say that i have a 'part-time vagina'.

 

Anyway, i just spoke to her. My god it was awesome to hear her voice again.

She sounded well. And said that she's working all week (she babysits in the evening after her fulltime job) but maybe after this weekend.

 

Its too late guys. i've already built up my hopes. I'm gonna be slaughtered.

 

Well, you probably are too emotionally invested in this still...but a year isn't long compared to the length of time you were with her.

 

In terms of your hopes being up - keep in mind that a year has passed. She may very well feel like it's simply "safe" now to try and establish some sort of friendship with you.

 

In what ways have you worked on yourself? The best way to try and get her to take a chance on something new with you is to show her that you've changed some of the things that she had problems with in the first place. There's no reason to accept all the blame for the original breakup, but i wouldn't spend much time talking about it anyway. Words aren't going to mean much as it is - no woman is going to listen to a man TELL her that he's changed, they need to see it. Most women past the age of 17 have heard a zillion guys tell them that either they're going to change, or they have changed. They don't buy it. lol.

 

If you kept running away when things got tough - are you convinced that you wont' do that again? What have you done to change that? Examine the other reasons why the two of you broke up and honestly assess whether those things would still be a problem. The key word their is "honestly."

 

In the past, I've convinced myself that I recognized patters of behavior that led to conflict in a relationship - and vowed I'd never do that again. Only to fall into old patterns when the situation came up again.

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What's the context of her having dinner with your folks? That's kinda unusual, given the circumstances, and I think knowing the context of how it came about could shed some light on where she's coming from in all this.

 

Anyway, look, you're gonna be okay, alright? At the VERY least, you know things might not go your way. Your hopes are up, but you seem to be prepared for a fall, and you're definitely stronger than you think.

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she still has some contact with my family. She loves them.

 

she loves me, she's told my parents that a few months ago.

 

I think she believes that if she gets back with me, the same old stuff will happen again and i need her to believe that it wont.

 

She meeting my dad tonight for some 'Financial Help' - he said he'd put a good word in for me.

Too late............ i have my hopes up!

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