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This is making me crazy.


Rose21

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But your actions that you claim reflect being "in love" are often not giving - they are self-absorbed and justified by a myriad of excuses and "trying" to behave in a more mature, other-centered way but not actually behaving that way. What is loving if not "giving" and "giving" can mean that you choose not to react to your emotions by suffocating him with multiple phone calls, by crying at the drop of a hat when things don't go according to your cloud 9 image and by putting your sexual needs ahead of his need for a nice long nap when he's sick.

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I am really not trying to be contrary, but rose, you can't blame your personality type on depo. Yes, depo can cause hormone fluctuations, but please...for your own sake and his stop blaming meds and/or hormones for everything. You have a clingy nature and insecure personality, that is the root cause. The depo might have aggravated it, but this personality exists in you. We can read it even now, when you have not been on depo for months. It isn't the Depo. It is your deep rooted insecurity. Just like an addict one can not truly change something until they recognize what the problem really is, and blaming this on periods, depo or birth control pills isn't really going to get you anywhere.

 

Your posts, past and present, reveal someone who is extremely insecure and a tad controlling. It is what it is. This isn't a diss. This is a post that hopefully will help you identify it for what it really is and not blaming it on some outside force.

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Give the girl a break, while yes it's good to give the guys some space it's a bit worrying when you say "speak to me at this time" and the guy doesn't when he normally does. I'd understand if she was constantly calling him to tell her to leave him be a bit but I'd be a bit anxious if my guy didn't answer if he *said* he was going to answer at a certain time.

 

My coping method when I'm worried is to remember something my grandad said, which is that 99% of the time there will be a totally rational explaination and that makes me realise there are many more likely things that could have happened that mean he's totally fine but just delayed for some reason, rather than things that mean something's wrong.

 

If an hour and a half has passed, then my advice stands firm that one should relax and do something else for awhile lest they chase someone away. What is an hour and a half in the grand scheme of life? This is very solid advice she is being given, it isn't a bunch of negative nelly's singing in chorus.

 

And from what i understand, they do constantly talk and communicate so this wasn't a dire emergency where she had not heard from him in awhile.

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Trust me, I am there for him.

 

When he was sick, I told him we didn't have to have sex when I went down to visit him. but he said he was horny one night, and I didn't want him to exert himself so I told him to just lie back and enjoy it while I got ontop.

 

Today he told me he felt a little iffy, and I called him to check on him and see how he was feeling. I told him somethings that may help, and asked him if he needed anything. He said just to rest. So I told him to go take a nap and call me when he was done.

 

He called me after 3 hrs. I was fine with that. I didn't try to text him or call him, I wasn't worried in the slightest. Why? Because he told me what he was doing. i knew he wasn't feeling well, and he went to take a nap. Who knows how long that could take.

 

Yesterday was different because that never usualy happens. he always picks up his phone, and if he's going ot be in a position in which he can't, he tells me. So I was just worrying myself to death about the unknown.

 

But during those 3 hrs while he was napping I was fine. I watched T.V. talked to my friends, did some napping myself.

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He doesn't drink, so I don't have to worry about a beer after class. Plus he's not 21.

 

No, I don't expect to know where he is all the time. Of course not. When he goes to class, I just say "okay text me after" he always does, but what he's doing I know not. That's up to him, I trust him.

 

If he goes out to get food when he says he's going to do laundry, but he happens to get done early, there is no cause for alarm. I don't care about things like that.

 

The ONLY time I get worried is when he says he will call me back at a CERTAIN time, and it's not just a little bit past that time, but a few hrs. Then I worry about him, because doing that is not a usual pattern for him.

 

i mean, I can't expect to know where he is all the time, because I'll tell him my friend is picking me up from school and I'll text him when I'm out. i text him, and he'll ask what I'm doing, and I may be at Starbucks or out shopping, watching a movie at her house etc.

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He doesn't drink, so I don't have to worry about a beer after class. Plus he's not 21.

 

.

 

You just are not getting it and i have stated that before.

 

Redrose was not really just talking about your b/f getting a beer after class.

 

She was illustrating a concept.

 

You can tell us no he doesn't drink and wouldn't grab that beer, okay we get that. But it is besides the point. YOu tell us no, i don't need to know where he is all the time, or I am getting better, i don't flip out all the time..but rose, your many threads on this speaks to the contrary.

 

Maybe we are all beating our head into a wall here, but you keep posting, and we are responding. LOL

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The ONLY time I get worried is when he says he will call me back at a CERTAIN time, and it's not just a little bit past that time, but a few hrs. Then I worry about him, because doing that is not a usual pattern for him.

 

i mean, I can't expect to know where he is all the time, because I'll tell him my friend is picking me up from school and I'll text him when I'm out. i text him, and he'll ask what I'm doing, and I may be at Starbucks or out shopping, watching a movie at her house etc.

Where's the need to worry.

 

I still don't get it. Do you think he got hit by a bus b/c he doesn't call when he planned to? Hours ago when he planned to call you he didn't know what he'd be upto. How can he know before hand he may get caught up with home work or the superbowl for instance?

 

I'd like someone to leave me the option to call them when I was free. Not someone who MADE me stick to my word... or else they'd freak out.

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I do believe that rose will only understand what we are saying truly if she walked in his shoes, which won't happen, because he doesn't have emotional outbursts nor does he seem to validate his self worth on her calling on the minute she states, thereforee one can only fathom that one day maturity and the school of a few hard knocks in life will teach her what we are trying to say. Sometimes all the words in the world just don't hit home to a person until they lived in the shoes they've knocked.

 

We have all tried to give her this knowledge before life kicks it to her real world, but I just don't get in her messages that she 'gets' the intended message. Thus I have to say .... good luck and hopefully life is kind!

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Well I think that may be it then.

 

I don't expect to know where he is all the time. he may text me after class and I'll be like, "what are you doing?" just like he does me, but I'm not freaking out if I haven't heard from him after some time. only if it's been some time since he said he would call me.

 

But not just out of the blue am I like, "what are you doing, who are you with?" etc.

 

I've come along way. I used to be like that and I'd freak out if he was with his guy friends and their happened to be a girl there. Or when we would go to bed, I couldn't go to sleep unless I knew he went to sleep. Just incase he was doing something else I didn't know about.

 

When I look back on how I was before, I kind of laugh. I've made great strides and I only plan on doing better.

 

 

When I post a post like this, it doesn't mean it's how it is all the time. It's just because a specific instance happened. The last one like this happened around 3 months ago.

 

Sometimes i post things like this when there isn't any cause for concern. just insight. Which I have gotten PLENTY on.

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And jeckeyl yes I do worry he was hit by a bus or something.

 

He gets sick ALOT, and I worry maybe he had an athsma attack and was rushed to the hospital etc.

 

One time, he told me the only reason he wouldn't answer his phone would be if he was in a coma or dead in a ditch. That's not something you tell your girlfriend. He drove home, and I hadn't heard from him, and when I called him he didn't pick up and i freaked out. all my friends said he was prob just sleeping, but nonetheless that was an awful thing to tell your girlfriend. So finally he called me back, his phone was on vibrate and he fell asleep.

 

After 30 calls. lol.

 

that happened like 7 months ago.

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ON the flip side, you say he gets sick a lot and that is why you worry if he doesn't call, but yet you worry if he doesn't cum and you don't have mind boggling sex. I can't figure out how to lay this out anymore simply.....your thoughts do not match up. On one hand you say you worry because he is sick a lot, then on the other you are upset that he is not doing things in bed that porn star guys do....so which is it? I said earlier in the post, anger and worry are not congruent in this case. If you are that worried about his health why would we see posts from you crying over him vomiting or not being able to cum? I seriously ask these because your thoughts are so over the map that they make anyone reading shake their head. And since you post them, I'll comment. lol It blows one's mind a bit.

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No, No, I don't care if we don't have porn star sex.

 

I quickie would be enough to satisfy me.

 

I understand the not cumming with being sick, but it's not because of MY benifit I worry that he can't cum. I worry that because he can't cum, he hasn't orgasmed, thereforee, he hasn't enjoyed the sex. And I want HIM to enjoy it aswell. It doesn't seem fair for me to have so many orgasms and him none.

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Lol. Ok.

Think of it this way: the only way he wouldn't call is if he was in coma/in a ditch. What does calling 30 more time do?

 

He's not a bad bf from what you've told. He won't ignore your calls. So calling over and over won't usually help. Specially not if he fell asleep for instance.

 

Try and be positive. Try not to think negative thoughts of him in a bad state. How often does that happen? Most time he's fine. Try and remind yourself of that. (No clue if this is making sense, but yea..)

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No, No, I don't care if we don't have porn star sex.

 

I quickie would be enough to satisfy me.

 

I understand the not cumming with being sick, but it's not because of MY benifit I worry that he can't cum. I worry that because he can't cum, he hasn't orgasmed, thereforee, he hasn't enjoyed the sex. And I want HIM to enjoy it aswell. It doesn't seem fair for me to have so many orgasms and him none.

 

But...he has TOLD you before that he enjoys it just the same if he does or does not. Take this man at his word.

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I guess I can never understand where you are coming from.

 

My boyfriend and I talk once at the end of the day. Every once in a while, he'll text me something nice like "thinking about you" or "dreamt about you last night", but that's like once or twice a month.

 

We are both extremely busy people and I think I'd feel very smothered if we had a relationship like yours.

 

As long as it is working, keep it up. But, I think you'll save yourself a lot of energy if you learn to curb your worry by doing something else when he doesn't pick up.

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No, No, I don't care if we don't have porn star sex.

 

I quickie would be enough to satisfy me.

 

I understand the not cumming with being sick, but it's not because of MY benifit I worry that he can't cum. I worry that because he can't cum, he hasn't orgasmed, thereforee, he hasn't enjoyed the sex. And I want HIM to enjoy it aswell. It doesn't seem fair for me to have so many orgasms and him none.

 

My guy is perfectly fine not cumming. Once he was too sore to have sex and we settled with just making out.

 

If your guy says he's fine not cumming, trust him on that.

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I guess this is just something I've always been struggling with.

 

Since i've been on the lexapro, I've had a new cheery outlook.

 

But I always tend to think the worst of things, over think and analyze and worry myself sick.

 

This goes for everything. With friends, work, school work, etc.

 

I've always had this immense fear of abandonment or failure.

 

 

And when he says he enjoys it, I feel that he's just saying that to make me feel good.

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I guess this is just something I've always been struggling with.

 

Since i've been on the lexapro, I've had a new cheery outlook.

 

But I always tend to think the worst of things, over think and analyze and worry myself sick.

 

This goes for everything. With friends, work, school work, etc.

 

I've always had this immense fear of abandonment or failure.

 

And when he says he enjoys it, I feel that he's just saying that to make me feel good.

 

Good, you are recognizing it. That takes a lot.

 

However, you shouldn't feel this way. You have a great boyfriend. He's put up with you on your worst (while on Depo).

 

I am guessing that this stems from your parent's divorce? I used to be the same way. I never trusted men. My first boyfriend treated me like crap. My mom's boyfriends were always unreliable, drinkers, or gay. But, it never really affected me after I met my boyfriend. I sort of realize "oh, they aren't all bad....that's cool".

 

If a guy ever abandons you or cheats on you, know that he isn't worth your time. You will survive it.

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I've always had this immense fear of abandonment or failure.

 

Rose, we know, and this is why we have advised you to seek counselling many, many times now. This is all just a symptom of a larger problem.

 

And sex... it's not always about the finish line.

 

So many things would be missed out on if it was the finish line.

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I guess this is just something I've always been struggling with.

 

Since i've been on the lexapro, I've had a new cheery outlook.

 

But I always tend to think the worst of things, over think and analyze and worry myself sick.

 

This goes for everything. With friends, work, school work, etc.

 

I've always had this immense fear of abandonment or failure.

 

 

And when he says he enjoys it, I feel that he's just saying that to make me feel good.

 

WORST case scenario, he said it to make you feel good (not that i believe he did just say it for that reason)...is there much wrong with a man trying to make his g/f feel good? What are you afraid of? Success? Have you ever in your life said something to him simply because you loved him and wanted him to feel good? Did you walk away feeling bad for saying it? Probably not, right?

 

Truth is men love to cum, but sometimes their bodies are not up for the challenge, for MANY reasons. They might be fatigued, maybe they have been sick, maybe they masterbated too hard the night before and didn't mean to do it so overzealously and maybe they thought of their girl while they were doing it....any number of these reasons could be at play and none of them mean he didn't enjoy the closeness of the act with you or felt he HAD to cum at that moment in time. It is ok if he doesn't EVERY time.

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