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This is making me crazy.


Rose21

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I am new to this site, but I have seen many, many of your posts Rose, and it seems as if you get the same advice every time. If I were you, I would look back on those and really read what people are trying to tell you. You don't want to lose this relationship because you can't change.

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I agree with hersmudders that you often say "I didn't mean it that way".

 

Perhaps you do mean it that way since that's how it comes off to so many people who read your threads.

 

Recognize your mindset from writing your posts, and then you can work on it.

 

Rose, you have grown a lot. But, everyone needs to admit when they've made mistakes.

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Rose is the one here asking for help, not her boyfriend, and they aren't here posting as a couple either. People who are saying she's being selfish should think about that. And, she knows she has a problem dealing with this stuff and she's working on it. Some of you guys really should stop judging, inho.

 

It must suck having everything you've posted about used against you, really.

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well I didn't mean it to be that way.

 

And although i am wanting to look good for him by going to Frederick, I am still out of a job and I could of really benifited to save the money too.

 

If I didn't have a boyfriend, I wouldn't be getting it. For it isn't something I would ever get for myself, or wear it on a regular basis.

 

It's just for him on a special occasion such as V-tines day

 

yea but it's equally for you too. you want to have an "entertaining" valentines day night and fun memories as much as him right?

if you didnt have a bf on v day, sure you may save $30 but you wouldn't have memories and a night with a guy you love either.

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yea but it's equally for you too. you want to have an "entertaining" valentines day night and fun memories as much as him right?

if you didnt have a bf on v day, sure you may save $30 but you wouldn't have memories and a night with a guy you love either.

 

Well said.

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Thanks Hell frost.

 

And thanks Debaser. I am doing better, but i can also admit when I'm wrong.

 

Alot of times if I come accross as selfish or angry on this site, it's because I write here right when I'm in the heat of the moment. AKA venting.

 

Then I take a step back, get some replies, and am able to rationalize things and realize that I'm over-reacting.

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I love getting a little tipsy with my boyfriend.

 

Replace wings with ice cream and that sounds like a dream date.

 

Ooooh! yea! Sounds great too. I'm thinking maybe a bottle of wine for Vday and ice cream/cake. We just decided today to not spend alot this yr which is cool and makes me even happier for some weird reason. that way we get to spend more on snacks/drinks or desserts (at home or something).

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Thanks Hell frost.

 

And thanks Debaser. I am doing better, but i can also admit when I'm wrong.

 

Alot of times if I come accross as selfish or angry on this site, it's because I write here right when I'm in the heat of the moment. AKA venting.

 

Then I take a step back, get some replies, and am able to rationalize things and realize that I'm over-reacting.

 

As long as you do that at the end of the day, you're in good shape.

 

I think a few years you'll look back and wonder why you even made this thread. I know I feel that way about a lot of my older threads. Things are just put into better perspective.

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I cannot help but question what you are looking for out of this website, Rose21. I definitely know what it's like to post over and over about the same topic without growth- I am hugely a perpetrator of this... but so many people have given you so much feedback. More than any other member I have ever witnessed.

 

I agree with those who have said maybe reflecting on past advice might be more helpful than asking for more.

 

This is something I'm doing now.

Look at what has been said before. It all comes back to the same thing.

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Ooooh! yea! Sounds great too. I'm thinking maybe a bottle of wine for Vday and ice cream/cake. We just decided today to not spend alot this yr which is cool and makes me even happier for some weird reason. that way we get to spend more on snacks/drinks or desserts (at home or something).

 

Is it bad that I don't think of wine and go right for the vodka?

 

I'm not an alcoholic....

 

>_>

 

<_>

 

0.0

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Well its still making me very mad and very worried!

 

Mad and worried are not very congruent.

 

You mentioned in your opening post "you had a bad day and you need him to be there"...Rose, loving someone isn't always about you, as has been stated over and over. This is one of those times to turn the other cheek, as you stated you are working hard to do. It's been an hour and a half. That is really ridiculous to be angry that he is not at your beck and call simply because you said you would call after dinner. "After dinner" could be several hours later...but it would still be talking to him after dinner. You had a thread like this not that long ago, even tho you said after you were working hard to change...but yet you display the same EXACT behavior when he doesn't answer right away. Ask yourself if you are working as hard on this change as you say.

 

I still say you are going to push him away if you continue this. And the last thing you want to do is keep unloading on him your issues with your periods. There comes a time when a guy doesn't know how to keep responding to that. He isn't with you right now, so he can't do anything about it anyway. These are issues for your doctor to help you with, not your b/f. You talk about your bowel issues and periods a lot, but they are for a doctor not a b/f. Even a patient man will eventually get turned off hearing about it. My period troubles, when i might have them, is something i try not to unleash on anyone since they can't do anything about it.

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i care about him and love him with all my heart.

 

Afterall, I did go to Fredericks this weekend and get a special teddy just or him

 

You should care enough about him to give him some breathing room.

 

Sounds like you have him on a very short leash. He's not an ER doctor with a pager for every "moment" you are having.

And I don't consider you migraines insignificant...it's just that whether minor or severe...we can't control every aspect of our life.

 

I could go on and on about this...

 

And a gesture of buying something sexy is something you are doing for yourself...for him.

But you are doing it for yourself, first.

Think about it.

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You should care enough about him to give him some breathing room.

 

Sounds like you have him on a very short leash. He's not an ER doctor with a pager for every "moment" you are having.

And I don't consider you migraines insignificant...it's just that whether minor or severe...we can't control every aspect of our life.

 

I could go on and on about this...

And a gesture of buying something sexy is something you are doing for yourself...for him.

But you are doing it for yourself, first.

Think about it.

 

I agree with this. Buying lingerie is for both parties in the relationship, it surely isn't one sided, and it is a gratuitous gift, because the one buying it and wearing it is also getting something out of it. Many women buy lingerie to feel sexy and it is an ego boost, so it surely is not only a gift for the guy. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but at least be realistic about what it is.

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Well I wouldn't get it if it wasn't for him, but still I suppose I also do want to feel sexy and look good for him.

 

I think yesterday was just a really bad day.

 

I feel ALOT better today. I think this one will be a good one.

 

It's rare when I have moments like I did yesterday, I really am getting ALOT better about it.

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Well I wouldn't get it if it wasn't for him, but still I suppose I also do want to feel sexy and look good for him.

 

I think yesterday was just a really bad day.

 

I feel ALOT better today. I think this one will be a good one.

It's rare when I have moments like I did yesterday , I really am getting ALOT better about it.

 

 

That is a quizzical statement because I have read so many threads from you on topics exactly like this, I am not sure you would call this rare. I am glad you are aware of it and working on it, but Rose, this isn't a rare thing based on your many posts on this. I think almost weekly you post things like this or about your periods making your emotions haywire.

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Rose, this sounds like a deeper problem than your boyfriend not answering his phone.

 

There is a big difference between love and dependency, and as an adult, you should be able to go long periods of time without talking to your boyfriend and assuming something is wrong.

 

You are having the kind of reaction a baby has when mommy or daddy leaves the room and baby has a panic because baby stubbed its toe and mommy/daddy aren't around to make it better.

 

You should feel perfectly capable of comforting yourself without your boyfriend's presense (on phone or otehrwise), and should not contact him constantly and expect him to respond within a short time or it means doom and gloom and the end of the world. That is the way a baby would respond to losing short/temporary contact with their parent, not how an adult should respond to that with a partner.

 

You need to work really hard on becoming more independent and self sufficient, and not relying so much on your boyfriend, or expecting him to behave like Daddy rather than a partner.

 

Most adult partners spend the majority of their time apart and NOT in contact due to work and other responsibilities, and can and do go days if necessary not talking to one another and don't assume an accident has happened. The odds of 'something wrong' when it is nothing more than a few hours without a phone call are so small as to be unmeasurable. You are reacting like a baby whose parent leaves the room, and not rationally looking at the situation as an adult.

 

I think you really need to get some personal counseling for this and learn how to be more independent in general and less depedent on him in particular. It will relieve a lot of your anxiety and his.

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