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Ok I'm just going to lay it all out on the table.


CoCo2009

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If you want this to work, you need to get yourself together. Seriously. Next time he might NOT take you back. Stop sabbatoging your relationship.

 

Maybe in some twisted sorta way - its exactly what you want...IDK at this point BUT I think going to a therapist to sort out some of your issues would do you good. Maybe even couples therapy please consider it.

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I always thought him breaking up with me was some kind of way of shocking me into changing but it never works, at one point he told me that I probably take him as a joke because he breaks up with me just to get right back with me again.

 

my ex used to break up with me on a weekly basis and i used to mock him when he tried to do it. i woudl say "ok, i'll be back tomorrow when you call me to get back together" or something like that.

 

really, we were toxic for each other and it did get to be a joke to me. it was ridiculous.

 

you both need to take a break from each other and work on yourselves.

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well he said he wants to go to couples therapy to see how it is, you think we need to move out from eachother. I really don't want him to move out, I really don't but If thats best I have to consider it I guess. It would be a mess I think though because he doesn't have anywhere to live and the lease is in my name.

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well he said he wants to go to couples therapy to see how it is, you think we need to move out from eachother. I really don't want him to move out, I really don't but If thats best I have to consider it I guess. It would be a mess I think though because he doesn't have anywhere to live and the lease is in my name.

 

maybe that's a good idea. then you may realize how trivial some of the things you fight about are.

 

if he's an adult with a job, he'll have somewhere to go.

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I think you should start with couples therapy...if he is willing to go you should be too. I dont think he needs to move out while you guys are going to therapy together but living the way you guys are at this moment IS toxic for both of you like...hersmudders said.

 

If therapy doesn't work - then it might be the end of the rope for is relationship but Im sure it will give you guys some good results. At least you will know you tried everything before jumping ship for good.

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Today I haven't nitpicked. I guess thats a start atleast. Is a guy not putting on lotion something to nitpick about? Is it stupid to be mad when he doesn't put lotion on? It probably sounds dumb but its one of the things that bothers me, it falls along the lines of him leaving his underwear on the floor and leaving the cap off the toothpaste, or not doing his dishes. Why do these things bother me so much? Is it stupid?

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I will, and I will write down my thoughts when I want to start nitpicking over stupid stuff. I complain about everything.

 

try turning negatives into a positive. if he hasn't taken out the garbage, remind yourself to be grateful that you have a house to accumulate garbage to take out. if he didn't leave the cap on the toothpaste, remind yourself to be grateful that you have teeth to brush. simple things.

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Today I haven't nitpicked. I guess thats a start atleast. Is a guy not putting on lotion something to nitpick about? Is it stupid to be mad when he doesn't put lotion on?

 

is it your body? how does it affect you if he doesn't put lotion on? why are you trying to control how he takes care of his body?

 

just b/c you don't go without lotion doesn't mean he has to put it on.

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try turning negatives into a positive. if he hasn't taken out the garbage, remind yourself to be grateful that you have a house to accumulate garbage to take out. if he didn't leave the cap on the toothpaste, remind yourself to be grateful that you have teeth to brush. simple things.

 

thats a good way to look at it lol

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I think its ugly because his legs get ashy? I can't believe I'm saying that but its true and I feel like the only way to get advice is to tell the truth

 

well yeah it gets ugly when it's ashy, but how does it affect you in the long run? is it something you can look past?

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does all this fall under being controlling?

 

yes. unless it affects you directly, you shoudlnt give it another worry.

 

one of my exes was playing a drinking game with friends at a party we were at, and the way he was saying things during this drinking game drove me crazy, but he was just being himself. i tried stopping him from saying those things, which were no different than the way he usualy acts. it was just b/c more people were around that i wanted him to talk differently.

 

that's being controlling. makes no difference to me in the long run. all taht mattered to me at the time was that i didn't like it.

 

remember when you got pissed about him getting a tattoo?

how does that tattoo affect your life, the quality of YOUR life? it doesnt. not one bit. bc it's on his body.

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I think its ugly because his legs get ashy? I can't believe I'm saying that but its true and I feel like the only way to get advice is to tell the truth

 

I definitely think thats nitpicking, you think its ugly but cmon! They aren't your legs - if the guy doesn't put lotion on because he doesn't want to so what? I dont think my SO ever put lotion on his legs & would probably laugh at me if I asked him to.

 

The underwear on the floor...it use to aggravate me too. I use to say "Im not picking up after you everyday, Im not your mother" & he would just give me a look..then again same thing until he finally just started to pick them up & when he did ...I said "baby I seen you picked up your clothes, you're so sweet, thank you" & gave him a kiss. He always makes an effort to do it now.

 

How do you approach him with these things, the dish & garbage etc....???

I can see if he NEVER does them and you ask time & time again, it can get annoying but you need to find a way to resolve this.

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omg I actually like the tattoos now? Isn't that crazy? I find reasons to be upset it seems.

 

see, your controlling nature pissed him off back then, and that probably stuck to him more than you liking the tattoo now.

 

I definitely think thats nitpicking, you think its ugly but cmon! They aren't your legs - if the guy doesn't put lotion because he doesn't want to so what? I dont think my SO ever put lotion on his legs & would probably laugh at me if I asked him to.

 

The underwear on the floor...it use to aggravate me too. I use to say "Im not picking up after you everyday, Im not your mother" & he would just give me a look..then again same thing until he finally just started to pick them up & when he did ...I said "baby I seen you picked up your clothes, you're so sweet, thank you" & gave him a kiss. He always makes an effort to do it now.

 

How do you approach him with these things, the dish & garbage etc....???

I can see if he NEVER does them and you ask time & time again, it can get annoying but you need to find a way to resolve this.

 

at least you have someone to leave underwear on the floor than not have anyone at all. that's a way to look at it.

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recently he has started to take the trash out, but I use to ask him and he would keep forgetting and forgetting and he would just leave the dishes to pile up. I should have realized that before we moved in he wasn't the most tidy person and he is actually making an effort to be more neat. I usually ask him things with an attitude because I know he will forget or just say he will do it an not do it.

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see, your controlling nature pissed him off back then, and that probably stuck to him more than you liking the tattoo now.

 

 

 

at least you have someone to leave underwear on the floor than not have anyone at all. that's a way to look at it.

 

Yes - but if he gets into this habit, we get married - I will be picking up after him & the kids alllll the time for the rest of my life lol. He's an adult & needs to pick up after himself as I do.

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Yes - but if he gets into this habit, we get married - I will be picking up after him & the kids alllll the time for the rest of my life lol. He's an adult & needs to pick up after himself as I do.

 

I just saw him pick up his underwear, and take out the trash....what a coincidence..maybe he is making a effort

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