messed up and confused

[lonehair3]

taken from another thread i wrote in that sucks so the story will come in a couple parts

 

please read it i know its a bit long

but i need some one else's perspective

 

PLEASE!

 

 

 

 

part 1

First time doing this so please... Bare with me. Our relationship started going down hill a while ago i refused to realize it an did ... to deal with it it all started when i told her i would go to xmas with her to her family (her birthday happens to land on the 23rd) i head over there the 22nd on the 24th i receive a call that my brother tried to kick the bucket from under him and hes in the hospital for a drug overdose of course i head over their as fast as possible.

 

Now the problem lies in how my girlfriend reacted in simple terms... Selfish the stayed quiet, distant, and angry at me. Refusing to acknowledge my feelings towards the situation she made me feel like me leaving her was the worst thing a boyfriend could do in this point. After leaving it got me thinking about me and the relationship i told her, i feel things serious things that dont make me want to be with a person if they react in situtations as such, and i wanted to be respected and my feeling acknowledged. (Which now that i look at they never where.)

 

After about 2 weeks of fighting over the phone with her, and giving all blame to me. I finally gave up left town. I keep in touch with her its been a week now ... The longest we've been apart and we were together for 2 years. But now she talks saying that she realizes how she is wrong and the thing that shes willing to change. Then the next call is a call giving me low blows on how i forced her into this situation and its all my fault. ( Which is the reason i left for a while, the low blows, and belittlitylng comments, controlling tendencies etc...) This all makes me question does she really want to change, or is she desperate?

 

I dont want to force her to change but i know i sorta forced her into it, but i cant be around that ... It hurts me. And all my friends tell me she is not good for me and i give too much... I dont know what to do.

 

How to deal with this.

 

 

 

 

part 2

 

 

well

i broke it off with her

on several occations

she cant seen to grasps it and keeps threating her life

i understand her

i am her best friend as she is mine

but i cant help but feel guilty when she calls me i i hit ignore on the fone

i feel like im doing the right thing but in doing so it hurts her

the guilt is ridiculous

she tells me things but gets mad at me the next minute

i really dont think its gonna work out

and i keep telling her that

but i would like to stay friends but i cant if we are in a relationship

and she is clinging to all shes got left of it

she just called me 10 times in a row

how do i handle someone like this

i thought after two years togethr i would has somewhat of a grasp,,,

 

 

part 3

 

 

this sucks i cant take it

she wont go for any help

i call the suicide hotline and the guy takes a personl interest in her

and she pushes him away

loots of deep seeded issues here

i just want a clean civil break

i would love to be friends

and maybe try again later

but the way she acts

so immature

makes me rethink everything

help

please?

 

 

part 4

 

so im here now

states away

she finally decided to get on her meds and realized to get her *beep* together

in doing that. we decided a break was for the best, and when i come home we will deal with our problems then

seams reasonble

but as i was away she is on craigslist and dating sites trying to find other women to do stuff with

i told her this was ok

she is curious and who am i to stop her from experimenting

but now that she is really activly trying to do this

i dont know, i feel violated, disrespected but i said it was ok

god this is messed up

i cant tell her i know shes doing this, because it was in her email, and bad me i read it.

but after all of this i still have teatering feeling towards her

i love her

i have given so much of myself to her

and doing this will really change things

i feel all * * * * ed up because we have so many problems alrready

and after all of this

i feel like the tables are turned

i find myself dreamimg and dreaming about her

i cant see myself without her

i call her to talk to her but i feel rejected

she would call me and i would stay on the fone for hours with her

i feel crzy and i call her she wont give me more than 10 min

some one shed some light please

casue i dont see it

[Ac143]

OK so ....let me see if I got this right...

 

1. She is completely insensitive to your brothers attempt to kick the bucket (as you said)

2. You decided you dont want to be with her so she is trying to get you back by giving you a guilt trip

3. She wont get help & acts immature

4. She is on craigslist "dating" and you desperately want her back?

 

Im sure you can see this relationship is NOT healthy - this girl is not stable effort for a relationship & you realized that then all the sudden she is on craigslist & you want her back. I think the only reason is because now "want what you can't have" but in reality leaving was the best thing you could do for yourself and for her!

[lonehair3]

its hard

im have extreme feelings for her

and i care for her deeply

the fact that we are on a BREAK

and shes craigslist dating makes me feel

worthless, i guess

like she can forget the 2 years we were together

without a thot

i know the relationship was toxic

and i showed her that

she showed extreme denial on her part

which made me rethink things

but why cant i shake her

why cant i get all the good out of my head

there was so much more bad than good

i wanted the break

as soon as she agrees i felt at peace

but now i feel betrayed and left alone

thers feelings i cant identify and a outside perspective would be nice

[Ac143]

Do you still talk to her? If you do, you need to STOP! Give yourself a break from her & vice versa. OH and get her to change her password on her email address!! How much good is it going to do u looking thru it??? Does she know you have access to it? If she knows she might be doing the craigslist thing just to be spiteful.. so stop looking at her email ! I can tell you - within a few days you feel alot better once you stop checking her email.

 

I honestly think you need a break from eachother or break up. A month or 2 without talking at all & see if you want her back then. I have a feeling you wont. Be strong! Start writing down ALL the bad & read it out loud a few times a day. Write them on this website if you want....focus on the bad not the good (especially if the bad outweight the good)

[scorpio47]

It sounds like a bad situation. The first 3 posts out of 4, you say you don't want to be with her, you just want to be friends, and on the 4th, you say you do want her. I think you need to take a step back and figure out what it is that you really do want... you didn't want her for a reason. I think you're afraid of losing her to someone else and that's what's causing you to want her back, and it's not really her you want back, but the IDEA of her.

 

Take some time - figure it out...try to take as much emotion out of the decision as possible (I know...near impossible, but give it a try). Personally, I don't think it would be healthy for either of you to try and pursue something serious, but that's just my opinion...

[lonehair3]

i can see how its the idea of her that i am missing

and i have written down the bad things some of which:

she put me down

i was embarrased of her

she made me look bad

she demanded too much of me

when i did things i would not feel appreciated

i would sacrifice for her with it just being expected of me

i would feel judged

i would cook clean and work (pay bills/rent) for her w/o feeling appreciated

she would stay in bed and be stagnant

she would disrespect me and my emotions

she was selfish and only thought about herself in every situtation

she was controlling

shes stubborn

i couldnt think for myself

i never went out

all she did was sleep and * * * * *

makeing me feel bad makes her feel better

 

 

ok there

the bad things

ther are more but majority is ther

i did this i broke it off

but i need help shaking this off

i really put allot into it and realizing that its over is really killing me

any advice

shes my first love and my best friend

its hard to rip out a huge chunck of your life that you worked so hard for.

[Ac143]

I'll glad you wrote these down, she does have issues if she even did half of what you said in the "bad" list..

 

Did you get her to change her email password? You will not start healing IF you have access to her emails, you will keep checking them.

 

You just broke it off with her, you will be broken for awhile - going throw tons of different emotions but what it boils down to is what you REALLY want....she is it? Can you imagine being treated like this for the rest of your life? Just think of how she treated you, there was a good reasons you broke up with her. Take it one day at a time, baby steps - please do not contact her. If you are broke up go NC. You deserve better!

[lonehair3]

i feel you

lots of emotions

some of which

i just cant grasp

its really hard for me right now

i can find comfort nowhere

out of all the bad

ther were still some amazing good

i know she loved me

afnd i loved her

and i have vey fond memories of us together

haveing fun trying NEW things

its so hard to rip it out

i dont want these good feelings to go away

but i want the bad feeling to go away

its just so hard for me to move onward

i feel damaged... and i broke it off...does that make sense?

i despereatly miss her and want to see her again

but i knwo her

and she is stuborn

and i really doubt she will change

[lonehair3]

ps

i promised i would stop this email nonsense it will only hurt me

its just that fact that this just happened in our relationship

and shes actively moving forward with this so soon

really hurts me even more

really like my life with her ment nothing

advice?

[lonehair3]

nothing

what happened "to you are not alone!"

i feeling alone

abandoned

worthless

and it all cause of this girl

i cant get her out of my god damn head

she was special

but it was toxic

i want it to end but i dont

th conflict continues

i know its healthy to not go back

but i want her

i feel like shes SUCH A HUGE part of who i am

i just need some reinforcement

know that this is the best desision i could have made

i know shes a * * * * * and selfish

but i love that selfish * * * * *

i cant shake it

it sucks when im not with her because all i think about

is sharing the experiance with her

i knwo the reality

but my feelings are telling me something else

im more confused than ever

please

[Ac143]

lone - Can I suggest try writing your post in full paragraphs, I think maybe that's why some people might skip the post & not reply - I know it sounds strange but its hard to read some of it.

 

Anyway - you really are NOT alone, there are tons of people on here going thru exactly what you are feeling. You love her, she loves you...You guys had good time & bad times but in the end it didn't work...its the classic "relationship".

 

When something doesn't work, you need to let it go...just like you are doing. But the emotions you are feelings are normal & they will last for some time. It takes alot out of you but in the end, you will be OK & you WILL find the person you are meant to be with. In the long run the healing process will be alot less harmful & less energy then trying to make something that doesn't work - to work!

 

Hang in there! Keep posting...

[lonehair3]

I just feel sick, literally sick. the fact that she is "horny" and whats to do somethig and with a girl. no less, i told her it was ok, but the fact of the matter is, its happening, and if ther is a chance at all.

this WILL ruin it.

i know shes is not healthy to be around. but that dosnt chagne how i feel about her,

its for the best. i know, but how can she shake the things we had , just liek that!

i askd her to marry me for god sake. i think i cared for her way more that she cared for me. iit just hurts right now, i ended it. i asked for the break. and now, i dont know what im thinking, is it feelings of jealusy, insecuriy, hate, resentment? but also love and compassion it sucks, the fact about this girl thing. will annihilate any hope we have in my eyes.

is loosing all hope the best here?

peoplle tell me im weak for wantting her back

maybe its been me this whole time

we had allot of pent up stuff to begin with, most of it from me

but it was because if my reactions to her way of being.

(walking on egg shells)

i didnt want to ruin a good thing so when problems arouse i suppressed them knowing. she would freak out and ruin mt day. to make myself happy i kept it inside, in the long run, this defiantly feels worse.

can some one talk to me

maybe somee advice about the dating of the chicks

i dont know how to cope with that

encouragement? i need to know im doing what right.

casue there are feelings, and then theres the reality of things, and right now

those things are conflicting.

please help