Kristen 18x Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 After being with my boyfriend for over 2 years I cheated on him. It was a kiss but I still did, When I told him we broke up and then I started to hang out with the person I cheated on him with. My boyfriend and I got back together and I stoped talking to the other guy all together. Everyday my boyfriend bring up what I did and when we get into fights he always calls me a and always tells me to go and have sex with another person. I am so sick of him making me feel like Crap after I know it hurt him as much as it did me. Should I continue letting him say such mean things to me because of what I did and I deserve it or should I stand up for myself and Leave him? I love my Boyfriend and I neve ment to hurt him and I dont want to Leave him but I dont think I can take much more of this emotional stress.
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 If he can't forgive you then he should not be back together with you. Calling you names and being verbally abusive to you is uncalled for. No, you should not let him say these nasty things to you...you need to put your foot down and tell him that you have apologized and feel badly for what you did but you will not tolerate this verbal abuse. Then see what he says. If he still hurls abuse at you then walk out of his life. As for what you did, I have to wonder why you decided to hang out with the guy you cheated with after your boyfriend broke up with you...I can see why that would have made him even more upset because he now thinks you have feelings for this other guy.
Kristen 18x Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 I hung out with the other guy because my Boyfrend kicked me out of the apartment and My parents live to far away and I wouldnt have a ride to take my stuff over to their house so the other guy said I can just keep my stuff at his place until I find somewhere else togo
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 How long have you and your boyfriend been back together? How long ago was the kiss?
Ac143 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Him calling you names is NOT ok. You cheated - yes, you apologize - yes. You feel bad - yes! Either he forgives you or he doesn't. He has NO right whatsoever calling you these names, I dont care what you did. If he can't forgive you, he shouldn't be with you. He's gotta make a decision & cant keep throwing it back in your face/calling you names. Stand up for yourself & dont let him keep doing it!
abouttime Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 AC143 is right. He has made verbal abuse a habit. It must be broken. And I don't think is can with you being around him. Leave him and tell him unless he takes anger management, you will not see him again. If he can't forgive you, you will both be miserable.
Hope75 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Kristen, I remember you posting about this guy a year or so ago and talking about how he beat you and choked you. Honestly, I'm surprised you are still with him given that he's been abusive to you. Is this still going on? Maybe it's time to cut ties and get away from him, since partners who love and respect you would never beat you or try to strangle you.
scorpio47 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 You broke the rules and you cheated. Is it an easy road to recovery...no, but is his verbal abuse justified? No. I've been cheated on a number of times, and never once have I ever verbally abused the woman who cheated on me. I could see how some guys, maybe after finding out, there might be an uncontrollable outburst...maybe even for a day or two after, but ongoing behavior like that is not right. Frankly, there are far worse things you could have done than just kissing the other guy. Doesn't mean what you did was right, but I personally don't think it's cause for him to treat you the way he is now. If you're generally remorseful and really want to work it out, that's good, but he has to really want to work it out as well. Like everyone else is saying, if he can't get over his trust issues, or at least work on them and see an improvement in them, you'll have to move on, because the relationship obviously can't grow at that point. Is Hope75 right? Has this guy been PHYSICALLY abusive as well? If this is going on, there is NO WAY that you should be in that situation, and if that is the case, you need to leave right away!
yeawutever Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 If it was only a kiss you cheated on him with and yet he calling you those names, can't forgive ya then dump him. You don't need to put up with that.
Rabican Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 No if I were you I would sit him down and tell him that you understand he is upset, he has every right to be. However your relationship cannot go on if he continues to act this way. Hes obviously not happy, you are obviously not happy... it simply cannot go on. Tell him either to forgive you, and move on, or let you go and move on without you. There cant be a middle ground where he grinds you into the dirt on a daily basis but expects you to stick around. A while back my fiance and I had some issues regarding friends of the opposite sex. Our solution when we got back together was to cut all contact with the 'other people'. Then we talked over what happened, got everything out on the table, said what had to be said etc. and then agreed never to bring it up again. We figured if we had to keep rehashing the same arguments over and over then we shouldnt even try to be together anymore. We had a couple slipups where one of us would bring things up that we shouldnt have... but 99% we had moved on and let the baggage go.
ndelvalle Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Right now you are showing yourself as a victim, but the reality is that until you dont know how painful it is when someone cheats-you will never know. My advice to you is to saty put, help get through it because after all he is felling like that because of you. Take him to therapy-dont let him alone now just because youre being selfish. He needs you now-you messed up-and believe or not maybe messed up his whole women afairs for life, is that simple.
Hope75 Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Right now you are showing yourself as a victim, but the reality is that until you dont know how painful it is when someone cheats-you will never know. My advice to you is to saty put, help get through it because after all he is felling like that because of you. Take him to therapy-dont let him alone now just because youre being selfish. He needs you now-you messed up-and believe or not maybe messed up his whole women afairs for life, is that simple. I would never advocate for anyone to stay in a relationship where they have been abused, irregardless of their behavior. I hope the OP has the common sense to get out before he kills her. This relationship has a longstanding history of violence and abuse which she posted about and then deleted, probably out of embarrassment and a desire to stay with him despite it. It's sad, and I hope she wakes up before it's too late.
lady00 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Wow...if this guy is physically and verbally abusive you need to get out now. Cheating is forgivable for some, but abuse isn't.
d24 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I hung out with the other guy because my Boyfrend kicked me out of the apartment and My parents live to far away and I wouldnt have a ride to take my stuff over to their house so the other guy said I can just keep my stuff at his place until I find somewhere else togo i doubt this really helped things. thing is, if you want to make it work you need to tell him this bothers you OUTSIDE of a fight or argument. That way he knows not to say it, and if he does you can be firm in your resolve to either leave or give him hell.
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