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Guys, I need your opinion


Wyssaway

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I have been in a relationship with the same guy for the past 3 years, but we recently split up and it's been really hard on me. Part of why it's so hard is because he told me that I've done absolutely nothing wrong and the main reason he wanted to end things is because I'm the only girl he's ever been with. He said that he can't "settle down" with me because he won't ever be completely happy if he's always wondering what it would have been like to be with someone else.

He was the first guy I had ever been with, and I had never felt that way, so I feel like I've been betrayed. But at the same time I have to tell myself that I had at least dated, been close to, and kissed other guys, whereas he's never done those things with anyone but me.

He told me that ultimately he would like to be with me, but for right now he needs to go out and experience things he wouldn't be able to if we were together (I think he means he wants to "experience" other girls, and that makes me feel awful). What should I do? I want to be supportive because I know there is a chance he will come back to me, but how am I supposed to sit around and watch him be with other girls? That would really hurt me.

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There is no reason for you to "be supportive" in this situation. He wants to do his own thing, fine, let him do it. He's going to miss out on you, and he'll probably end up realizing it somewhere down the line. You should not sit around and wait for this person. You should not watch him be with other people. Let him live his own life, go live yours, and use this as a learning experience.. I'm really sorry he dumped you like that. What a heartless jerk.

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I never had this happen but my cousin (I was very close to her) her first BF & her both were eachothers everything, they dated close to 4yrs. He then pulled the I want/need to experiment & see what's out there but want to be with you in the end blah blah. She on the other hand never had that urge. She always wanted to be supportive, be his friend etc. this lasted for a good 6 months. She couldn't take the emotional roller coaster anymore, he seriously gave her hell within those 6 months - talked about other girls he was attracted to, who he is going on a date, who he slept with etc, she cried to me 100's of times but finally she gave up & realized enough is enough.

 

Since the day she cut all contact from him they never spoke again that was about 7yrs ago. Please let him go & just cut the whole "emotional roller coaster ride" you will be on out of the equation because there will be one & it wont be fun. Start moving on with your life, start healing, taking care of yourself & maybe even dating but dont wait on the side lines for this man.

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"I want to be supportive because I know there is a chance he will come back to me, but how am I supposed to sit around and watch him be with other girls? That would really hurt me."

 

Have you told him this?

 

"i think you need to move on too. take your time for yourself. go no contact with your ex. start dating other men too. i don't know if he will or won't come back to you, but certainly don't wait around for him."

 

This is good. Tell him it's a two way street and that he'd better think that over. It will be that way his whole life whether he ends up with you or someone else.

 

I wouldn't know. YOU may have a good guy here and it's just not his finest hour. If he's worth it, engage in intense communication with him on this. Don't let the chance pass you by to do so. This is your critical moment for mutual understanding of such relevant issues.

 

I see it is a problem if he's never been affectionate with anyone before. Just express to him that once you connect with someone so well, the grass isn't actually greener...

Once you've found the right person, you're both where you need to be. There will just always be others out there and the wise will ignore them. And that is a lifelong constant.

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