SadPandaMan Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 My wife soon to be ex-wife is sitting behind me filling out the divorce paperwork and while she does it i can turn around and see her smile while she chats on msn from time to time. How could anyone be so freaking heartless? and why even seeing this do i feel so much loss, so much heartache for someone thats destroying my life our life together for nothing. She didnt cheat on me, I was nothing but a good husband. yet its still over and there are no tears not a single one throughout the whole process. anyway how do i deal with this... should i jump back on the horse as soon as i can and date? should i be worried about turning into a total * * * * * * * ? how the hell do you deal with your world walking out the door with a smile?
wayoverit Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 wow sorry to hear.. she truly did not show much remorse and regret. What an ass. Yes, just move on when you're ready and feel lucky that you get a second chance in life to be with someone else who will cherish and respect you as a person.
beejcee Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 this is one of those things that there is no good explanation for.... the total betrayal by the one person you loved enough to give your life to. i am in the same shoes you are and it is the worst feeling in the world. i am so very sorry. i know you don't want to hear this right now, but you will be better off (way down the road). hang on that thought and trust all of us who know exactly what your pain feels like right now.
charity Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 i'm sorry for what you are going through. its horrible when it seems as if the relationship meant so little to the other person. when my ex and i broke up i was devastated. yet the only feelings he showed was acceptance and relief. this hurt me so much, made me feel like he couldnt wait to get on with his new free life without me and our kids. i remember once i was freaking out and saying he was so cold and he said ''what do you want me to do,... cry?'' and i was like '' yes... show some emotion, show somehow that you care that our family is broken up and we couldnt make it work!!! after a few months i realized that the person who loves less, who works the least hardest at the relationship, well they are not so affected by the break up as we are. they are more ready for it then we are and yes... it hurts them less. im sure they feel the loss in a different way( not sure how though) in regards to dating again- i still havent. i dont think its fair at this point to inflict myself on someone who is ready for a relationship and i still am consumed by my ex but yes... it does get easier and as the days go by everything becomes more clear. i will be ready to date soon but i am glad i havent rushed into anything. do what everyone says- nc as much as possible, and work on yourself. you'll be ok.....promise.
Ac143 Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 Sorry you are dealing with this It must be very hard but for 1. I dont think you can get right back on the horse & starting dating from day one because you will not be healed from this marriage that fast. Please take care of yourself after all this. Do everything you ever wanted & more. Then when you are healed (which will take time) go out and try to date. Take care of yourself & whenever you need support we are here for you Hang in there!
SadPandaMan Posted February 1, 2009 Author Posted February 1, 2009 I actually said those same things to my wife, and she said "why would i cry over what i already decided, it doesnt matter anyway I just want to be happy. so stop hurting yourself by asking me these questions." at which point i lost my voice screaming into a pillow. just an update... still not back yet as for the rest of you thank you for your advice it means alot to have someone to talk too consider 90% of my friends have lost touch with me or are in iraq or afganastan un available. thing that really sucks now for me is im gonna miss having the warmth of someone next to me in bed too im so used to it being a feeling that goes along with love, i mean i barely slept at all last night. constant nightmares, noone there to talk to its killer how do you all deal with the lonelyness?
doyathink Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 What a cold hearted woman. The day of my divorce, I took my ex all his stuff that he had at my house. I was crying the whole way there. When I got to his office, he came boppin out...munching on something. I was like...damn, we just got out of court, and you're able to eat? Some ppl dont feel the fire till much later. When I was well on my way to healing, he came back...three times. Give it time to soak in...she wont always be doing the happy dance.
charity Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 i dont know how..... you just do. i miss sleeping with my partner too. the thought that he possibly gives that intimate part of himself to someone else fills me with sadness. you have to put faith in what people say...... that one day you will meet someone else. for now all you can do is get by day by day. accept there will be very lonely times and then there will be times that are not so bad. keep as busy as you can especially before you go to bed, watch movies, read books. make yourself so tired that when you go to bed, you fall asleep before giving yourself a chance to go over all the if, whys,buts.this will help you stop dreaming about her. then as days, weeks and months go by, it will be a lot less lonely and raw. happy days will come again.
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 I read your other thread. It seems to me like your wife didn't properly think things through before she married you. She knew about your child and the circumstances on how that came about and she knew about your education situation. She sounds very cold. There is not much you can do except accept the situation as it is. I would not suggest running out to date so quickly...what I would suggest is you doing some real honest to goodness thinking about the kind of women you tend to get involved with...see if there is a pattern and make sure the next time you can identify this type of woman and steer clear.
beejcee Posted February 1, 2009 Posted February 1, 2009 every night i miss my husband of ten years when i climb into bed by myself. i have come to accept that i will never understand why he could do what he did to end our marriage. so, every night i tell myself that i kept my vows, i stayed devoted and true to the end and beyond. for some reason, that comforts me to keep reminding myself that i gave our marriage my all.
pleeze.help Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 My thoughts are with you in this time of sorrow. I wish you the best in getting on your feet. Things will look up. It's normal to feel anger at this point. Divorces are never a good thing.
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