Jump to content

Finding out your ex is dating?


Recommended Posts

Dream about your ex
Dream about your ex

After doing nc for awhile and feeling great, I found out my ex is dating someone. It stung. I couldn't sleep last night, and I have this incredible urge to call her even though I know it's a bad idea and can't stand her as a person.

 

Any advice? How do you guys cope when you find out the ex is dating?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it would be difficult not to feel some pain from hearing they are dating someone else. It's another sign that they've moved on and there's no going back. Haven't heard about my ex dating but I guess she would be at some point and even that thought hurts a bit.

 

As CAD says, block out the thoughts as they are going to give you pain to think about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The best solution is to find someone else for yourself too. Even if you don't want any serious relationship right now, would be best to keep you busy. And I'm sure this would sting your ex too

 

Yes, lots of people do that in order to get over their ex..problem is the pain they are experiencing they simply dump on to the person they start seeing when that person eventually finds out that they were simply being used as a distraction. In other words, it is selfish to start dating someone else simply to get over an ex and to be on a level playing field with an ex. The ex shouldn't factor into dating at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It definitely hurts. I found out my ex was just having sex with an older woman a month ago, and now come to find that recently, they are falling for each other. While it does indeed hurt, and proves that he is moving on, it helps me to move on. When I first heard about the new woman, it forced me, it made me realize that our relationship is over, forever. You may be able to use this to your advantage as I did.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Continue with NC. You will get over the hump, trust me. Whatever you do, do not contact her. It will almost surely set you back. My ex is probably dating again too...he's a bit of a relationship hopper. Eh. I'm just sticking to NC no matter what.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got to see my ex bring his new woman to our show last weekend. I felt absolutely awful to witness them touching each other and I had had no warning he was dating anyone. I felt flushed from head to toe, almost a feeling of humiliation. And then I had to perform two sets after finding this out, it was tough, tough, tough.

 

Yes, it was bound to happen. I've been trying to date but am not meeting anyone who floats my boat. Now I'm faced with having to work with him and see him with this new woman at our shows. I have even considered quitting as I don't know if the pain and discomfort of this situation is outweighing any benefit I am getting from staying. I'm in a rough spot and just don't know what to do. I also could not sleep a wink that night and have had difficulty sleeping since. I wake up to images of them together and I start ruminating about everything that has happened in the last almost two years. Not sure I can move past this by continuing to stay in the band yet I'm afraid I'll be very depressed if I quit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ex started dating someone just 2 weeks after we broke up. We would tell each other that we were soul mates, in love, wanted a future with kids, marriage and blah blah blah. Then she moves on after 2 weeks!?

 

It's a tough pill to swallow finding this stuff out. It hurts like hell! I coped with it by crying my eyes out and coming here. I'm still dealing, but posting every feeling I have at any given moment helps me vent, calm down and look at the situation from many different perspectives. Good luck, I wish you well!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It definitely hurts. I found out my ex was just having sex with an older woman a month ago, and now come to find that recently, they are falling for each other. While it does indeed hurt, and proves that he is moving on, it helps me to move on. When I first heard about the new woman, it forced me, it made me realize that our relationship is over, forever. You may be able to use this to your advantage as I did.

 

I agree with this, it can definitely be a helpful closure, a good way of killing that niggling irrational stupid hope.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Time is your friend. My ex told me there would never be another. LOL!!! I knew it to be a farce but when reality hit, and he WAS involved with another it stung.

 

With the passing of time and my own dating experiences since...we are very amicable towards one another. We have a daughter so being on friendly terms is a must and very doable.

 

Life is certainly unusual...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are they not allowed to date and move on? Do you feel you should give them permission or something? They are your ex, and that is that. Why feel badly? I don't get it, unless it's your ego taking over your mind. Don't ever let that happen or you will certainly be miserable. If you break up with someone, or they with you, it's none of your business what they do and it shouldn't affect you. I've found out an ex was dating before and I guess I just kind of shrugged. I mean, they're going to sooner or later, aren't they? And so will you once you let go. Maybe I'm just too pragmatic about these things. I have been accused of that. But I know I only have a limited amount of time on this earth, and no one, and I do mean no one, is going to make me miss one single day of living to the fullest!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, of course they are! And no they don't need our permission and yes, it's none of our business what they do.

 

I wish I could turn off my feelings so easily like you, but unfortunately I can't. There would be no need for ENA if people did not have painful feelings and emotions. Yes, we can't wallow forever but I think we would all be robots if we didn't feel something when we learn our ex is dating someone else.

 

But you must be doing something right, so kudos to you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, many people who still have feelings for their exes would probably be hurt. I was devastated when my first ex started dating a girl days after he and I broke up. I thought I loved him (found out later I didn't have a clue what love was) and I was not over him. Of course he had a right to date. It still hurt like hell. I couldn't ignore it because we lived in the same dorm and he was there with her days after the breakup holding hands. It was a bit too much for me to handle in the state I was in. Point being, you have a great attitude, but telling people that something shouldn't bother them? I don't know anyone who can regulate their feelings with such ease and simply choose not to be bothered in certain situations in which their feelings are seriously hurt. This can happen over time, but for many people, it's not just something you can turn off or snap out of. And it was never an ego thing, at least not in my experience...maybe it is for some people, in which case, they do need to address that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You keep bringing up the fact that your ex's gf is older. What does this have to do with anything?

 

Sorry, maybe this bothers me because I tend to date younger guys because I look younger, and you've brought it up in a derogatory way. What's the big deal about her being older? Why does it seem to bother you so much?

 

It definitely hurts. I found out my ex was just having sex with an older woman a month ago, and now come to find that recently, they are falling for each other. While it does indeed hurt, and proves that he is moving on, it helps me to move on. When I first heard about the new woman, it forced me, it made me realize that our relationship is over, forever. You may be able to use this to your advantage as I did.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's actually a really smart idea.

 

I'm going to imagine my ex has been married for 30 years, is fat (well, fatter than he is now), has 5 kids who are just as rebellious and difficult as he is, and his wife refuses to have sex with him.

 

Wow, I feel a LOT better-lol!

 

Right now I'm gonig to imagine my ex is in a happy relationship, madly in love, no: engaged!

So that when I see him with someone I'll be immune to anything.

;(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You honestly don't get why someone would feel badly about their ex moving on? The only way I can imagine that possibility is if you've never experienced true love.

 

It's not about ego, missing one single day of life, or minding your own business. It's about mourning the loss of something you love. It hurts and it takes time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ex started dating a girl within days of us 'breaking up'. We had just gotten back together...and the breakup was not even a real one again.

 

After everything ive been thru with this guy, it shouldnt have surprised me. But i am STILL trying to get over it. I dont think i ever fully will. Its a pain that cuts so deeply, espcially if love was involved. It sucks, and theres nothing you can do about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After doing nc for awhile and feeling great, I found out my ex is dating someone. It stung. I couldn't sleep last night, and I have this incredible urge to call her even though I know it's a bad idea and can't stand her as a person.

 

Any advice? How do you guys cope when you find out the ex is dating?

 

you just have to not care. mine's married now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can't lie. It would've bugged me if my ex started dating the guy she shot me down for. The guy she will probably end up dating? I don't care. There's pictures of them everywhere, doesn't bug like I thought it would. Only thing that bugs is knowing she can do better. After awhile you just stop caring...

 

Sorry I don't have any direct advice. Just time. After awhile you'll just shrug it off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...