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Beginning to think something is wrong with me


HoTung

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As some of you know i was on here a lot last year as I was going through a painful break up with my ex and i finally found happiness again in Oct where a i met a new guy who made me laugh.

 

Well, low and behold 3 months on i am back here. I thought everything was going well but while i was away on holiday i realised he never really contacted me on his accord, he would replyw hen i texted hiim etc. So i called him a week into my holiday and asked him if something was wrong and he said no, he asked me if i was havinga g ood time and i said not really because i sense something is wrong. He never told me he missed me. He then said he should have made more effort but maybe he wasn;t feeling what i was feeling and that he knew he was never going to faall in love with me and that he didn;t have the same feeelings for me. I was so disappointed as before i left he told me he never felt like this about someone for a long time, he never holds someone like he holds me, and that he was really into me. But while i was away he realised different. He told me he would call when i get back to talk as i was still willing to see him.

 

I came back 2 weeks ago and he never called so i called him last weekl and he said he was too much oif a wimp to deal with it. ANd that its best not to see each other.

 

I couldn;t believe he didn;t ev en show me even respect or manners to break up with me properly. I have only ever treated him with respect.

 

He said he felt pressure and that i didn;t let the relationshp take its natural course. As i always wanted to know where we were.

 

I know he has made up his mind and he won;t change it. But i still really like him. Why after everything is it so hard to let go? I don;t think i am in love with him yet but i do adore him, even now.

 

He said he will text me for a coffee when he is town but i am not holding my breath.

 

I just wish he dealt with the situatiobn better - i feel in the end he ignored my existence.

 

I thought the two week away would make someone miss me but it came out with the adverse result.

 

I still want him - am i mad?

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I don't think you're mad. But this isn't a good sign, is it?

 

Aside from the issues with this particular guy, it concerns me that you state that you found happiness again in Oct when you met this guy. IMO, you need to find happiness with yourself before you can be in a relationship. Maybe that's why you are putting pressure on this guy... do you need to be in a relationship to be happy? If so, you may be in for a world of heartache.

 

My advice... forget this guy for now, go NC, and find out what makes YOU happy. Don't date anyone until you find a way to be happy on your own.

 

CG

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On the day i was flying home he sent me a text saying "morning, hope u're having a good time, what are your plans today?" and i replied when i got back " awesome time, thanks, back home now" and then he never responded - why send the text then?

 

With my last ex i understand why we broke up cos we argued a lot but with this guy we didn't. So i wonder if it is me now

 

I just wanted to see where the relationship would go.

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When i met him i guess i was in a better place as things were looking brighter after the previous break up.

 

I was doing a job i really enjoyed - and then i met him.

 

I know i will be ok in the long term but its just the short term i can;t cope with.

 

For someone to say they will never fall in love with you should surely be enough for me to let go but why is it not?

 

yeah i am not ready to date anyone at the moment.

 

Its the guys birthday on monday - i know i should forget about him but i still care and i know i shouldn;t text.

 

the worse thing is i even agreed to carry on seeing him without commitment but he declined and said its not fair for me and like him i should find someone who wants to spend a lot of time with me and misses me/.

 

Do u think the stuff he said to me before i went on hols was all fake? is he such a good actor?

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I have been in similar situations following a break up. The temptation to text, call and let it ring a few times hoping he'll call back, msging online...most times I've regretted it and just ended up feeling more rejected when he hasn't replyed like I had hoped. Don't drag it out. The quicker and cleaner, the better.

 

I don't know how close you guys were or the specifics of how everything went down, but this is certain...you deserve to be with someone who REALLY wants to be with you. You don't want to have to convince someone you are right for them. There is someone else out there for you and you will be OK. I know that it's hard to see past the pain of a fresh break up so here's my advice:

 

go out! do something fun and connect with your friends.

do something for yourself a bubble bath or whatever

buy yourself something special...it doesn't have to big

delete his number...you don't need it and you don't need him!

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Thanks chick

 

I have deleted his number I did that the day we had the phone call in Thailand. But if a girl wants to find a number she will.

 

He also said the same "woudln;t u want to be with someone who u want to see all the time?" he knows he will

 

His friends warned me he had commitment problems but u never believe u are the one he has them with.

 

We had a talk before i went away and he said he never wanted kids and i did, not right now but i will and i think that is what pushed him to teh decision.

 

I miss talking to him and texting him - today i have had the strongest urge to call him but i won;t

 

My friend said its only 3 months how can u like soemone a lot in 3 months? i don;t think time is the factor here

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You know what - I even offered him a fling, pretty much lay myself out on a table for him but he declined. I guess I should feel at least he respects me.

 

I am so stupid to have offered myself but we do do things in the heat of the moment.

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Actually i was quite happy with a fling ( or i think i am) as i just wanted to go with the flow this time.

 

Maybe I came accross as too intense and too needy and too much pressure.

 

My friend said i have battered wife syndrome - i am blaming myself

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It is commonly said that 3 months is when most relationships either end or move forward. I'm sorry that in your case, it was the end. It sounds like his manner of ending it was cowardly, but be glad that he had the decency to tell you his feelings were not strong enough to continue.

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I always think when you are older it takes longer to fall in love. When you are a teenager you fall in love within weeks but when u are older u need to nurture love...i guess he just didn;t want to do that with me.

 

I remember him telling me we had chemistry as well.

 

I know i am making excuses for him, i really liked him, and i miss the intimacy with him.

 

Why does he not even want to meet me face to face to break up with me? am i not worth it?

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i know its crazy but I really wasn't looking for something serious and maybe it would have developed into something serious. I was happy with the way things were.

 

What can i do to convince him that i am not looking for marriage? I just want to continue seeing him in the way we were before

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He doesn't wanna meet up cos as far as he's concerned everything is said. Sounds like yes he did like you, felt attracted to you but just not enough to take this long term, something was missing for him and that hasn't got to do with you necessarily. It's like a beautiful top and a beautiful skirt that just don't match. You cannot force anything upon him, he feels the way he feels, what can you do about it? Trying to figure someone out, his issues, his actions is EXHAUSTING and also unecessary. It's normal you are confused but I would urge you to take the focus away from him and try to retrain your brain to act like he doesn't exist. xx

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Thank you Quirky Girl, I know you are right and everyone is right but I can't stop wanting him. Crazy i know.

 

He said if he saw me he knows he will want to sleep with me, as he is attracted to me.

 

Why am I willing to sell myself short? I know i deserve more but the desire to want to be with him is too much, this is going to make me sound awful but the intimacy was fantastic and he made me feel great. I know its not all about s3x but i haven;t felt like that in a long time.

 

How can i retrain my brain? whats the best way?

Also its his birthday tomorrow...i know i shouldn;t contact him anymore - i do still care though

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But he has declined a fling with me - so i guess he wasn;t as attracted to me as i thought he was

 

i feel so stupid for putting myself on a plate to him and for him to reject me.

 

Yeah i prob wouldn;'t be able to handle it but i don't know - emotion are weird things aren;t they?

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For someone to say they will never fall in love with you should surely be enough for me to let go but why is it not?

 

hearing something like that has got to hurt like hell.

i've never experienced it, but i could only imagine how you're feeling.

i know if it were me, it would really hurt my self confidence.

 

i'm sure one of the reasons you cant let go is because you want to prove him wrong. you want to show him how great of a person you actually are;and that you ARE capable of making him fall in love with you.

 

but what i dont understand is, how can he say after only three months that he ALREADY knows he'll never fall in love with you. that doesnt make sense to me.

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That's exactly it - how can someone be so sure that they will NEVER fall in love with someone. That's what baffles me too.

 

I know i am prob making excuses but it feels like he is convincing himself that he will not fall in love with me. And has got his guard up. But then again he must surely mean it.

 

I need to let go now - i really do but how do i do it?

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Sometimes people have an intuition, tends to be people with great self awareness that just 'know' what is right for them. Maybe it's that.. I agree with parlae that your ego is hurt and that you wanna prove him wrong. Ask yourself this WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT? really.. what? Although his decision sounds insane to you, you do have to slowly accept it, what else can you do? live in his shadow? beg him? When i said about retraining your brain I meant start the day like he doesn't exist. What would you be doing? What would you be thinking? How would you be dressing? Don't panic,you won't stop wanting him from one day to the next, just slowly accept it..xx

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Yeah Quirky girl i think u are right

 

Ok, today is his birthday and I know i shouldn't get in touch with him. Sometimes i think its nice just to send a text to show i care, but i guess I don;t exist.

 

So i am going to wish him a Happy birthday here - and wish him fun and happiness this year!!!.

 

I shouldn;t text him should i?

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You're taking it too personally because you allowed this new relationship to distract you from doing the real work you should have done after the previous breakup.

 

Someone mentioned earlier that you need to find the happiness within yourself, not from someone else. You put that pressure and expectation on them, and when it doesn't work, you crash even harder.

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Yeah i guess you are right.

 

When i met this current ex i was still hurting from my previous ex, but then i did really like the current one, he made me feel like i deserved happiness. I wasn't going out of my way to meet someone, i never do. It just happened.

 

I know i will be ok but is it crazy to pine over someone after 3 months. I know its not long and i don;t think i was in love with him but could see it heading that way.

 

I haven't cried at all

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