IronHorse Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 There comes a time in everyone's life especially us single people when we look back and think. Have I arrived to that point where all my opportunties for a lasting relationship are in the past. That you used up your patience that everyone spoke of long ago. You know they saying "the right one will come along someday, be patient" Looking back upon things I can recall three great opportunities I let pass. It even hurts to think about two of them. I don't hold them at fault nor was there anything that brought the relationships to a bitter end. No fights, No cheating, nothing bad to speak of I just didn't follow through with how I felt and let them go without ever telling them my true feelings. I wonder how things would be today if I had of told them? But one can't go and undue the past and in a very loving way I'm happy for them. I sincerly hope they found the happiness they sought in their lives. As for myself I find my journey hasn't turned out what I thought it would. I was always optimistic that regardless of my mistakes that I too would find happiness. But now reaching an age in my life where the end of the road in regard to having a family is near impossible. I'm forced to consider that those earlier life time errors was the oportunities that had been given to me and no future opportunities exsist. I get no looks these days and whenever I try to ask a woman out she just says no. I tried those online dating sites for several years and never got any messages or replies to any I sent. Makes you sort start realizing maybe your just not good looking enough any longer to even be attractive. I'm cool with it if this be the case? Afterall I have no one to blame but myself for getting to this point. I just never expected to be single for so long... Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I've went through periods like that too. Mainly when I was married to a man who thought it was a bad idea to dish out compliments, or boost someones ego. I'm finding the single life quite charming honestly. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? Link to comment
IronHorse Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 I've went through periods like that too. Mainly when I was married to a man who thought it was a bad idea to dish out compliments, or boost someones ego. I'm finding the single life quite charming honestly. I wasn't implying that the single life doesn't have it's perks. Furthermore, one can be single and still go out on dates. But if your single and not dating because your unable to find anyone interested in dating you, then something is a matter or has changed. Especially when in years past you used to be able to get dates and in the present you can't even get someone to look your way. I really don't know what has happened? I can go out to a nightclub or any other type of social gathering and I have no luck. I even tried the online thing for about 5 years with several sites and never once got a message or even a reply to the many messages I sent. So, this has left me with the impression I must be so unattractive that all my opportunities lay in the past. I don't understand why this has occurred? I'm not overweight, I'm quiet fit for my age, I'm fairly tall at 6 foot, I have a good job, I have my hobbies (The kind women don't participate in), I have a good personality, I can be quiet funny, I'm interesting and can actually converse on many topics, i'm anything but boring... I certainly don't consider myself unattractive but I know I'm no Brad Pitt. So, if all those other things matter so much then why am I so passed over if it's not my looks. While I don't think I'm ugly that has no bearing on whether women think the same. Evidently not because how is it I can do all these things and try so many different ways to meet a woman and all reject me? How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? Check your PM Link to comment
Anyway Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 As for myself I find my journey hasn't turned out what I thought it would. I was always optimistic that regardless of my mistakes that I too would find happiness. You have to be happy for yourself. Nobody else can take care of this. Why do you think you always get rejected? Link to comment
IronHorse Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 You have to be happy for yourself. Nobody else can take care of this. Why do you think you always get rejected? Well, I am happy with myself. I meant happiness in the context of the question here as in dating. Not that I don't like who I am or that I feel there is something wrong with me. I have no idea why I always get rejected? it's not like I only hit on 10's... Even the 3's don't look my way... So I'm only left to assume since I get no real answers elsewhere that I must not be attractive enough. It's not like they say O' you not nice enough, O' your not tall enough, O' your not educated enough?... They say nothing at all... The lack of a response leave only blanks to fill in not true answers or helpful answers. Link to comment
Anyway Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 So I'm only left to assume since I get no real answers elsewhere that I must not be attractive enough. That's the wrong mindset ;-). Just keep trying to get dates. In my experience it's a numbers game and you'll get rejected more often than you'll get dates. That's normal. Keep cool. Link to comment
corvidae Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I here you, you are NOT alone!! I can't get dates either despite all my attributes, self-confidence and success. Women just don't 'acknowledge me'. You know what I mean? I think you do. That feeling you get when no-one even looks at you...ever. How are you in terms of physical attractiveness? Lately, I've been talking to a lot of women about dating and I'm amazed how obsessed they are with looks. Well, I am happy with myself. I meant happiness in the context of the question here as in dating. Not that I don't like who I am or that I feel there is something wrong with me. I have no idea why I always get rejected? it's not like I only hit on 10's... Even the 3's don't look my way... So I'm only left to assume since I get no real answers elsewhere that I must not be attractive enough. It's not like they say O' you not nice enough, O' your not tall enough, O' your not educated enough?... They say nothing at all... The lack of a response leave only blanks to fill in not true answers or helpful answers. Link to comment
beerman Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Ironhorse - I feel your pain and can relate to exactly what you are going through. The online dating thing has been a real blow to the ego. I didn't realize how unattractive I must really be until I started using online sites. It apparently is all about looks on those sites and even if you have average to above average looks you still don't get responses to emails. Very, very frustrating! It is very tough to be patient but I think that is all guys like us can do. The key is to keep putting yourself in to situations where you will meet new people and make new friends (I know, easier said than done). Good luck! Link to comment
IronHorse Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Ironhorse - I feel your pain and can relate to exactly what you are going through. The online dating thing has been a real blow to the ego. I didn't realize how unattractive I must really be until I started using online sites. It apparently is all about looks on those sites and even if you have average to above average looks you still don't get responses to emails. Very, very frustrating! It is very tough to be patient but I think that is all guys like us can do. The key is to keep putting yourself in to situations where you will meet new people and make new friends (I know, easier said than done). Good luck! Yep, it's quiet dissappointing especially when even the women of lesser looks don't even look your way. Makes one wonder how bad you must really look in their eyes. Yea, I'm really going way out in putting the effort this go around as I figure I've got nothing to lose. There's only one direction from the bottom the way I see it. So, whether they want to be approched or not, whether or not they will speak or turn and walk away saying nothing. They are going to have to hear what I have to say and that's that! I'm not going to force myself upon them and they can say they are not interested if they like but I'm no longer going to be ignored as if it's perfectly acceptable for them to treat another human being so poorly. The one thing I've noticed I rarely and I mean rarely ever see a woman in a nightclub that also has a profile up on dating site. Now why is that could it be they think they don't need such sites to find a decent man. Maybe they haven't reached the point in their life where they can so no to a man's face leaving him with some diginity. Those women that use those online dating sites evidently have some issues already. From their vantage point behind a key board they feel it's perfectly acceptable to be rude whereas in public that same behavior would be viewed as cold and inapproiate... I do think I'm much better now and feel much more like I'm in the grove of life. Seems like I've been getting some good vibes from strangers and friends with this new found attitude. Link to comment
dr_styles Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 I here you, you are NOT alone!! I can't get dates either despite all my attributes, self-confidence and success. Women just don't 'acknowledge me'. You know what I mean? I think you do. That feeling you get when no-one even looks at you...ever. I won't cry too old/too late or throwing in the towel just yet (though for my age I am still "behind") but I think we all know very well the feeling very well. You go about your life and you wonder how not one girl seems to even look twice (forget that, once!) at you ... Link to comment
IronHorse Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 So what is one to do but be a bit discouraged? I mean if occasionally there was at least some success it wouldn't be so bad? However, to go for years being overlooked and rejected adds up an emotional weight on one's esteem. Especially, when your scraping the bottom of the barrel and even they won't look your way? And what's up with the woman on these dating sites? They never write or respond unless you look like Brad Pitt. Furthermore, if there was a Brad Pitt type on there why on earth would they believe he would settle for just them. He's getting all the mail so why would he worry about just one woman when he's got dozens of hearts to break each week. So, he can treat them how ever he likes and if one gets upset because he used her what does he care he's got three more to fill her shoes. I think woman allow themselves to get played far more than they realize and then whine about how they can't find a decent guy. Well. why is that? Could it be women allow this to happen because they won't give an average guy a chance? Link to comment
beerman Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I think woman allow themselves to get played far more than they realize and then whine about how they can't find a decent guy. Well. why is that? Could it be women allow this to happen because they won't give an average guy a chance? Ding, ding, ding - we have a winner!!! Link to comment
IronHorse Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 Returning to the purpose of this thread I find myself wondering why I let what was a good thing slip through my fingers. I have laugh now days about it especially with that uprising new country singer Taylor Swift. One of the girls I spoke of earlier way back then looked very much like she does today. For the life of me I can't figure out why I refused to go out with her when I did so much like her and she and I liked each others company. Stupid I guess? Now a days I can't even attract a woman with 1/64 of her looks. I guess I've become too old and ugly as I've aged and all those opportunites are in the past. You know when I was being told to be patient that the right one would come along. Well I think my alotted paitent time ran out when I wasn't looking and I moved right into the "it's never going to happen era" Link to comment
dr_styles Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I don't think you can really ask why didn't do this or that in the past. You might regret not doing it but to somehow say it was better to or not isn't really right. For instance I really regret not being more involved/social at Uni/college, where without trying, without going out of way in your "work" (studies) you mingle with heaps and heaps of people. Yet at the same time, I was very comfortable with the way I went through those years - at the time I didn't go around thinking should I do go to this, talk to her, talk to him, ask her out, etc. But yeah, same result. I'm out the other end and don't have the natural option to. Link to comment
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