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DJBaby

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Hi All,

 

Thanks in advance for letting me vent. If you have any advice, that would be great.

 

I broke up with him a couple of months ago because of an emotional affair on his part. A couple of weeks later, we decided on a trial separation instead to take some time to figure out what we really wanted. I told him if he had anything he wanted to do outside of our relationship, now is the time. And I meant it. We lived together for four years and now he is living about a mile away.

 

Recently, we have really been making progress and have finally started opening up to each other again... and because I obviously have trust issues now, I didn't want to start trying to fix this blindly. So I went looking, and found his profile on a dating site. I also want to add that I have OCD, so it's hard for me, once I get the idea in my head, NOT to go looking.

 

So, I confronted him with it. I just felt like I misunderstood what we were doing here, trying to work things out, and he's on a dating site. His explanation to that was that I told him to get out there if he felt the need. Fair enough, but it's bothersome to me that he would do it on the internet considering I or any of our friends might find it, thus making me look like a fool once again. He said he understood and he'd take it down. He also told me that he is not interested in lying to me, so if I have any questions, ask and don't go looking for problems. I agreed.

 

We made a "date" to actually talk about what we want from our relationship and from our own individual lives, and that will happen tomorrow, but I was wondering, does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep the conversation cool? I tend to get a bit emotional and I really want to approach this calmly...

 

Thank you!

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Thank you ghostlyone... really good advice. I will make sure we establish the no interrupting thing at the very beginning and try to make it as fun as possible. We always have fun together, so I don't think that will be hard.

 

When you say I need to force myself to start all over, what exactly do you mean? Do you mean start the entire relationship all over? Or the lines of communication?

 

Clementine, I'm not really sure I understand your question...

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Yeah. I told him that now was the time if we are going to get back together. It's ok with me if he dates other people, I would just rather he is discreet about it instead of putting it all out there on the internet...

 

I just want him to get it out of his system if we are going to get back together because I am NOT going to deal with another affair.

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