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Please help, driving myself crazy!


HouseKitten
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I've met a guy

 

I reeeeeally like him. A friend set us up last sunday. He kissed me at the end of the night, we'd gotten on really well, there was a definite spark, he took my number. He texted me that same night to say he really liked me, then in the morning on monday tuesday and wednesday (on tuesday the text conversation lasted right into the evening!). On thursday (yesterday) we didn't text because we were both going to be in a club that evening with different friends so we'd said we'd meet up.

I saw him in the club and we spent a while talking and we danced together, and we kissed a lot and had a really good time I felt like it went really well, less pressure cos we were both with friends as well but he told me again that he really liked me.

 

Now today, the day after, he didn't text all day so about 5ish I texted him just to say I had a great time and I hoped he did, and was his friend (who got in a fight) okay? He didn't text back for 2 hours. I texted him back in 10minutes, now it has been almost another 2 hours and I'm still waiting for a reply. When we were texting in the week he was replying every 10 or 15minutes. Now this?

 

Please tell me I'm being nuts and he can't possibly have gone off me already since we had such a great time last night. He even added me as a friend on facebook this morning so I don't think he can have been off me from last night. I'm just being stupid right?

 

I like this guy so much, never dated someone before that I didn't already know as a friend so this is very new, its driving me mad not knowing what is normal for him!

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OMG, is this what goes on in a girl's head when guys don't return texts fast enough....no wonder my g/f is (and was) all passive aggressive and crazy on me.

 

I eventually turned off the text function on my mobile - no more of that crap for me - she was making ME nuts with all the texting.

 

OP: in a word: chill. Maybe the guy needs to actually either 1.) work or 2.) recharge his phone

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Ok i know exactly how you feel i am in same situation listen to the others on here they are right lay off a bit (easier said than done i know) he will only get annoyed and believe me u dont want that to happen. I am speaking from very recent experience, lads dont think like us, I was have been with this guy since september we get on really well and had a fab time over christmas then i made a mess of it new years eve with persistent drunken texting and when i didnt hear from him for a couple of days i was worried i had really messed things up turned out tho that he had lost his phone and all his numbers i felt very stupid and worse needy. Take things slow and enjoy the moment otherwise u will end up regretting it

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I hate delayed text messages too... But no point overanalysing just yet... especially if he is replying that is a good sign. Give it a few days and see what happens. Whatever you do, don't text again, just wait for his response.

 

Ammy

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Okay, took all your advice and haven't texted him... he didn't reply yesterday after I sent him a reply and hasn't texted me today at all.

 

It's so hard! I've been really restraining myself, had all these crazy thoughts like calling his work to see if he's working today, or asking a mutual friend if he's said anything about me... but I haven't acted on anything, have left it completely alone.

 

I think its worse cos it's been a while since I dated anyone, was in a long relationship and this is a bit new.... is it normal for a guy to be really enthusiastic when you're with him, then take a few days to actually ask you on a proper date? He said the last time I saw him that we should go out, just the two of us, and I agreed... I really hope he texts me soon cos I'll be hanging on this for ages unless he does >

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It is normal for a man to wait a few days before asking out a woman again - or a week. I think you are mistaking texting for interest in dating you - he had fun with you out at the club and if he wants to take you out on a date he will ask you. I would ease up on the texting because that gives him less time to think about you in a "wow I miss her - I'd love to see her" rather than seeing you as a new chat buddy he doesn't have to put effort in to have contact with.

 

It's also very normal for someone to have a blast hanging out a few times with someone and then decide that there is no real potential there - nothing personal, just a "clicking" issue.

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I hope it's not that felt like we had a really great connection, he said himself he felt really comfortable sitting talking to me, and he said we should meet alone rather than with a group of friends.

 

I feel optimistic because of his actions... is just so hard not to overthink because if it were me in control then I'd want to arrange to meet him as soon as possible but then maybe he's trying to play it cool or something.

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Yes, you had a great connection for the two times you met in person - so please keep that in perspective and please don't get your hopes up that he will ask you out on a date - not because he is lying but because he is basically a stranger you met two times in person - I am advocating a realistic perspective and keeping a thick skin until you've been dating him regularly for at least a few months. Leave the ball in his court and my strong suggestion is to stop texting back and forth - tell him you are too busy to have a chat buddy but you would really enjoy seeing him again in person - and see what he does.

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Girl - you are WAY over-invested for a guy who hasn't asked you out on a date yet.

 

I suggest you pull WAY WAY back and as Batya said - STOP texting him all the time.

 

This guy may, or may not, ever actually take you out on a date. So, in the meantime, stay open to other guys.

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Okay well I'm giving up now

 

I was messaging a friend last night, who is married, and she talked me into sending this guy a short message just saying 'hey, what are you up to? at about 11:30 in the evening. I don't think I'll ever be taking her advice again cos its now 10:30 in the morning and he still hasn't texted back, which I'm just going to take as a massive 'I'm not interested'.

 

It sucks because I thought we really clicked even after only meeting a couple of times, and he had done all the chasing before this weekend, but there you go. Lesson learned, there's no point throwing out the rules and telling yourself its okay to show you're keen because he did - he'll just never reply >

 

Oh well, thanks for the advice guys, hopefully next time this happens I'll remember what happened here and let him do ALL the running!

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I don't think that's the appropriate lesson. No one should do all the chasing. The problem was that you had unrealistic expectations, basing a strong "connection" on meeting someone a few times, even though he hadn't yet asked you out on a real date. No, I would not have called a man I wasn't yet dating late at night (and no I don't think texting makes it more casual - it's a loud and clear message "please like me, please ask me out") - especially since texting is unreliable and you have no idea if he had his phone on, if he received it at all, when he received it - so it makes you feel even more insecure.

 

What worked best for me was to let the man ask me out on the first date and after that to let him do more of the asking, planning and calling -- if he contacted me more than once or twice without asking me out on a date (after meeting on a blind date or through a dating site) I kept the conversation very short, didn't respond right away, so that if he wanted to continue the conversation he had to put in the effort to ask me out on a real date. You chose to be more of a chat buddy to him and to hang out with him when he was out with friends anyway - no effort on his part.

 

These are just suggestions and with that you need a much thicker skin when it comes to dating especially about your expectations about whether someone who never asked you out is interested in dating you - he might be, he might not be, but reading into "signs" other than asking you out for a date is most often a waste of time and will make you crazy. Been there, done that.

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Batya's right - that's not your lesson here.

 

It's that you manifested this into something it wasn't. He had yet to ask you on a date, and while I don't argue that he did seem to like you, I think your hot pursuit cooled his jets big time. I think he smelled the desperation and earnest, and it turned him off.

 

But you are right about one thing, Sad. It's been my experience that any time I have chased a guy, it NEVER worked out for me. It has made me realize that bottom line - if a guy is interested, he will let you know. No excuses, no rationalizations - plain and simple - if he's into you, you'll know.

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