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Is this normal for a couple?


Nsanchez

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Hello everyone! I am new to this board. I hope I can help some of you out and vice versa. I have been living with my boyfriend for almost a year. This is the first time I live with someone and I just want to know if this is "normal" couple behavior. I am 28 and he's 33. During the week, he comes home from work turns on the TV and that's pretty much it for the entire night. I usually watch TV in the room, since we don't really agree on the shows and then we'll catch some shows together really late at night. So typically we're spending 6-7 hours a night just watching TV in silence. We don't really have much to talk about - not much in common (I come to find out around 6 months ago). On the weekends, I go out with my mom or my girlfriends and spend the whole day out because I honestly don't want to be home bored and when I'm with him we really don't have too much fun. He's a pretty serious guy and I love to laugh but I don't get to laugh too often when we're together. I love him but at this point, I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life like this. It's like we're just going through the motions everyday. I don't feel us growing as a couple and I honestly don't see how we even could. We argue a lot but then the next day we act like nothing every happened. I don't look forward to anything but I don't want to lose someone and then regret it. That is my biggest fear. I don't want to feel like I'm maybe asking for too much from my partner. So I ask you, is this normal...feeling this way after only a year?

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I completely understand your response...I guess I just don't want to face it. I do love him, he is very sweet and I know he loves me very much, but I guess it just makes it that much harder because we live together to leave him. I know there are a lot of single women out there now and I honestly hate being single. I know...it sounds so stupid.

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Love in the romantic sense is much more than having a body in your bed and on the sofa. Love is about having a deep connection with someone..someone you share things with...laughter, joy, tears and the mundane things in life. You two may share living quarters but you don't really share anything else. It sounds like the love you share is the kind of love that happens between siblings...not romantic love. Sure, maybe the sex is good, but is that just as blah as your day to day existence with each other. It sounds like you both just don't want to be alone so you settled for each other and call it love...but what enjoyment do you really derive from each other when you two barely interact. It sounds like I talk more to my dog than you talk to each other! In short, to answer your question "is this normal for a couple"...not for a couple who is head over heals for each other....this is only normal for a couple who have settled in order to not be alone.

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This is not normal of a healthy, loving relationship. He's gotten overly comfortable and to him this might be the best place he's ever been in. But I can tell you're not content with this situation. You already know that you want out but can't face how to get out of it.

 

Sometimes being a great guy, being loved, isn't enough. You need more; you need laughter, attention, conversation, stimulation none of which he gives you.

 

I guess I just don't want to face it. I do love him, he is very sweet and I know he loves me very much, but I guess it just makes it that much harder because we live together to leave him. I know there are a lot of single women out there now and I honestly hate being single. I know...it sounds so stupid.

 

You have to face it. Becasue really, he's never really going to change. You're not going to magically find stuff you have in common. He will never really be able to give you all those laughs, conversation during shows etc. That's just part of who he is: laidback and comfortable.

 

Love for a relationship is not enough to stay in that relationship. It's harder to leave because you live together is right, but it is still not impossible. You're not getting any younger, he's not going to magically change overnight into this dream guy.

 

Yes, there are lots of single women, but there are lots of single men too. Don't use the "I hate being single" excuse. Do you want to be the woman who settles for a man who treats her pretty good but whom you never REALLY, truly love with everything you are? Probably not. Being single isn't SO bad you know... And one day down the road there will be a man who can hold a conversation during TV, who will make you pee your pants because you're laughing so hard, will never make you want to leave home because he and you are having so much fun... etc. Don't settle even if he's a "great guy" that doesn't mean he's great... for you.

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You're all completely right. 100%. I guess I have gotten used to this life and it's not really one that I ever thought I would get used to...nor want to. I forgot what it's like to be "in love". I haven't been head over heels in love in so long and I guess I'm scared that I won't find it and I have settled for this. I don't know how to face him and tell him this but I will have to.

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You're all completely right. 100%. I guess I have gotten used to this life and it's not really one that I ever thought I would get used to...nor want to. I forgot what it's like to be "in love". I haven't been head over heels in love in so long and I guess I'm scared that I won't find it and I have settled for this. I don't know how to face him and tell him this but I will have to.

 

Here's the question you should ask yourself when you start to doubt the right thing to do: "Am I ready to risk something 'pretty good' for potenitally something 'truly wonderful'?" I felt the very same thing. I risked the exact same thing and I ended up with something 'truly wonderful'.

 

None of this makes what you will have to do any easier. It will probably be the hardest thing you'll have to do. But everytime you doubt it, ask yourself that question. Stick to your gut answer which deep down you already know.

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I guess I'm just scared that "truly wonderful" will never come along. I have been in so many relationship, good ones and not so good ones, and this always happens. I guess I'm tired of breaking up and having to start new all over again. All my friends are getting married and having babies and I have to start dating again...I am not whining just venting...

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I guess I'm just scared that "truly wonderful" will never come along. I have been in so many relationship, good ones and not so good ones, and this always happens. I guess I'm tired of breaking up and having to start new all over again. All my friends are getting married and having babies and I have to start dating again...I am not whining just venting...

 

Well then here's the question: "are you ready to RISK what you have for something better?" You are right in the it may never happen and this could be the best you will ever get. If you're too scared to risk it all (I was the same I wasn't ready to risk at first) then you better be prepared for the rest of your life to be exactly as it is now. Which by the sounds of it, it isn't all that grand.

 

Yes, your friends have all found the love of their lives and are getting married, that's great... for them.

 

You know no one can tell you you'll meet mr. perfect if you leave your bf. You may you may not. If you stay, stay with all your heart and make it work. If you leave, find comfort in knowing that whatever happens, you are on your own mission to be as happy as you deserve to be.

 

I am a success story of this situation and I'm glad I risked it now. Best of luck.

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It's normal if it isn't ALL THE TIME! And the fact that you say that you are happier when you aren't with him, sure sign you guys aren't meant to be. I don't know how you would put up with this for so long.

 

My mom's advice on men: your soulmate should be a guy that can make you smile and laugh at least once a day everyday for the rest of your life.

 

That was the best advice I think I have ever gotten from my mother.

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