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NC for 2 weeks then I messed up!


jxl

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So, after 2 weeks of no contact she contacted me last Friday to see how I was doing. I kept it short and sharp and said that unless you have changed your mind (she said she was confused and needed space to think) then we should not speak. I then felt really weird over the weekend and got in touch with her this Monday just gone. I know I shouldn’t have but I just missed her so much and her getting in touch with me brought it all to the front of my mind again

 

Anyway, we got into a text conversation and it got onto us and everything and she still said she didn’t know how she felt. I then said well if you don’t know then we should just have a clean break and not leave me hanging waiting for her to make her mind up and so she agreed. This killed me and really sent me under as it was like all the hope had gone.

 

For those of you that don’t know, what broke us up was I had some anxiety problems which got in the way of us. I have been seeing a therapist for the last 3 months though and dealing with those issues. However part of me feels like the last bit of my anxiety problem needs to be dealt with when I’m in a relationship where someone understands as otherwise I’m thinking I’ve sorted out my problems and then I’ll be putting loads of pressure on myself to not feel them when I get back into a relationship. She got quite freaked out by my anxiety problems, which manifested in really bad stomach problems which meant I couldn’t eat which in turn got me quite down. I was never controlling or jealous or clingy but she got really worried about it which in turn made me worse! Is it too much to ask of someone to understand. I know it’s unfair of me to say but if it was the other way round it wouldn’t phase me at all and I would want to help the other person through it.

 

Anyway so now I’m left in a position where she doesn’t want to be with me (but only because she thinks I shouldn’t be in a relationship right now). She also said she wants to be free to go and meet new people. That kills me as well. I’m a sensitive guy and sometimes I feel I’m too sensitive for this world. How can I get anxious around someone I’m supposed to love.

 

Do you guys think that I shouldn’t be in a relationship? I’m continuing to sort my anxieties out and to be honest they don’t even occur now as I’m single but how to I sort it out if we are to get back together or for the next girl? Also should I just go no contact? Part of me feels that if she is to ever give me a second chance if I sort myself out I have to just let her go, but she was my best friend as well and I want her in my life!!

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Hey,

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone struggles with breaking No Contact and their own issues that surfaced in the relationship.

 

I think you should notice that after your ex called you recontacted her a few days earlier. I would suggest that was panic caused by anxiety surrounding your ex.

 

I think it is great you have recognised that it might be better solving these issues before being in a relationship. That shows great concern for a future partner which is a fantastic quality.

 

I would continue seeing your therapist and I would also supplement it with self help books on fear/anxiety. There are loads of great books out there which could really boost your progress. I would reccommend reinventing your life. This tackles all kinds of issues, some you may not even be aware of that could be affecting your life.

 

I think if you work on yourself and give your ex some space there could be a possibility of a reconcilliation. But I think its vital you just think of yourself and stop all contact for a while. That will be a true test of your anxiety.

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First of all she is unsure of how she feels and what she wants. Only you can decide if you can handle a friendship at this point (she also said she wants to be free and see other guys). It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself as the pp said. Mistakes are human (i.e. breaking the NC thing). Everyday u learn something. Try to have a full life. In the end there is only U and yourself and whatever your higher power or God or whatever is to u. That little compassionate voice inside yourself, that can forgive others and yourself and that KNOWS what it needs right now.

 

I too suffer anxiety (and low self-love and the whole bit). It's true that u can really only face those issues that arise in a relationship, IN a relationship. But we have breaks in between and when we are long term we must not loose touch with that private, intimate, alone side of us as well. Take this opportinity to work on yourself and heal. Live your life to the fullest like I said. there is only u. other people are only mirroring your own stuff to u. When you are happier with yourself, better relationships will come (with her or another).

 

If she contacts u it is because obviously she still cares about you. She may be afraid to completelly let u go, even though she is the one who left. Don't play that game. Live your life, I mean really BE WITH YOURSELF. Playing this game of fear is unhealthy. If you need space, tell her. If you can do LC, do it. You cannot loose waht is meant for you! You must let go what is not...

 

I am going through a difficult time letting go of my own ex who left. Thing is I pushed him away because I felt not good enough, worthless even and I had a very hard time with boundaries and trust and intimacy. We love(d) each other, but I screwed it up (not sure how he participated, but at this point it's not really important to me. It's HIS stuff!). I hurt him by pushing him away during the relationship .I am a very controlling person at times. Always need to figure out what is going on in his head, what are his issues, etc. It's not important. I am responsible for myself. And for forgiving myself for my mistakes. And for healing. He must do his own healing. So he is gone and with soembody else, and they write little lovy dovy msgs on their msn public profile and it hurts me to see (very recent thing, and their relationship is only like 10 days old) but after I panicked this morning I decided to publish a comment on his page: " I wish you a lot of happinness! I want him to know that hey, I can SEE everything (he could have kept his exchanges private, it IS very hurtful, we were involved in emotional converstations very recently and he says he still has strong feelings for me), and I also want him to see that I accept whatever he is going thru and feeling, and that I am ok and letting go and that i do which him happiness. I really do.

 

You are the beloved.

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just relax and get back on the wagon...nothing is ruined or failed you just had a little set back. I've grown tremendously since this time last year and can actually have a small email exchange with the ex once in awhile. I just don't think of her in that way much anymore...sure I miss her sometimes but it is true that time will help you heal...work on yourself though because it's not going to happen by magic. Work on your issues and get yourself healthy then you can wonder what to do with her. I've just let go of another girl recently that I liked very much and I could see us hooking back up at some time but right now I need to do some work on myself to get myself back to being happy and healthy. I probably started dating again too soon but just learn from the past and go forward. I'm not worried about how long its going to take me ...I'm just focused on getting myself back on track.

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