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Should I throw in the towel on this one?


lucasky

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So I've already posted about this guy before: I asked him out, he mysteriously logged off messenger, only to text me asking me out the next day etcetc.

 

Well, yesterday he asked me last minute to babysit his kid, suggesting he possibly hang out after. When he came to pick up his child (its only an infant), his little boy kept crying and crying, so he had to go home.

 

Tonight on messenger he has been completely... untalkative? A little bit chatty, but overall, entirely quiet.

 

Until recently (as in tonight) I've kind stuck it out with this guy, because he claims to be very shy around girls, which is true but... does that really justify his bizarre actions? I mean I' m asking him open ended questions and hes not replying, isnt that a sign of disinterest? Why ask me to take care of his kid?

 

So.

I don't really know where to go from here? I'd feel bad walking away from a guy who is sincerely interested but... hes sending crazy signals that I'm getting tired of trying to figure out.

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To be honest, if he didn't seem to be participating at all besides the odd occasion I'd probably not bother - it all sounds a bit hit and miss.

Have you considered asking him outright if he's interested or not outright so that you can either open or close the door on it? I know you asked him in messenger but it might have logged out automatically/might not have gotten the message?!

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he had a date.

He had work. ;p I know that one for a fact. He had to last minute cover for someone (hes a manager and an employee couldn't show up).

 

I would throw in the towel. He won't go on a date with you, but will ask you to watch his kid? who does that? If I were him, i wouldn't even let some girl I barely knew watch my kid

 

I completely agree about the babysitting thing... and thats kind of why I'm confused. We really don't know eachother that well and he asked me to babysit! It sounded like he was in a real bind, so I said okay, but yeah... the date thing is sort of weird.

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That is what kind of has me confused Bataya:

When I asked him out, I asked if he wanted to hang out on Thursday (it was Wednesday night). He disappeared off messenger, then on Thursday called and texted to see if I wanted to do something - BUT! My phone was dead!

 

The second time we nearly went on a date was when we planned to go out together with his child after he picked him up from babysitting. Except, his baby kept crying and crying when he came to get him, so he decided it best to cancel the date and take his baby home to sleep.

 

So!

Where does that leave me? Two dates that nearly happened but didn't? We havnt even had a real first date yet, so I can't tell how often we should be texting/talking... and I just feel completely unsure how to measure things.

 

Is this a shy guy that is trying to make plans but things are getting in the way? Or is it a guy thats not interested that is being flakey with plans because hes not that interested?

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I tend to agree with the others, he doesn't seem interested enough - however if you wish to give it one last try, then maybe set a limit - ask him one further time and if something goes wrong again, give up on it and move on.

 

I had to do this, I have a tendency to make excuses for guys.. One particular guy time and time again we didn't get to have our date (3rd date) and when it didn't happen and plans fell through, I interpreted it as shyness, my mixed signals, or some other difficulty in his life that was preventing him from being with me - but in the end I realised when the pattern continued there was more to it - that is, he just wasn't that interest - it's not something you want to think but at the end it sometimes helps because you stop overanalysing and making other excuses and helps you ready yourself to move on and meet someone more suitable.

 

Why were you looking after his child anyway??

 

Ammy

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In my opinion if a man is sincerely interested in dating you he will ask you out on a date he plans in advance. Or, if the woman asks him out he will say yes with enthusiasm and be an active participant in planning the date. I would stop being his chat buddy and tell him nicely but firmly (emphasis on "nice") that you are too busy right now for chit chat but if he wants to get together he can call you when he has a specific plan time and place.

 

I understand your phone was dead but, again, since he knows you are interested, I don't think he's made a sufficient effort. It could be that he was a little put off by you asking him out (he may not even realize that it put him off but his behavior is consistent with someone who is not stepping up to the plate).

 

If you continue to chit chat, you will give him the clear message that you're fine with being available as a chat buddy even if he doesn't put in the effort to plan a date with you.

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