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I won't lie...I'm drunk. Drunk I think about my ex first thing when I get up, last thing before I get asleep. I'm not sorry I dumped her, she was bad for me. I was miserable. I'm not miserable when I go to work, I am feeling better. Todayh a friend sent a text that made me laugh. I will see my friend Sunday. Her husband is a cool guy and we'll all hav efun. I don't do this every night, but when I do it makesm e not care about anything and that helps. I worry that she'll try to contact me again. I need a friend. I couldn;t take the abuse anymore. She was terrible to me. I hate that I let her make me \feel like this. Make her go away forever.

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Thanks, ready2heal. I felt better today, but then I started slipping into this feeling again. I can't stop worrying...I don't want her to manipulate me into taking her back. I wish I never met her. It wasn't love. It was love on my part, but not recirprocated. I'm better than this. Without respect, theere is no love. She didn't respect me. I have to find true love. I want that. What my parents have, I want that. My dad calls my mom an old bag and she understands and is ok with that. I want love that understands.

 

The bottle is empty. I'm not buying any more. I can do this. I'm stronger than she ever thought I was. I'm not a pushover like she said, and I'm not weak. She doesn't even deserve the words I write about her, let alone to be in my mind.

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because she is manipulative and tricky. She could always make me doubt myself or back me into a corner. She made everything sound so good in the past then I'd take her back and kick myself immediatelty. She kept me for a year long er than she should have because she's good at it.

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because she is manipulative and tricky. She could always make me doubt myself or back me into a corner. She made everything sound so good in the past then I'd take her back and kick myself immediatelty. She kept me for a year long er than she should have because she's good at it.

 

but at least you are aware of her tactics. will you talk to her if she contacts you? imo i don't think that's a very good idea, i would ignore her, and i hope you do.

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but at least you are aware of her tactics. will you talk to her if she contacts you? imo i don't think that's a very good idea' date=' i would ignore her, and i hope you do.[/quote']

 

I'm on day 30 something of Nc. I haven't contacted her. She's tried over a dozen times, but I don't respond. Everytime she does though I get sick to my stomach

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I'm on day 30 something of Nc. I haven't contacted her. She's tried over a dozen times, but I don't respond. Everytime she does though I get sick to my stomach

 

wow good for you, keep it up. i don't blame you for feeling the way you do when she tries to contact you. i know i would get extreme anxiety if an ex were to contact me after a painful break up. just remember that those good times did not out weigh the bad, and that there is nothing more you can invest in her, and you will not find that love you need with her either.

i honestly do not see a point in ever bringing her back in your life if she has caused you such pain. you can grow and move on with out her. i don't think she will contribute much good to your life now.

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Thank you Hip hop.. I love Common. i'm sick of looking over my shoulder and worrying if she's there. I'm sick of looking at every silver car I see when I'm out and worrying if it's her. There's a lot of silver cars. I'm sick of her contacting my family and friends trying to appeal to their emotions. I never feel weak like I want to contact her, but I just want the memories of her to go away...like she never existed. I don't even miss her for the most part. I just need to move on. ready is right. I'm making myself feel the way I feel now. I'm going to sleep thinking about anything but her, like how I'm going to enjoy myself this weekend.

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yeah i think all you can do is wait it out and work on healing yourself. one day down the road you two may bump into each other and she'll just be a person from your past. have as much fun as you can now, you deserve to be happy and to get your life back on track.

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Ok, sobering up...I apologize for this thread. I'd delete it because it's more than embarrassing, but I'll leave it as a reminder for myself. She hasn't even tried contact in 3 days and I let her get to me. Ugh...I can't keep letting her win like this. I'm sorry. Thanks for the words, everyone.

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Hey seymore,

 

Don't be embarrassed by this thread. We all have our own struggles and they are all valid.

 

I understand so much the effects of abuse. These abusers are so manipulative they make you question yourself and doubt yourself. In my case my abuser made me think I was crazy (yes I even believed it) in your case your ex wants you to doubt your breakup and change your mind. There are times when we are left alone with our own thoughts and everything goes crazy.

 

You are right to stick to No Contact and you are doing so well. You will get over these feelings and you will get over the anxiety that surrounds your ex.

 

Just realise that all it is is anxiety. Your ex has put you on edge and caused panic at seeing her or hearing from her again. Try not to worry about it. If you are going to randomly bump into her then so be it. You cannot avoid it unless you stay indoors 24/7. So just cross that bridge when you come to it!

 

EVentually she will stop trying to contact you. But to make it easier on yourself I would get new numbers and block e-mails etc. I know it is a hassle but it just eliminates forms of contact and will put you more at rest.

 

I hope this helps and we are all here for you should you need it xx

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Good morning Seymour!

 

*hands you a cup of strong coffee*

 

You're at around 30 days out and you're doing fine man. I know what you mean when you say that you just want it to stop. I can tell you this from my own experience- Now that you're getting some time and distance from your ex you're gonna start feeling a LOT better.

 

I'm about 7 weeks out and I'm actually having some days where I hardly think about "the stuff" at all. What a relief that is! I'm also starting to internalize some of that "positive self-talk" that I had to force myself to do after all the abuse. At first I lied to myself and told myself that I was okay even when I felt horrible. Now, though, I really AM starting to BE okay.

 

The longer I'm away from my ex's abusive mindgames, her constantly creating doubt within myself, and all the other baloney she used to beat me down, the stronger I become. I'm not talking about "holding on with white knuckles" strong- I'm talking about naturally strong. The real me kinda strong. The kinda strong I was before I got involved with that witch. You don't see it but you're growing stronger too.

 

One of the more difficult challenges I faced was to block my ex. I was petrified! Sounds odd, doeesn't it? To hear me say that I was afraid to block her doesn't really make sense does it? No it doesn't but it is the truth- I was afraid to block her in every way because somehow I WANTED to hold on to some kind of "connection" to her. I was afraid to block her 100% because I would never again know that she still "cared" about me. I WANTED her to contact me. Pretty twisted thinking huh? You bet!

 

Blocking her was the best thing I did. The last thing I need is for her to harsh my mellow out of the blue like she had done so many times. What I don't know can't hurt me. Sure it felt kinda weird knowing that I would NOT hear from her but after a day or two it felt good to know that. It removed that sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It reduced my stress and anxiety. It removed the potential for her to hurt me any more. Take an honest look at why you might not have blocked her in every way yet. For me it was not wanting to cut that last thread of connection and the reality of truly letting-go.

 

Stay solid, man, and ease up on the drinking- there will plenty of time for that later. I know you just want to make it STOP! but all drinking does is postpone it. Take the high road and keep on keepin' on man.

 

Its getting better man. It really IS.

 

Peace,

 

JD123

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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