achick05 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I am feeling so alone, like there is no one to talk to out there. I am alone in this house and feel like the walls are closing in on me. My husband's out of town and has been gone for several days but I get no phonecalls, no emails... like he doesn't even care. And when he's here, I feel like he doesn't know I even exist. I can definitely say that the saying is true -- the first year of marriage is the hardest. I don't know if I can make it even one more day. I feel like I'm a burden on my friends and I'm a failure in my parents' eyes... I feel like there's no reason for living. The only thing that makes me happy is my silly little cat. He seems to know when I'm having a hard time. Why can't people do that? I feel like there is something that is missing in my life. I don't have many friends already and the ones I do have are busy living their happy lives while I sit, biting my tongue at the words I want to say. Is there anyone who understands? I don't know what to do... maybe it's best to just end it all. Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 How long have you felt like this? Since before you were married? Link to comment
achick05 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Yes... even more so now that I AM married. I just feel so neglected... he spends a lot of time at work and then when he gets off work, he comes home and gets on the computer to do "catch up" work for his website and I maybe get 30 minutes with him, if that. I don't have any siblings so there is no one I can really talk to except complete strangers on sites such as this. And trust me, it's been really nice and I appreciate it. Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Thats cool. Is this something you've spoken to him about? Blokes can be a bit dim at reading between the lines. Have you told him you need more? Link to comment
achick05 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Yes, I have asked him to divy up some time for me and he knows that a lot of time is devoted to other things. He apologizes constantly but I still feel so far away from him when he's right next to me. I feel like there is no connection sometimes... like something is missing and I can't pinpoint what it is. I sit here in tears and they won't quit running down my face. I'm a wreck. Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Sorry you're feeling so 5h!t. You say you don't have many people around you. Is that part of the problem do you think. That your life is too wrapped up in his. Maybe getting out into some sort of group thing may help (sorry, I'm a male too, so its hard not to try and fix things rather than just listen!! Link to comment
achick05 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 yeah, i'm not getting along with my parents at the moment. a lot of my friends are HIS friends and i know if i were to say anything, it'd get back to him and then he'd get mad for me not telling him. that's a can of worms i don't want to deal with. when i was in college, i had nothing BUT guy friends and never had to deal with any sort of drama and i loved it. but now with a husband, it's like i have to pretend to be somebody else. on top of that, i have extreme highs and lows.. i can't sleep through the night without waking up every hour (that's been going on for 2.5 years now)... i just don't know what to do. i have hated not having siblings and am jealous of that who have close relationships with their families. i never had that. Link to comment
Comatose Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Wow, sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. Surely there's more going on than just not getting along with your parents. It sounds like there's something going on in your marriage if your husband isn't calling and staying in touch to let you know he cares at this difficult time. Care to explain? Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Me neither. Always strained, and now I live on the opposite side of the world to them all. Can get lonely. It sounds like you have changed as a person - away from the true you to someone else. I think you owe it to yourself to get back to being you. You can't give to anyone really, if you're not happy first, so its not being selfish. At least you know who you were so have something to aim at. An ex of mine was pretty lonely, and she joined a website (non dating) where you just put up ideas of things you'd like to do, and others put their names down to join you. And you could join in with them. She met heaps of people through that and had loads of interesting things to do, even if it was just a bunch of girls to go watch a movie with. (link removed I think) Link to comment
achick05 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 I just feel that we don't have much in common anymore. He tells me that I am everything to him and that he would do anything for me... but do I have to tempt fate to find out if that's true? Ugh, I try to be happy and at a moment I could be very happy and then I think about something and my mood changes in an instant. I can't keep positive thoughts in my head. Link to comment
Comatose Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 . He tells me that I am everything to him and that he would do anything for me... but do I have to tempt fate to find out if that's true? Words are just words. They hold no meaning or honor for a lot of guys - they're hopeless dead-ends. Just because someone says something, doesn't make it so. It's what they choose to do, not what they say they would do. Sometimes I think it's good to tempt fate, if you want to know the brutal hard reality. If you're tired of lying to yourself, then yes. If you don't think you can handle it and potentially being alone - then no. Link to comment
Purusha Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time - it sounds very much like loneliness to me. There's nothing worse than living with someone you feel like a stranger to. Motivation can be a difficult thing to conjur up when you're feeling like this, but if you stay as you are things won't change. It sounds like you need to get out and mix with people and make some friends or start doing something that you enjoy, make small steps that make you feel better and like you're returning to 'you'. I had the same problem as you with my ex, felt very neglected and underappreciated because of the way that he behaved and his total lack of interest. I talked to him about it and it didn't seem to register and just carried on, when he did spare me 20 minutes because he knew I was pissed off it felt forced and that upset me more. In the end I left him and discovered through living my own life I was actually quite fun to be around and a nice person, which is the opposite that I felt at the time. I'm not saying that you should necessarily leave as your relationship might be very different, but you do need to get your self esteem back and get yourself feeling good about life - regardless of how your husband behaves only you have the power to be happy in your life, whatever that means for you. Do what makes you happy and if it's meant to be with your other half they will be there with you enhancing your experiences (and you theirs) and making life even better, if its not it'll soon be obvious. Link to comment
allypally Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I can totally empathise with you and understand what you're going through. As the others say, you need to do things that make you happy and find your equilibrium again. Its no use sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves - if we pursue the things and the life we want to lead, and the people who proport to love us don't want that for us or dont want to share it, then you know you've lost nothing but you've had the courage and found the strength to do it for yourself. I realise that everyone gets so wrapped up in their own world these days with all the stresses and strains of life, that they forget about those around them. I could say this about quite a few of my friends. If our SOs can't be there for us - then who can? Only we can. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.