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I think I just made a date with my ex?!


cemlaw

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I've posted my story in a couple threads already, so I won't go into it here again!

In my last couple of threads I worried about being in the "Friend Zone" and how the only contact attempts the ex is making is through text and email. I have responded to some and ignored others.

Here is what happened today:

He sent me an email about a class he knows I want to take and I responded as he had actually done some research on it for me and I considered it an act of kindness. We exchanged a few short, but friendly emails and then he made a comment about how he knows I hate to call anyone (which is true!) and then said I'd be pleased to know that our favorite local pizza place now has online ordering.

I responded that this might require a pizza-feast!

His reply? "Yeah, let's do that."

huh?!

I didn't say it as an invitation, but he took it as such and now it is out there. I didn't respond. I am not making a date/meet-up/hangout/whatever through freaking email. that's toooooo easy.

So again... it is out there and I guess if he really wants to do that or thinks I was asking, then eventually he'll call. Or not.

 

WHAT IS GOING THROUGH THIS MAN'S HEAD?! *grrrrrr* it's frustrating, and yet, it almost feels like we are making some head way... baby steps.

 

Am I reading too much into this, or did I/he just make plans??

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I guess baby steps are the only way to go. We have so much history and SUCH a bad thing broke us up.... dipping one toe in at a time seems wise.

 

You are right also that it deserves a reply. It's been about 3 hours since he sent it. I have since go to the gym and am back at work... so I guess I'll just say what you did above.

 

oh, and I had another email from him in my work account when I got back from the gym. So he has emailed me 7 times to my gmail and once to my work email today. I should feel happy about this, right??

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That's the question... most days the answer is yes. Then some days I have a lot of left over anger for what he did.

 

For most of the 3 years it was a good and loving relationship and I miss it and him, of course. If nothing else, I think it is worth seeing if it is salvagable. It will take a lot of work on both our parts, but it is a possibility.

I know I have spent this time working on me and getting my head straight and figuring out what went wrong. I know in the beginning that was his intention as well, but I went NC and don't know what kind of effort he really put into it.

 

Baby steps...

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well he didn't call me, despite my email clearly saying "Call me".

 

grrrrr..... He EMAILED me back! he wants to do it tomorrow night. Do I respond to the email??

WHY won't he call me?! He clearly wants to see me, but can't bring himself to call?

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hey cemlaw,

 

I noticed you are heading to see your ex. Please, act cool. Don't go with any expectations. Also, do no talk about the relationship. Be happy around him. Good luck and have fun hun. Keep us updated. Take care.

 

gee

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well I am home.

 

And it was good! We ate pizza, watched a movie, and I got to love on our 2 pets that now live with him. We laughed and talked and there was nothing heavy or uncomfortable. He was eager to talk to me and asked me questions and he grinned a lot. He isn't a "grinner"...

 

I went there just to hang out for a bit and catch up some more, so there weren't any bad or hard or icky feelings the whole time I was there.

 

As soon as the movie was over I collected my things, we smoked one more cigarette together, and I left. I hugged him as I got ready to leave and it was different than the one 3 weeks ago when we first met up for coffee after not seeing each other for a month. That went well too, but the goodbye hug was of the one-arm, quick variety. This time all 4 arms were involved and he didn't let go straight away. But I did. I didn't look at him as I went in or as I pulled away because I am not ready for any of that. It wasn't a sex-ay sex-ay or romantical hug, but it was.... different than the last. More familiar I guess.

I left on my own terms and with a smile on my face.

 

We didn't make any future plans, but all talk was of things to come... does that make sense? For example- he gave me one of my old laptops that he had rebuilt for me and talked about giving me another one he is currently rebuilding. He talked about me taking the dog for a walk sometime.

I do not think this was some glorious night on a path of reconciliation. It was a chance for us to hang out and see if we still enjoyed each other's company, and- we did. It was short and sweet. There was no pressure... no hard feelings... and no hard questions. I am not ready for any of that. And honestly? Knowing this man as well as I do, I still have no idea if he is or not. It is WAY too soon to even entertain those thoughts, on my end at least.

 

He emailed me most of the day and evening before we met up- just like old times. I am still worried about this as I don't want to just be his pal... but, this re-opening of the lines of communication is the first step to seeing if there is anything left to salvage.

 

My worry now is that I know I am walking a very fine line. I think I have behaved well and he has too... neither one is pushing anything or moving too quickly, but on the other hand, neither of us know what the other is thinking about all this. I can't jump the gun on that one, and the way I feel right now, I don't *THINK* I will.

I think my next step is do nothing. Am I right about this?

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I haven't heard from him since Friday... no biggie, he's been out of town until tonight.

I am just typing here because I am resisting the urge to email him or text (I'm not EVER tempted to call... so that's covered).

I wait for him to make next contact.... I wait for him to make next contact....

this is my current mantra!

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*sigh*

we just made another date- we've moved up from making plans via email to making them through text. woohoo.

 

After our nice Friday I didn't hear from him until today- which was totally fine. He started texting me after lunch and I just got the most recent one a few minutes ago. We made a dinner date (date?) for Wednesday night.

 

I'm still feeling all kinds of insecure about HOW we are doing this. I know I shouldn't be whining since we are actually in a much better place than we were a month ago... but I just wish HE'D CALL ME! Granted, he is a computer nerd, so even when we first started dating all those years ago, we sent A LOT of emails and texts- usually non stop during the work day... so, maybe I am just being an a$$?

 

I don't know, someone talk me down! Am I being stupid? I should be happy... why can't I just enjoy this?? Well, I AM enjoying the reconnection. I don't know what I am fussing about! I guess it is all a little scary and I am trying so hard to continue being patient and letting things unfold naturally- I know that is the only way any of this will be productive.

Again, I guess I am just scared/excited/a little confused all rolled into one!

 

Any words of encouragement/advice would be much appreciated I can't talk about any of this with my friends because they don't want to hear about it anymore. And a couple don't think I should even have anything to do with him... so this is really the only place I can vent....

 

And I'll shut up now!

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thanks DN... I needed that!

and yes, heart is guarded. I guess that's where the fear is coming from. It's still so new... only 3 real meet ups since 2 weeks after the break. (plus one that was unplanned)

 

I'm totally calm around him... maybe because I can freak out here first!

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We're meeting at a restaurant in an hour. I'm not nervous because I am PMS'ing and have just been irritable all day!

 

I haven't had to fake being happy and casual around him up to this point, because that is how I have been feeling. I will have to be quite the actress tonight to not be a pain in the butt!

 

Here is my current list of concerns (tell me if they are legit or I am just being a butthead!): he still isn't calling me. we are meeting at a restaurant and he isn't coming to get me. we used to meet at his house usually and drive together to a restaurant but I am not planning on going back to his house afterwards, so that wouldn't make sense... but he didn't even offer.

I'm being stupid.... right?

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I'm home and no one was injured!

 

It was good. I lost my grumpiness as soon as I sat down. We had lots to talk about and he looked cute again. I didn’t tell him this time. We talked and laughed and it was totally comfortable and casual. We really do LIKE each other. There have been days (weeks) where I forgot that.

 

But then… as I drove away from him… I just felt…. hollow. I almost cried. I don’t know. Maybe I’m not ready for this. Maybe I just need patience that I fiercely lack. I’m leaning towards I’m not ready. I thought I was. I enjoy being around him again and having communication with him again, but that hollow feeling was.not.good.

 

* * * is wrong with me? I’m going to babble now so feel free to change the channel… I don’t know if I just can’t do the casual thing (even though that is the only way to proceed at this point) or if I just really am not ready for all of this. I don’t know what he is thinking, but I am absolutely not ready to have that conversation with him. I keep thinking he has just friend-zoned me, but then he came out on a Saturday night after he had worked 10 hours and sat in a Waffle House until 3am with me a month ago. He wouldn’t have done that with me when we were still together. He asked me out for this dinner tonight. He thought I asked him for the pizza thing last week, but was all for it. Is this what guys do that you dated for 3 years, was semi-living with, when they “just wanna be friends” with you? I dunno. I’d say for him, no way, but his recent behavior shows I didn’t know him as well as I thought. He hasn’t told me I look good, or that he missed me, or really anything. Of course he didn’t do those things when we were still together either.

 

I know, I know… I am driving myself nuts and if I want to know I should ask him. But again, I just can’t do that yet. And I think it is way too soon for any kind of serious talk. Not time for any relationship talk. I don’t want to. That makes it heavy and hard and everything has been nice and calm and easy so far and I just don’t want all that drama sh*t back in my life. I know he doesn’t either.

 

Maybe I just need to disappear on him for a bit. Get my head together. Stop answering his emails and texts. But then what message does that send him? F@#$. I’m a doofus. I think I should just take a couple Tylenol PM and not think about this anymore.

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Cem,

If you want an outsider's impartial advice (and you likely do, since you're on here!) - your above post tells me you're NOT ready for this. I don't know all the background... I don't even know who broke up with whom... but it doesn't matter. If seeing him in the current context is twisting you up so bad, the bottom line is you're not ready.

 

Consider why we all advocate no contact. It's to avoid this EXACT kind of confusion and anguish that seeing an ex before you're ready causes.

 

I don't think you should stop replying to him cold turkey - I think you should be honest with him! Simply tell him that you're sorry but this is too hard for you right now, and despite the fact that you really do like spending time with him you need time to "get your head together." If he's truly your friend he'll understand.

 

Good luck.

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yeah I did NC for 2 months. We've been broken up since late November. I broke up with him, but because he cheated, I still feel like the dumpee and he's the dumper.

I'd (thought) I'd come so far in the months since the break up, but I guess not far enough.

 

When we are face to face, it's great. It's when I left him last night that it hurt.

We only started up LC maybe 3 weeks ago. Then we've had 2 dates since and resumed regular contact. Maybe I just need to calm down and continue being patient? It's too soon for me to be freaking out.

or yeah, I'm just not ready.

 

I'm not going to be his friend, and I have said that to him plainly since the night we broke up. Maybe he's as afraid to talk about all this as I am... or I am totally fooling myself.

 

For now, today anyway, I am going to step back and see what happens. I am going to try to relax. Things are so positive when we are together I don't won't to wreck any possibilities by being too eager or impatient.

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Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

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