Jump to content

trust issue with bf


emily2

Recommended Posts

Hey everyone, first time i've posted here, I would love any and all feedback

 

Been dating my bf for over a year and a half and I've gotten accustomed to the porn he watches, I used to have a problem but have now realized it can be natural for people. But, now he may be moving for work, approx 3 hours away. He was there for an interview these past few days and ...I snooped his email..which is bad I know, so I will probably get comments for that. but what I found in his email was a few that he had sent to Craigslist Personals, more specifically "casual encounters". He has looked at things like this before and I confronted him and he just says he is curious and would never do anything like that and that most of those girls are hookers.

I've had somewhat a lack of trust in him for other little things, hence why I snooped (yes i know, still wrong) so I guess I want to know what anyone would do in my situation? I don't have any proof that he has done anything and I am worried to bring it up for th fact that I snooped to get the info that I did..

 

Thanks for your advice/opinions

-em

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you are ok with him watching porn then thats your business. However if he is sending messages to an adult sex site for casual affairs then his intentions are to hookup with someone. If he was watching within your rules..then ok but emailing women on a sex site is wrong.

He is looking for sex..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would think his over enthusiasm for porn is stimulating him in a fantasy type way that he is looking to see if there are any real people out there that match his sexual fantasies which are of course are constantly stimulated by his porn.. Why do you think it is okay for him to watch porn regularly.. Why arent you doing it together.?? men that are single often do porn more frequently..when in a relationship usually it often simmers down considerably as it should or/and you start doing some porn together ....i would be concerned... he may be being honest about the craiglist thing..but then again did he tell you about it?? No you found it.......tread carefully and be more aware of what he is doing when your not about....although having said that not many men say i was watching porn tonight if they were asked....you know him best what is your gut telling you..listen to it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As Loulee says, listen to your instincts.

 

I think actually sending emails in the casual encounters area of Craigslist is a huge "wake-up". I can't seen anyone doing so unless they were either planning to have intimate email or phone chats or worse, in-person encounters.

 

His excuse is not valid at all. He was curious about what exactly?

 

Someone in a committed relationship would not behave this way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Top Bloke and Maya. I'm sorry that you are going through this. The porn and the casual encounters emails are not even in the same realm, though, and I'm not sure why you link them together. Most guys use porn - no big deal. The fact that you are concerned over telling him about snooping makes me think you are trying to rationalize the emails in the same way you did the porn and I think that is a mistake. You have been dating for a year and a half - hopefully by now you feel you can talk to him about this. Nothing good can come from you holding the information in. You snooped, which is wrong, but is always motivated by "something else wrong in the relationship," ie, lack of communication or other problems.

 

The fact that he is emailing about casual encounters really can only possibly mean two things. 1-he is soliciting sex online, or 2-he gets off on emailing about sex online with women he has stated are hookers. I am sorry to agree with Bloke, but I would bet money on (1). And even if it is that he gets off on the emails, I would not be at all OK with that. Some people might and no judgment, but think about how he would feel if you mistakenly sent him an email that you meant for a hot dude who you were setting up a "casual (sexual) encounter" with. It's a big violation unless you are in an open relationship. I'd talk to him about it and/or dump him. Probably both.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who answered

We have discussed it and realized that we have a lot to assess in our relationship, so that is where we stand for now

 

Thanks again for all your advice/opinions, it is much appreciated

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been in the same situation, ive been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and were very strong.

 

Recently his email account was logged onto my computer so i looked through them. I found similar, almost the same to what u found, however this email was sent when he was going through certain issues. He was very angry at me for looking at his emails, but told me he did what he did because he wanted to see if anyone else was interested, becasue he felt so insecure about himself. He said he wouldn't have done anything.

 

And i believe him. Talk to your boyfriend, ask him what was going through his head when he sent the email.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi emily2!

 

I can definitely relate to your situation.

 

My boyfriend used to work in another city during the week and come back on the weekends (we live together). I too was guilty of snooping. And found some stuff very similar to yours; he had been looking up escorts (in all the cities he had worked in) and even had one programmed on his phone with his choiceof "girls" picked out. When I confronted him about it, and it has been almost a year now and I am still not over it.

 

The porn doesn't bother me as much. It's purely voyeurism but reaching out for casual encounters constitutes as cheating to me.

 

I've been going through counselling and the resounding advice that was given was "just leave." If my family situation/dynamics were different, I would have left him when I first found out. I hope that you can discuss this issue with him and if it can't be resolved, save yourself a lot of heartache and move on. Take care of yourself first!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...