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Ex and I being friends? I told her no more for me. (long)


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Sorry this is a bit long but need to know if I am doing the right thing.

 

My ex and I have been broken up for about 2 months, after a very rocky on and off relationship of a year. She overall didnt treat me very well, was very manipulative and basically walked all over me, repeatedly. Always played games and generally destroyed my self confidence and self esteem over the past year. I am now just realizing how destructive she has been to my life. Trouble is that I love her deeply still but I know I cant be in a relationship with her and I am ok with that. We still work together so its hard.

 

After breaking up we decided to stay friends, we hung out a couple times with friends and just the 2 of us, and within 2 weeks she was already starting drama with me about going out with my friends and not inviting her (I politely told her that she was not my GF, i had no obligation to tell her anything and she was welcome to come if she wanted, she declined I said ok and left, later she got upset because she wanted to come but wanted me to invite her again.) She called me that night talking about how we arent going to be able to work together because its too hard etc. etc, Trying to get upset with me. It RUINED my night, I was in a * * * * ty mood all night, didnt have fun, wasnt good company for my friends. She called me the next morning and apologized and said it was hard we were now broken up and she slipped up. As always I accepted her apology and things were ok.

 

We hung out once the next week and had a great time, no awkward moments just a silly fun time, nothing romantic just really good friends.

 

Then last week Her, myself and a coworker went out for drinks after work. I was in a great mood, we were all having fun and then she just started to be generally mean (happens alot when she drinks, also impossible to talk or reason with her) We were talking about something trivial like music and she started raising her voice with me and just being irrational and having been down this road before seeing a fight in the midst I said good night im tired and left, shook my other coworkers hand goodnight and left as i left hearing her shout my name behind me.

 

5 minutes later calls me telling me how walking out on her like that was such a slap in the face, even though we are not together that was like a dagger in the heart. I told her my side of the story and she was saying she wasnt upset at all, wasnt yelling, wasnt putting me down when she obviously was. It just upset me even more that she could say she wasnt when it JUST happened. No resolution and I go to bed, feeling like crap again.

 

Next morning again she calls me and says she was so surprised i left, and sorry if she offended me somehow, are we ok? I told her this friendship wasnt working for me, and this has already happened twice in 2 weeks and it just wasnt positive on my life or happiness right now. She promptly removed me from facebook and is giving me silent treatment. When she doesnt get her way she always over reacts and normally I would cave and chase her but not this time. Am I right or being insensitive?

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Hi there....It might be best for awhile to try and avoid her as often as you can also after work don't go places with her or hang out...your break up is recent yes? It's going to take time to heal....it's too soon to be friends with your ex...even if you know it's over she may still have an attachment to you.

 

Your happiness and mental state should always come first and if that means not being friends with her until YOU feel strong enough to handle it or until she finds someone else.

 

You are broken up so don't let her play head games with you....time to take care of yourself and not worry about her anymore....you don't owe her any explanations or obligated to entertain her no longer.

 

Only if you feel like it since you work together and don't want any scene at the workplace, just politely tell her you need time and space so you won't be hanging out anymore....whatever you do don't allow her to get nutty at work...if you have to talk with her there then just about work only and if she starts initiating something else then tell her you have work to do and must go.

 

Best wishes to you

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