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Do I Continue?


everclear

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I was introduced to this really nice girl a couple of weeks ago by one of my best friends. She is his sister-in-law, he's been trying to set us up for ages - but I've always been a bit reluctant as I'm not a big fan of blind dates..

 

Anyway a few weeks ago I agreed to let him try and set us up. He gave me her number, and gave her mine. We arranged to go out clubbing as a group she was really nice and we got on well. We've texted each other nearly all day everyday flirting and joking about since we met.

 

Last weekend we arranged to meet up again at my friends house to watch a film, my friend wasn't there, just me her, her sister and cousin. We didn't talk a huge amount, just cuddled on the sofa most of the night - kissing when she dropped me off. When she got home she texted me saying that she really wanted me but she wasn't sure whether to make a move or not. I text back saying I wish she had, and said maybe we should go it again without the audience - she replied back with yeah sounds good when? I said that maybe she should come round mine sometime.. Bearing in mind this was around 3:30am so probably wasn't the best reply..

 

The next day we had arranged to all go out for lunch, she picked me up and we drove to meet my friend and his wife. We made small talk on the way to the restaurant - when we got there she was a bit distant with me and we didn't really end up talking a great deal. When we left, my friend and his wife offered to give me a lift home, as she was going to drop her cousin off so would be going in the opposite direction.

 

I got a text from her/her cousin thanking me for buying them launch. I replied thanking them. Later that evening I get a message from her saying sorry for being distant with me, but she wasn't 100% over her ex and that I deserved the truth as I was a really nice guy. I replied back saying thanks for being honest, and mentioned how hard it was for me to get over my ex.. saying that I was more than happy to take things slowly and said that I wasn't going to play her or mess her around.. To be honest I kinda took it as she was brushing me off. She send me a text the next morning saying that she didn't want to mess me around and thats why she told me about her ex and asked what happened with mine.. I replied letting her know what happened and she replied with 'oh okay, I thought I'd just ask'.

 

Later that day, she texted me telling me about her day. I replied back and we just texted back and forth asking about each others days and that.. Later that night I got a message saying that she had been feeling depressed and was going to stay off work until later on in the week. I got back to her asking if she was ok, and if she wanted to talk - I would always be there. She replied saying that yeah, she would but she had been feeling down all day for some reason, and an ex had texted her saying that he still loved her.. she also commented on how I had been quiet with her that day. I basically said I didn't know what happened between her and her ex, but she deserved so much more and that I meant what I said about being there if she wanted to talk.. this was getting into the early hours of the morning so didn't get back to me until around 7am... She basically told me everything that had happened in her love life.

 

Although we've been texting each other every day still, she seems quite distant and I'm finding it hard to make conversation with her. I did speak to my friend, and he told me he knows she really likes me but is scared of rushing into anything and getting hurt again. I'm not really sure what to do, I've found myself backing away from flirting and joking about with her now. I'm a patent guy and I'm not going to run away at the first sign of a problem. However I'm not quite sure how to approach this now.. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do?

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"I'll always be there?" sounds like you just friend zoned yourself. You guys JUST MET and she's coming to you when she's depressed and wants to vent about her ex? psssshhhh.

 

I don't see a relationship in the cards. I think she's kinda strange, but if you want a new friend, keep talking to her. If not, cut her off.

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Try telling her that you think she's great and would love to go out on dates with her and see what develops but as she is still hung up over her ex the timing is obviously not right. Tell her that if she is interested in going out with you once she is over him then to let you know and you can catch up then. If she wants to chat every now and then then by all means give you a call.

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Try telling her that you think she's great and would love to go out on dates with her and see what develops but as she is still hung up over her ex the timing is obviously not right. Tell her that if she is interested in going out with you once she is over him then to let you know and you can catch up then. If she wants to chat every now and then then by all means give you a call.

 

I agree. Dating should happen between two people with free hearts and free minds and she doesnt have a free heart or mind.

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I don't believe in these flimsy excuses like 'I'm confused', 'I dont want to get hurt', blah blah blah. In my own experiences people say these things when they lose attraction for someone and are trying to blow him off without hurting his feelings. You didn't advance things physically when she gave you a chance and you are acting clingy/too understanding at the moment. These are all attraction killers. Step back a bit and stop trying to be her therapist. Don't waste opportunities to get physical with a woman. It makes her uncomfortable and she will wonder if you find her attractive.

Take the lead if you want her.

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i agree with Altruist...thats usually what i do when i don't want to talk to a guy anymore but usually i end up being straight up with them especially when were always texting its easier to just be honest but i think she wouldn't respond to every text if there wasn't n e thing there but then again you never know...i think you should just be like listen i like you and if you don't see anything in the future or if you don't have feeling towards me let me know because its not fair if your just playing it off with me...and its true when they say nice guys finish last so dont be so nice to her all the time...and dont always be available to her make her a little jealous see if she shows interest...have someone call you every time u guys hang out and always take the calls and dont tell them who it was make it seem like you have girls calling you and stuff it works...

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Scorpion Fury You are right, I felt like I'm going down that friendship route as well, which I don't really want.

 

The getting hurt part wasn't from her, this is what she told my friend before we had even met.. The problem she has had in the past is shes rushed into a relationship, then been cheated on or abused..

 

I get what everyone is saying though, I think I'm going to have to be straight with her. At the moment I don't really know where I stand - I don't mind taking things slowly, but I don't want to just be a shoulder to cry on..

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Someone who's still hung up on an ex is not relationship material--especially when they're still in contact with the ex. I'd politely tell her she's welcome to ring you in a few months if she's over her ex by then. It gets you off the hook so your friend won't blame you, and it gets you out of being used as a rebounder by someone who's just not into dating yet.

 

If you continue on this course, you'll never stop wondering where she stands with you--and that's messy kid stuff. If you're clear that you deserve better than that private hell, don't demo for a second that you'll settle for it in any shape or form.

 

BTW--your friends are too pushy for anyone's good.

 

In your corner.

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BTW--your friends are too pushy for anyone's good.

 

You're telling me!

 

No he just knows us both really well. My friend not going to be annoyed he is just trying to help us out, he knows we are both looking for the same thing. If he'd known she was still hung up on her ex, he wouldn't have tried setting us up..

 

I've decided that I'm going to call things off with her until she knows what she wants. I think if I carry on the way I am just going to end up down that friendship route or worse by annoying her trying to push something thats not there.. I'll let her know that she is more than welcome to keep in touch and if she wants to pick things up later on we can do..

 

Now has anyone got any suggestions on an open ended break up

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[...] Now has anyone got any suggestions on an open ended break up

 

Two important things: first, don't invite contact while she's still mid-breakup or whatever-the-hell she's doing, and second, don't give the impression that you're waiting around for her to finish her business.

 

I'd be kind but firm about my own need to stay away from someone else's relationship--period. I'd tell her she's welcome to phone in a few months, but only if she's completely over the ex. I'd say, "If I'm still available, we can meet for coffee and catch up."

 

In your corner.

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How does something like this sound?

 

---

 

******, you know I think you're a really great girl, but as you're clearly not over your ex, its not fair for me to think something more is going to happen at the moment. So I want to give you some space. Look, if you want to go out some time in the future when you've got things sorted out I'd love to hear from you.

 

---

 

I'm bound to speak to her again as shes my best friend's sister-in-law, so i want to keep things pretty light.

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5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

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