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my feelings at this moment

Feeling like a failure, mum? This i...
Feeling like a failure, mum? This is what you need to hear

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i fell very ill today.. it gave me many thoughts.. i felt cold when i was shivering.. not the physical cold.. but emotionally.. i was on bed the whole day today.. how i wished there was someone here with me.. maybe there is a void in my heart that needs some filling in.. maybe man are not made to be alone.. i do not know.. all i know is.. i miss having someone.. someone who will be there when i need her.. someone who will encourage me when i am discourage.. someone who will give me a towel when i needed it... i know some of you will start to tell me things like i need to be independent and love myself all those stuff... i thank you.. i know those things and i am.. but i dont need them.. not today.. if you cant see through my writings.. i am telling you my feelings.. just as this forum is titled.. i missed being loved and having a special someone around.. i miss having someone to share my joy and my pain with.. i miss a lot of things.. most probably i missed her.. i dont know if i can forget her.. i have been trying.. i dont know if i can find someone else.. someone who can make me feel the way i do for her.. they say hope defers makes the heart sick.. without hope.. a man will perish... i know tomorrow when i wake up, when i recover from this virus.. i will feel lots better.. but when will heart heal? when will my heart be healed? sometimes i asked god why must i go through this.. some people answered "so you can learn from these and be a better person".. as logical as it sounds.. it probably didnt make me a better person.. but bring out the worst in me... i have never seen myself this pathetic... i despise me.. yes.. this flu is messing with my mind as well... i better sign off here... tata...

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