jerseygirl23 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Hi all. I am currently in a really weird situation and am not sure of what to do. I know I probably should just let it go, but I can't...let me start at the beginning. About 8 months ago I went to Ireland with some friends. We went on a tour and I fell for my tour guide. The feelings were mutual and he was the one that opened the lines of communication, sending me emails, giving me his number, etc. When I went home, we continued talking almost every day...although there would be lulls when he wouldn't contact me for about a week at a time. I just figured that was the way he was and I wouldn't push him. We shared a lot during our conversations, and got closer and closer. I felt like I could tell him anything and we had so much in common. It's not often I find someone I click with like I did with him. Maybe that's why this is so hard for me... Anyway, soon our conversations, text messages and emails became a daily ritual that we both looked forward to. My heart would skip a beat every time I heard from him. We decided that we needed to see each other, and he booked a flight to come visit. He would have visited much sooner, but had already had a 2 month long trip planned with a friend. During his time away, he emailed me very long messages every single day. He went to great lengths to show that he really cared about me. When he came back from his trip there was about a month left before he was to come here. He used that time to work and be with his family. So, a few weeks ago he finally came. I was worried that the physical element wouldn't be there, but it definitely was. Everything was amazing during the beginning of his trip, but slowly things began to change. He blamed it on the fact that he was sick, but I'm not sure if that was the whole truth. One night I decided to lay everything on the table. I told him how much I cared for him and he said the same. I told him I'd do anything for him. I told him I wanted to be with him. He said he wanted to try and make things work and definitely wants to keep seeing me. However, when he left, he was still in that weird funky mood. He got home, texted me that he had landed safely and it was great to see me and hopes we see each other again very soon. And then he fell off the planet. I've written him a long email about how I feel and asking him to just be honest with me and tell me what he is thinking and feeling. That was over a week ago and I know he's read it. I am thinking the worst. I'm thinking he doesn't want to be with me and is just trying to ignore me so that he can avoid having a conversation about it. But, another part of me is just hoping that he's just scared of the distance, but really does love me. I just don't know what to do anymore and I'm at a loss. I don't want to keep contacting him and bugging him, but I'm completely in love and can't give up without knowing for sure that he wants to end things. Does anyone have any advice? It would mean so much. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreedomRing Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Welcome, I think more details are needed about HOW he started to change... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown1607307972 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 God I hate it when people do this why can't they just be honest about what they want? It at least leaves people clear on where they stand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerseygirl23 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 Welcome, I think more details are needed about HOW he started to change... OK, well...when we had about 2 days left, he got sick. He became much more reserved, didn't want me touching him, etc. He told me it was just the way guys are when they're sick and when I tried to take care of him, he wasn't having it. He told me I had to tell him to "man up!" and such. The second to last night he was here, he didn't even hold me in bed. I asked if he would at least cuddle and he said "not tonight." Then our last full day together I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone for a bit and he said yeah so I went home (he was staying at a hotel down the street since I live with my parents) and went back a few hours later. He just was a lot more quiet, not as touchy feely, etc. Whenever I went to kiss him he said "you're going to get sick too" and I said I didn't care, I just wanted to be with him. Our last night together, he would at least cuddle with me and he made that move. On the day he left I was trying to think of a good way to bring up seeing him again. At breakfast I had tears in my eyes because I just felt like something wasn't right. I said "i'm going to see you again, right?" and he said of course. The ride to the airport wasn't very talkative (granted, he's not a very talkative person to begin with). I saw him off and we kissed goodbye and that was it. I guess in general he just seemed to not be as interested, which confuses me so much after all of the things he said. That he's crazy about me, wants to see me, etc. Reading this, I'm sure people will say that it seems like "he's just not that into you." But...then why act like we're in a LDR for seven months, fly all the way here, feel a definite connection, and then just become a jerk? I don't get it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreedomRing Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I see 2 possible scenarios going on here: 1) Perhaps this behavior is really how he acts when he is feeling sick. Wanting to be alone, and not be touched. The 'man up' comment is a bit strange, but maybe how he was raised/where he's from, he's been conditioned not to look weak, much less in front of a gf? I don't know..but it's possible 2) Maybe his feelings wore off or have lessened for you...sorry..but I really see it coming down to this. Whats the recent contact consisted of? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerseygirl23 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 i wrote him a heartfelt email over a week ago...haven't heard back. did a quick text last thursday to say hi and say i missed hearing from him. got a really short one back that didn't sound like him at all. i guess i'm just in denial...but i thought everything was going so well. we both admitted how comfortable we felt with each other and how we never felt like that before. he would constantly tell me how attracted he was to me. it just hurts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreedomRing Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Yeah, i'm sorry it seems like its more of option 2. There may be someone else in the pic... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerseygirl23 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 Yeah, i'm sorry it seems like its more of option 2. There may be someone else in the pic... So my question is, should I confront him or just give in to the fact that I may never hear from him again? It's just hard for me to let go and move on without any sort of closure... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrizzistine Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I'd wait for him to contact you again. In the meantime, think about how his change in behaviour is making you feel. Is all this stress and worrying worth it? If you contact him again, it might push him further away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerseygirl23 Posted January 29, 2009 Author Share Posted January 29, 2009 I'd wait for him to contact you again. In the meantime, think about how his change in behaviour is making you feel. Is all this stress and worrying worth it? If you contact him again, it might push him further away. That's actually very helpful. No, it's definitely not worth it. But, I just keep going over in my head what I did wrong. And then I worry that I'll never find another person who I have such a deep connection with. I know it sounds crazy, but it's so seldom that I feel this deeply about someone. It's just not fair for me. And I just keep thinking "Well, if he's doing this, then he's not the person you thought he was. He's not a nice person." And that helps. My poor little heart is just a mess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrizzistine Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 I don't think you did anything wrong. You got a weird vibe from him and are now doubting things. You said before that there are sometime lulls and he takes time to write back. He's maybe just busy or something has happened in his life (e.g. stress with job, family issues, who knows..) He wrote back to your text message so he's not totally avoiding you. To have a LDR with you for 8 months and to come visit you, he clearly cares for you. If the way he feels about you has changed, it's his responsibility to tell you. Don't force him by confronting him and pulling it out of him. I'd be patient and wait and see...Try to keep yourself occupied with other things...Let him come to you and from there you can decide what to do. PS: I know its hard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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