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I still want to know...


Stinkweed

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... what to do. Please I feel like I've made SOME progress (dunno what type of progress... these girls have all been liars so I don't really know where I failed. Only thing I know I did "wrong" is that I am shy. Well when they said "yes" to going out and gave me their number after I asked them all stumbling all over myself, I thought they understood). So, please just tell me where to go from here... I guess I can work on being less shy. You're going to say "just talk to as many girls as you can" but how do you talk to someone you don't want to talk to? I had hard time talking to the ones I WANTED to talk to and the ones I don't wanna talk to are easy to talk... So I don't know anymore. This really sucks, and since this isn't prime time I probably won't get a lot of responses... But please if you know just tell me. I'm just about to give up.

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whoa stink, slow down man. yes, work on being less shy. you definitely need that turned around. and again, you cannot explain why the few girls you met turned out the way they did. who cares? blow them off as you should. you tried and that's all that matters. and why would you want to talk to girls you don't want to talk to? waste of time. i wouldn't do it.

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Make friends with the women you don't want to talk to so it will be easy. Then eventually you may actually like one of them and your problem is solved!

 

I have a hard time making friends too... I have a few only. Even most of the people they introduce me to I can't help but be defensive towards cause I get such a bad vibe from them...

 

and why would you want to talk to girls you don't want to talk to? waste of time. i wouldn't do it.

 

Exactly... so this is my problem with talking to "any girl." Even if she's a pretty face it doesn't make me want to go talk to her. Few girls have this element of confidence and just overall happiness that I can see, and maybe it's something else too... I dunno man. I do want to work on this cause I've done it in the last 3 months more than I've ever done it in my entire college life... I used to buy that load of old BS that just "doing what you like and being happy with your life and the girl will come blah blah." So I assumed maybe that mythical girl would pop up and she'd be understanding of the fact that I kinda tense up when I do these things that I've never done before or just don't do often (going out on dates I've never done, asking for numbers i don't do often, etc..). I mean, how do you suggest I do this, please...

 

I'm told college campus, even mine... everybody in my school seems so busy and they just look so stupidly unhappy. I could just try... But the ones I'm not genuinely interested on will assume I'm hitting on them (they always do... I distinctly remember this girl from last semester... SHE asked me my name and where I'm from... So I just started talking to her... asking her out was VERY far from being in my mind, yet she then talks about her boyfriend, which I didn't mind. But then the next day on she started to blatantly ignore me...). You'd think they'd be "flattered" and I don't think I'm even a bad-looking guy at all, lol. But instead they act like "how dare you?" *stinkeye* *stinkeye*

 

Tell me what YOU'D do man. There are some good-looking girls on campus. Maybe I should just talk to them cause they've got a pretty face like most other guys would?

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i'm in college myself man. i try and talk to girls i find attractive. i never assume they would think that i would tense up. no girl is going to really be understanding to that. don't pry at anything with girls that have bfs.

 

Well I mean, I meant that they would understand my predicament... Now I know they won't and that I ABSOLUTELY have to get past my shyness or I will never even go out on a date let alone be in a relationship. I don't know which ones have bf's. That one I mentioned I wasn't even interested in, lol. She still assumed I was trying to pry at her is what I'm saying... I'd NEVER even look at a girl I've seen (recently) holding hands *kissy* *kissy* with a guy. Not an option for me even if she's so pretty. I guess I'll just try to talk to any girl that I think is good-looking?

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Well I mean, I meant that they would understand my predicament... Now I know they won't and that I ABSOLUTELY have to get past my shyness or I will never even go out on a date let alone be in a relationship. I don't know which ones have bf's. That one I mentioned I wasn't even interested in, lol. She still assumed I was trying to pry at her is what I'm saying... I'd NEVER even look at a girl I've seen (recently) holding hands *kissy* *kissy* with a guy. Not an option for me even if she's so pretty. I guess I'll just try to talk to any girl that I think is good-looking?

 

you don't know they have bfs until you try. and yes, try and talk to all attractive girls. if you see one walking 100 ft away, don't go running over. that's ridiculous. but if you see some in passing, just practice saying hi and give a smile.

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I have to disagree with you a bit Ghost. When it comes to talking to girls you have no interest in. I am not talking making friends but just getting into the habit of talking to everyone. Friends would be good too tho. Keep in mind friend’s have other friends... OP, talk to everyone you can!! You're shy right? Well get into the habit of just smiling and saying hello to people. Ask them how their day is going. Joke around with them a bit. These things well begin to come natural. You want to project yourself and an outgoing, friendly, genuine guy. Who doesn’t want to be around someone like that?

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I have to disagree with you a bit Ghost. When it comes to talking to girls you have no interest in. I am not talking making friends but just getting into the habit of talking to everyone. Friends would be good too tho. Keep in mind friend’s have other friends... OP, talk to everyone you can!! You're shy right? Well get into the habit of just smiling and saying hello to people. Ask them how their day is going. Joke around with them a bit. These things well begin to come natural. You want to project yourself and an outgoing, friendly, genuine guy. Who doesn’t want to be around someone like that?

 

whoa whoa. i never said don't talk to girls you are not interested in at all. in hopes of getting a date, do not do it for that reason. sure they have friends. all girls do pretty much. but i wouldn't try talking to girls you are uninterested in to get to know them to take them out. a pitfall to that is you could give off a random signal to a girl you find unattractive. she could be thinking 'this guy just started talking to me and is flirting with me.' there is that potential. i say hi and talk to everyone. but i'm 100% comfortable around everyone.

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whoa whoa. i never said don't talk to girls you are not interested in at all. in hopes of getting a date, do not do it for that reason. sure they have friends. all girls do pretty much. but i wouldn't try talking to girls you are uninterested in to get to know them to take them out.

 

Oh my bad Ghost, I was going to say, I have read some of your posts and that didn't sound like advice you would give.=p

 

To the OP, just get out there man. Force yourself to talk to these women.

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no biggie dubb. just wanted to clarify.

 

 

i want some progress stink. i give you two weeks to talk to two potential attractive females.

 

I'm with you on that. Just remember man, a simple, "how is your day going? You looked nice so I wanted to say hello..." Will go a long way.

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Alright, I'll try that... But I mean "you looked nice..." saying that would make me feel like such a weirdo... But I figure if I do that with as many girls as possible, at least a couple will reply positively, right? My best friend told me to try it too... Just go up to a pretty girl, even if she's not exactly what I look for, and ask her what her department is, etc. In two weeks? I hope I can get one by the end of this week. I'd be pretty stoked already.

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i'm in college myself man. i try and talk to girls i find attractive. i never assume they would think that i would tense up. no girl is going to really be understanding to that. don't pry at anything with girls that have bfs.

 

Good advice and I agree about not flirting with girls you're not even interested in. Not even for "practise" in talking to girls. I think it would be better you make more girl friends. So you get better with being less nervous.

 

You seem to be putting a whole lot of pressure on yourself.

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Good advice and I agree about not flirting with girls you're not even interested in. Not even for "practise" in talking to girls. I think it would be better you make more girl friends. So you get better with being less nervous.

 

You seem to be putting a whole lot of pressure on yourself.

 

I guess man... I just think I'm not a bad-looking guy. I like to have fun, and I like being funny. If I weren't so socially retarded I'd be who I've always wanted to be... I'm just sick of it. Feeling so powerless when it comes to dating. Even if I succeeded at getting numbers I'd still be pretty powerless cause the girl decides whether to call back... But if I had 100 numbers chances are there's gonna be another girl who WILL call back when the previous one didn't.

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Oh being social or not has nothing to do with it. It's just how you present yourself and if you click or not.

Be yourself though, I know it sounds lame, but don't try and act like this super social guy when you're not. JUst embrace it.

I'm a girl and pretty socially retarded too heh.. Still doesn't stop me from flirting or attracting people.

 

You're right about the girls deciding to call back or not. But you gotta maybe not be pushy or expect a call so soon. Maybe try giving your number after you've spoken a few times?

I'm one who'll usually never call a guy whose number I just got even if he's cute. I tend to get really really into the ones I speak to a few times, and then wait to ask me out. It's like building anticipation and wondering "man, is he interested or not? will he ask me out?" Show your interest too soon and the girl feels like there was no chase for her either..

 

 

I'm not saying play games and all. Just talk to girls like Ghost said. And after a while slowly get more and more flirty (not compliments wise, more like eye contact, smiling, and being your funny self). And if you don't get the date, so what? Their loss and there's plenty more honey's out there for ya.

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Yeah I dunno about that... I don't just charge in and ask out a girl I've only talked to for 5 mins. But, I mean... I dunno. I'm not a smooth person. I rarely feel genuine interest that compels me to do whatever it takes (even if it's embarrassing cause of my un-smoothness and shyness) to ask that girl out. I dunno. I've always wanted to be that guy who doesn't see a barrier and can talk to anybody anyway. Ever since high school...

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You can do that.. I've seen my young guy friends bang their heads against walls asking me "how do I get a date?" (they're 16-18).

Now they tell me "man, I never knew it could be this easy. I just don't give a darn and the girls seem to be all over me." All be it, the girls aren't really interested in anything serious, or aren't "good" relationship material, but being teenage boys my friends couldn't care.

 

They seem to meet alot of girls when they go out though. Parties and clubs have somehow boosted their confidence and made them not care so much about the failed attempts. I take it you don't really like the clubs and bars?

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You can do that.. I've seen my young guy friends bang their heads against walls asking me "how do I get a date?" (they're 16-18).

Now they tell me "man, I never knew it could be this easy. I just don't give a darn and the girls seem to be all over me." All be it, the girls aren't really interested in anything serious, or aren't "good" relationship material, but being teenage boys my friends couldn't care.

 

They seem to meet alot of girls when they go out though. Parties and clubs have somehow boosted their confidence and made them not care so much about the failed attempts. I take it you don't really like the clubs and bars?

 

I don't... I've been to bars strictly to see bands play a show. Not to get drunk or meet people. I wouldn't go out to a house party-show (I've been to several of those. I always socialize but I wouldn't meet anybody there... most people I see at those are not good news in my opinion), bar or club to meet people.

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I don't... I've been to bars strictly to see bands play a show. Not to get drunk or meet people. I wouldn't go out to a house party-show (I've been to several of those. I always socialize but I wouldn't meet anybody there... most people I see at those are not good news in my opinion), bar or club to meet people.

 

you don't have to get drunk. it's a social gathering and you meet people.

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you don't have to get drunk. it's a social gathering and you meet people.

 

Well I know not everybody gets drunk. But I mean it's the reason people are there for, or the type of people that are there, or their intentions... Neither of those things that I like. I mean, I dunno... not even my friends who're older than me go to bars to meet girls. Sometimes they meet other guys (i.e. a friend of mine met this filmmaker from NY who had a small party where one of our favorite bands would play. So we went and watched the films and watched the band play. It was pretty cool), and I can only remember once when that same friend of mine (he frequents bars a lot) met a girl, but they had a one-night stand and nothing else. I'm not trying to generalize... Maybe there are good people there, but I just think due to the nature of the place, it's gonna be harder than in school, for example. I dunno... Maybe it's worth a try. A couple of days ago I was to a bar with some friends and we stayed there for like 10 minutes had a pitcher and left, but I saw so many pretty girls... The great majority looked older than me, but, I guess that shouldn't matter too much either, right?

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you analyze waaaaaaay too much. and getting drunk is not the only reason people go to bars. i go to just have a good time with friends. i hope that girls will be there of course.

 

I'm not analyzing, really. Just describing my friend's experience (and I have other friends who also go to bars, just not as often, and they've never met girls there either). I mean, next time, I guess, then. And, you just try to approach her like you would any random girl in school? I mean "you looked nice..." that type of stuff?

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I'm not analyzing, really. Just describing my friend's experience (and I have other friends who also go to bars, just not as often, and they've never met girls there either). I mean, next time, I guess, then. And, you just try to approach her like you would any random girl in school? I mean "you looked nice..." that type of stuff?

 

this isn't analyzing too much?

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this isn't analyzing too much?

 

Not really. Not TOO much I think... I don't that large a group of friends, and I dunno... I'm just trying to think of a mindset... I could walk up to a random girl and say something random "nice scarf" and that would just get either a weird look or a "thanks" and I just wish I'd know how to "proceed" if I get that thanks, for example, right? I dunno.

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