gary1958 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Was wondering if anyone had ever been in a relationship with someone that had abandonment issues and what there experiences were? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandrawg Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 My exh had serious abandonment issues, because his mother left the family and took 2 of his siblings, when he was 5. This played out in many ways. In the beginning, he would get very upset if I walked away from an argument. We went to therapy briefly, and the therapist made me realize I was triggering his issues when I did that. Much later, I became very ill. He felt emotionally abandoned by me, and ended up abandoning ME, ironically enough. Now *I* have abandonment issues, which play out in me feeling threatened by minor things, like my so flirting with other girls...or feeling needy or clingy, wanting a lot of contact with the other person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratsy Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I have abandonment issues, it makes me paranoid. I haven't seen what it does for others...hard for me to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gary1958 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 How do you react in a relationship...Is any perceived slight cause to make you want to run Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
circi Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 How do you react in a relationship...Is any perceived slight cause to make you want to run I have major abandonment issues. Any perceived slight doesn't make me want to run so much as it convinces me they are about to run. Like the song goes...even the man in the moon disappears, somewhere in the stratosphere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travelin99 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Abandonment proved to be the ultimate downfall of my relationship. My ex's father abandoned the family when she was five and moved to another country, and she has struggled with it for over 20 years now. We were together for seven years, and she always thought I was just going to break up with her or leave her for someone else, etc. If I would go out of town for a few days or so, she would assume I was never coming back. It didn't help when I went abroad to pursue a one-year grad program in 2007. She couldn't handle the abscense of my physical presense, even though she knew I wanted to keep this relationship alive. We talked several times a day, E-Mailed all the time, but me being gone stirred up the old emotions she had when her father lef, and she broke up with me while I was on the other side of the globe. I immediately dropped everything and came home to her. We got back together but things were just never the same. She would constantly say things like "she has to forgive me for leaving" and she "hopes she'll be able to forgive me one day." She finally broke things off and says "she's scared I'll leave her again." It didn't help the situation that her mother would constantly tell her "anyone who leaves the country doesn't love you." It all seems a bit ridiculous to me, but I've never been abandoned. It's a terrible thing because I loved this girl and wanted a life with her, but her fear of abandonment cost us a future as far as I'm concerned. All I can do is pray she'll work on confronting these issues so she doesn't continue to sabotage her future relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gary1958 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 Well I was with someone who reacted with anger and rage at any perceived slight. Would often times run out of the house in panic mode over something two rational people would be able to talk through. Phone calls all day and emails. Upset if I wanted to take art classes at night or go out with the boys for an evening. Even chatting on the phone with my sons mother over parenting issues would be cause for her to say "Why don't you just go back to her" Now she had an awful childhood. Given to her aunt by her mother or taken from her mother by her aunt at 2 years old. Was told by her aunt and uncle she was actually not here real child but there neice at 14 years old. Never new her father but did try to reconnect with him at 21 yrs old at his insistence. But when the time arrived she showed up and he didnt. So she left my life one night in panic mode over a small stressor and into the arms of another guy. I too loved her with all of my heart and would have spent my life with her. I can see her repeating this cycle with everyone from the things i witnessed while with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purpleduckie Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 sounds awful. i have abandonment issues, but i dont do anything crazy (or so i think!). i don't let people get close but once i do, it's hard for me to let them go. i'm really scared of having people leave me so i'd rather leave them. it's either that or i hold onto their leg and never let them go, no matter what, no matter how badly they treat me. but in turn, i also do the abandoning. i can't stand being smoothered and if someone clings onto me, i freak OUT and try to push them away. it is seriously unsettling to have someone cling onto me... but at the same time, i feel abandonned alot if they don't cling onto me and i look for signs that they dont want me/want to leave me. oooh the catch 22. guess that is a bit crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasper01 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Most people have abandonment issues. Whether it ends up that a person becomes a runner or a clinger in response is more complicated and unique to each person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandrawg Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I don't necessarily agree. My parents were both there for me when I was a child. I had no serious abandonment issues until my husband left me while I was in the hospital, near death. I think if someone has a healthy childhood, abandonment issues are rare. Most people have abandonment issues. Whether it ends up that a person becomes a runner or a clinger in response is more complicated and unique to each person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
makena Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I have fear of abandonment and rejection issues that I am learning to deal with. It has to do with my parents divorce and feeling like I wasn't good enough as a child. I have a tendency of fighting and then, just when I feel like I am going to get hurt or when I am getting angry, I will tell them to leave or that I want to end things. I guess my anger was out of fear. I would get jealous very easily, have trust issues, become needy and constantly needed to be reassured that I was the love of their life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandrawg Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Sounds like me!!! I have fear of abandonment and rejection issues that I am learning to deal with. It has to do with my parents divorce and feeling like I wasn't good enough as a child. I have a tendency of fighting and then, just when I feel like I am going to get hurt or when I am getting angry, I will tell them to leave or that I want to end things. I guess my anger was out of fear. I would get jealous very easily, have trust issues, become needy and constantly needed to be reassured that I was the love of their life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gundr1kr Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 I have fear of abandonment and rejection issues that I am learning to deal with. It has to do with my parents divorce and feeling like I wasn't good enough as a child. I have a tendency of fighting and then, just when I feel like I am going to get hurt or when I am getting angry, I will tell them to leave or that I want to end things. I guess my anger was out of fear. I would get jealous very easily, have trust issues, become needy and constantly needed to be reassured that I was the love of their life. Unfortunately, me too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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