csedwards4 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I am in a little dilemma. In 2005 august I moved overseas for some guy I met on the internet in London. I was 23 I packed my stuff and left Australia. Meanwhile my parents were going through the process of a messy divorce. I was physically abused as a child and went to school with black eyes. I got my hair pulled as I was dragged accross the floor when I was 12 years old. I wasn’t a bad kid I was just the oldest and sometimes my parents spoilt me or mum took out her frustration on me when I was young because dad was on her case all the time. Anyway back to London, I got married in 2006 and in 2007 august I found out he was cheating on me. So I moved back to Australia, in with my family and my sister hated the fact that I was back, mum had left and it was me my dad and my sister. Anyway I moved states and it didn’t work out financially and I was diagnosed with severe depression. I moved back found a job, a new boyfriend and things are going good. Only problem is at the moment is that I am living with my 80 year old Serbian grandpa and my 47 year old aunty all in a tiny house. Of course I obey his rules. My boyfriend never comes over and I never have my friends over. He looks through all of my stuff and goes into my room and helps himself. I really want to move out I am 28 years old and financially I cant do it . I have a big debt from London which is nearly paid off. My dad has a brand new house with a free bedroom but my sister doesn’t think much of me due to the fact that I have been difficult in the past and have caused a little grief in the family due to my ways back in the past. She threatened that if I move in then she will move out shes 22 and studying. I also approached my mother to rent with me and my dad freaked out and said if I move in with her he wont speak to me again. I also cannot afford to rent on my own. I am going crazy. I told my dad about finding a place and renting with a stranger and he freaked out said I should pay off my debt first and dont even think about wasting my money on rent. I am going to work tired and stressed out due to the fact its 44 temperatures here in Australia and its very hot and we don’t have airconditioning. My sister will not reason with me at all and I don’t know what to do. I feel so trapped. Advice. Link to comment
alli Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 It's not your sister's decision. Does your dad WANT you to live with him? Your decision should be based on what is ok with him, NOT what is ok with your sister. You can apologize to your sis for whatever grief you have caused her & all you are trying to do is get your life straight, your debt paid & a little bit of privacy in your own room. You do not want to cause her a problem but this is the best solution for you, right now. If she doesn't like it.. TDB. Heck, maybe you guys can get along if you both give it a chance. Link to comment
csedwards4 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 yes my dad does want me to move in. he said it breaks his heart to have us apart and that he is embaressed that we have ended up this way. My sister wont give me a chance to change. She said I havent changed in 10 years and I never will. Link to comment
alli Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 yes my dad does want me to move in. he said it breaks his heart to have us apart and that he is embaressed that we have ended up this way. My sister wont give me a chance to change. She said I havent changed in 10 years and I never will. And she is going to stop you from moving in how? She says she will move out. I wonder if she really will when the day comes. Where exactly does she think she's going? Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 It should be your decision, not your sister's and not your dad's. If it was your mom that abused you, do you really think it would be healthy for you to rent with her? Link to comment
csedwards4 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 My mum isnt stable at all. AT ALL but seriously my grandfather is driving me insane. He goes through all my stuff gathers all my reciepts and reads through them. Granted he helped me alot when I was young with my mother and stuff but I really need to get MY LIFE in order. It just worries me because my aunty is 47 years old and lives in the same room she was in when she was little and never married. She has a TON of money in the bank but does have a life and is babied by her father. Granted again thats there life but I really need to get mine in order. I am clutching straws here at the moment. People at work have noticed how stressed out I am also. Link to comment
csedwards4 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 And she is going to stop you from moving in how? She says she will move out. I wonder if she really will when the day comes. Where exactly does she think she's going? Who knows, my aunty and her ( the one that I live with ) are VERY close almost like a second mother. I am sure that my aunty will have a word to my dad and convince him not to let me move in. Thats what im worried about. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Don't say anything to your aunt until the wheels are already in motion...a couple of days before the move. It's tough luck for your sister if she doesn't want you there, you have just as much right to live with your father as she does...and your father wants you there. It sounds like the best option for you for now. If your sister gives you a hard time, take the high road and be the better person. Tell her something like you're sorry she feels that way about you and that you love her very much and don't get drawn into anything with her...just keep repeating that or something along those lines. Before long she'll realize she has nothing to complain about and will stop. She may resent you for leaving her with your mom....I wonder if the abuse got transfered to her after you left. Link to comment
csedwards4 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 no the abuse didnt get transferred. Mum had left shortly i left to go to London and she knew the damage she had done to me and didnt want to risk loosing my sister. She does hate the fact that she gets caught between dad and mums arguments and often has called me hysterical wanting help. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 It's not her decision if it's OK for you to move there. It is her decision if she chooses to stay or not, no one is forcing her to leave if you move in. That's all on her. She is living for free (I'm assuming) in your father's home and has no right to dictate who else can live there. As long as you're father supports it and is aware of her threats, I say do what's right for you and move in. While the abuse was not transferred to her, she may resent the fact that you got away from the whole mess while she feels stuck in the middle. That's something you guys will need to work through together if she's willing. Link to comment
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