Jump to content

Meeting the ex..she sent me a package


spion_kop

Recommended Posts

So i went on my trip in december due to family commitments but i had a wonderful time. The best part about the entire trip was that it assured me that i was over my ex and i had finally 100% put myself first.

 

Now, this past friday i get a package in the mail and guess who? That's right, it's from the ex. At first i thought she was returning my stuff but i was kind of puzzled because it's long overdue. But regardless i opened it and there it was. She sent me an early birthday present that's very sentimental to me. Right then and there i cursed out loud and my family members heard me. It was quite funny because i was thinking "here we go again." But something different happened.

 

I wasnt sad or upset but more so annoyed at this point. I kept thinking to myself what the f is she doing? She dumped me, moved on with another guy and up till now she's been contacting me trying to establish a friendship. At first i didnt know what to make out of it. I was debating if i should return it or not but i realized that it would just show that i'm still bitter and not over the break up. I realized that ignoring and going NC only gets you so far. I decided that the best thing that i can do is confront her and tell her to leave me alone because she has lost all the privileges when it comes to me and that includes sending me gifts.

 

Now i know for a fact that she is still with that guy but i'm confused about whether he knows or not about what she is doing. If he does know, i feel pity for him because where is his dignity and self respect. I wouldnt want to be with a girl who's still hung on her ex. If he doesnt know, it really speaks volume about her character and personality. Whatever the case, it just proves to me that this breakup was a real blessing in disguise. At first you make struggle but you have to pick yourself up. I've got so many plans right now that the last thing on my mind is a relationship because i've realized that those arent the things you can plan for. If you look for one, you wont find the right kind of relationship.

 

I just hope that she can listen to what i'm trying to say and if she even tries to justify her actions, i've already decided to get up and walk out of there.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Any advice is great advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would not recommend meeting her for a confrontation of any sort.

 

I would simply return the gifts with polite thanks and tell her that it really isn't appropriate to be sending you gifts. Nothing gives an ex the idea that you don't want anything to do with them than polite, cool and emotionless rejection. Anger is an emotion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've done that but it hasnt work. I'm even angry at her or any aspects of the situation. I just want peace of mind and i feel that i need to do this. She's still very immature and i can sense that she is confused. I've thought about it and she's a very anxious person and so are her most of her relationships. She's never satisfied but yet won't let people leave her life on their own terms. It has to be under hers. I've asked for a clean break in when i first went NC but i wasnt too firm. Now i feel that i have to be firm and headstrong in this situation. This was something i didnt have back then.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wouldn't return the gift, and I wouldn't meet with her. I'd just either ignore it altogether or send an email saying "thanks" and that's it. Taking the bait when someone tries contacting you, is still taking the bait, even if all you say is "stop contacting me."

 

Indifference is the goal, and while you may not be angry, you aren't yet truly indifferent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well i guess i'll have to bite this time. In the past, i'd be worried about even coming into contact with her but i feel that now i've got the confidence and i think that's the goal. Running away from a chase only gets you so far. In the end you're going to have to confront your problems and put an end to them. In this case, i want to put an end to this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well i guess i'll have to bite this time. In the past, i'd be worried about even coming into contact with her but i feel that now i've got the confidence and i think that's the goal. Running away from a chase only gets you so far. In the end you're going to have to confront your problems and put an end to them. In this case, i want to put an end to this.

 

 

You've already confronted the problem, and have all the answers that you need. Why do you need to meet her to put an end to this? There is no "chase" here, it's you that is creating one.

 

I would send back the gift, and keep up with "NC." If she's immature, and can't deal with this, then that is NOT your problem, it's hers!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to put it that way, i meant to say is that i feel like i'm being hounded by her which is irritating me. I know that it's not my problem but it seems like she is making it my problem. I'm not looking for clarity or reasons for her behavior. I just want to be left alone and since April i havent been left alone. I've gone NC and yet she still doesnt get the picture. Thus she is making it a problem for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, I get what you're saying, in that now you realize you are at a place where it won't cause you any distress, anger or sad feelings if you see her and tell her to stop the contact, whereas before this you weren't.

 

However, if she hasn't listened to you in the past about NC, why do you think meeting her now and telling her to respect your desire for NC will turn out any different?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^^^which is why DN has the right idea. It's straight and to the point....avoids drama/scenes and any opportunity for her to think she's "engaged you".....sending her a one-sentence note with her gifts back in the mail would be embarrassing for her, I'd imagine. I'm not saying she's a stalker, but they say about stalkers that they think "any sign is a good sign"...don't give her any reason to think she should be contacting you!! She may think any response from you is another green light. Or she may be trying to make herself feel better and less guilty by deciding that you're not *that* mad at her.

Maybe in addition to returning the gifts with the note, tell any mutual friends to back you up on the fact that you are DONE.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would not recommend meeting her for a confrontation of any sort.

 

I would simply return the gifts with polite thanks and tell her that it really isn't appropriate to be sending you gifts. Nothing gives an ex the idea that you don't want anything to do with them than polite, cool and emotionless rejection. Anger is an emotion.

 

I agree and you will be sending a strong message to her. Return the gift. No confrontations...It will probably lead to unwanted feelings.

 

gee

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...