nowonder Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 You know, it's strange, I've never suffered from a break up like this one. My ex broke up with me in the beginning of December 2008. The first week, I was pretty much convinced I would move on and find somebody new. Second week, I was feeling okay, considering the fact. Third week, I keep thinking about reconciling. Forth week, facing the facts and trying to let things go. But since then, it's been back and forth, one moment, I'm thinking it's over, we will never be together again. Probably never see her again or talk to her again. Next moment, I'm thinking maybe when we both get over the pain and heartache that came from the break up and once we both get to where we need to go, maybe we can get back together. What's wrong with me? I want to get my mind in the right direction. The direction is to not think about the chances of getting back with her, but to just let her go for good. I feel like I'm not deciding one way or another yet and this is leading to false hope. I know that once the false hope leaves and the truth settles, the healing process can finally begin and until then I won't be able to move on. Any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fiffy Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Hey I think your feelings are totally normal. I too go through the day thinking how horrible and abusive my ex was and how I want to move on and find a good man. The next minute I am wondering if he is missing me, if he ever thinks about me, if I just change this, this and that............ maybe he will find me attractive and love me. I feel like an absolute nut case! I just know that I am getting a little better each day. It is only a slight touch of a movement of getting better, but at least it is in the right direction. Time is definatley a healer- yes I hate that phrase but its true! I can't wait to hear the feedback to this cause I could sure do with it myself xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushforward Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Nothing wrong with you. I still have these thoughts after 5 months broken up, 3 months NC. It's normal. Have you started NC? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Definitely a normal feeling, I believe. I do the same thing. Then every so often I pop out of it and say: "She ABUSED you. Treated you like crap. But she was nice sometimes too. Have you forgotten ALREADY? Check your phone - read all of those things she said and did to you, how she blew your entire family's christmas over a tantrum, how you had to walk on eggshells all the time. I'll sit here all day and go over the relationship with you and show you what it did to you. Well, I guess you're right. Damn right I'm right. Now go get off your mopey butt and get me a drink." But you get the picture. Just fighting yourself back and forth...it's exhausting. I truly feel that if I found another girl that was interested in me or some other object of my affection that I wouldn't feel so bad. I don't mean a rebound or dating - just that some other girl thinks of me in that special way, you know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowonder Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 this is what happened, we went with only emailing each other for the first couple of weeks, then I had to go and pick up the rest of my stuff and give her the rest of her stuff, that was about 6 weeks ago. The last email I sent to her was on 12/31/08, not wishing her a happy new year or anything. Since then, it's been no contact at all. It's really hard sometimes, she used to be the person I confided in most of the time. And now, when something bad happens or a problem arises, I feel incredibly tempted to pick up the phone or start typing out an email explaining my situation to her looking for some kind of comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick4444 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Hey I think your feelings are totally normal. I too go through the day thinking how horrible and abusive my ex was and how I want to move on and find a good man. The next minute I am wondering if he is missing me, if he ever thinks about me, if I just change this, this and that............ maybe he will find me attractive and love me. I feel like an absolute nut case! I just know that I am getting a little better each day. It is only a slight touch of a movement of getting better, but at least it is in the right direction. Time is definatley a healer- yes I hate that phrase but its true! I can't wait to hear the feedback to this cause I could sure do with it myself xx I agree with you completely. I go back and forth. I know my ex was abusive, an alcoholic, etc.. but sometimes I wonder the same as you. It's tough. She'd say I was the mean/abusive one...but man...that woman could throw remotes like no one's business! Just Tired Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiceinoneyear Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I agree with you completely. I go back and forth. I know my ex was abusive, an alcoholic, etc.. but sometimes I wonder the same as you. It's tough. She'd say I was the mean/abusive one...but man...that woman could throw remotes like no one's business! Just Tired Just Tired - I'm certainly not trying to make light of anyone's pain (I'm only on day 3 of my break up!) but your comment about the remotes was the first time I laughed in those 3 days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Nothing whatsoever is wrong with you. Focus on self-improvement. Try to remake yourself into the best version of you. Try to remember that there was life before her and there will be life after her. A rich, wonderful life, if that is what you choose to pursue. It's normal to go back and forth between feeling like you're accepting it to feeling hopeful about reconciliation. Don't expect yourself to suddenly go in one direction and stick to it. But the better you feel about yourself and the more you work on improving yourself, the more you will be happy with either outcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowonder Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 So over a month ago, I told her to email me and tell me if/when she gets her next period, then today, I receive the email, turns out her period is very extremely late. So late that I stopped expecting the email at all. Suddenly I feel a regression in my process. Last night, my progress was great, it was like a turning point, suddenly I had accepted the break up and felt like everything was going to be okay for me. Then I get the email. It was almost like someone is out to get me. Before we parted ways, we agreed to a six month no contact from the day we last saw each other, except for the period email. The last part of the email was just a parting comment saying that maybe she will receive an email from me sometime in june and hope that I'm taking care of myself. I just feel like this is a big slap in the face. I guess the main thing is that the email was the last piece, known to be the last contact before we actually stop all contacts maybe forever. Of course the choice is up to me to contact her, but at this point I know that any type of friendship that may come up will not work because with me feelings always seem to get in the way. Maybe not this time. Emails are so emotionless. They always leave me wondering if she is hurting also, if she misses me. After all, she was the one that suggested 6 months no contact, because in her experience, it'll take her that long to completely get over a person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.