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Has this ever happened to you?


justletgo07
What If My Ex Wants Me Back - What...
What If My Ex Wants Me Back - What To Do?

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Just wanted to hear people's experiences and thoughts on this:

 

Has anyone ever had your ex (the dumper) encourage you to date other people, or say things like "I don't want to get in the way" or "You should give them (someone else) a chance."? Has your ex (the dumper) ever seemed happy or relieved that you were talking to and/or dating someone else?

 

Have you ever been a dumper that has done this, or felt this way? Was the feeling genuine, or were you hiding how you really felt? Was it because:

 

A) You were feeling guilty and the idea of your ex moving on helped relieve your guilt (either about dumping them, or already having someone else)?

 

B) You were truly over the break up and genuinely wanted your ex to be happy, and thought them dating someone else might be the best for them?

 

C) You were encouraging them to date others to try to gauge their reaction and get them to open up about what they have been doing and who they have been seeing?

 

D) All of the above?

 

If yes to any of the above, how long had you been broken up? Did any of you ever get back together with an ex that did this?

 

Just thought it might make for an interesting thread, plus a smilar situation happeneded to me last week.

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I did it with both exs.

 

First one I was with for 3 years, second one for about 6 months.

 

Both reasons were "B".

 

First one, I wanted him to move on cuz he's a good guy & partially cuz I wanted him to get over me. I'd encourage him to date around & meet other girls, etc.

 

Second one was an amazing person, just not the one for me. I still help him out & advise him when it comes to girls/relationships.

 

However, I think most ppl do this cuz of reason "C".

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The only time I ever cared what my ex did I wanted him to find someone to distract him from feeling badly about me. I even went as far as hinting that I was entering a "date around" phase to make him find me distasteful enough to consider his feelings misplaced. In hindsight it was pretty stupid of me to do that because it only caused confusion. What helped him stop feeling badly (and I really hope he has) was me becoming a happy person again. That's one thing I did right. Whatever it takes for us both to be happy is okay with me, but I'm no longer going to encourage him to find another woman, nor am I going to try and manage his perception of me.

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I guess I could say this has happened to me, and the reasons were A) and E) we were each other's first serious relationship and he wanted to get GIGS out of the way before we made a commitment. I know this kind of thinking wouldn't agree with a lot of people, but our relationship was weird on a lot of levels, but it worked for us. Anyway, we are not back together, but the reason for that is not related to my answer E.

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I've done "B". We just weren't right for each other - she couldn't see it but I knew she was a good and worthwhile person who could make someone else very happy.

 

I could see myself doing "A" though I don't think I've done it. "C" sounds a little too "high-school" for me. After dumping I don't really care that much about what they've been doing.

 

I'm weird though so....

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As a dumper, I've done both A & B. I've had it said to me, but I have no idea what their motivation was, nor did I care.

 

I love the "nor did I care" - so liberating, so freeing, so enpowering. Seriously, not caring or being interested in or curious about the motivations of someone who has rejected you is probably the best possible place to be.

OP, pay attention!!

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I have done B a long time ago. Then when I broke up with who I was seeing I went back to the ex and he said too bad I have met someone else and I am very happy. He then said B to me. Ha! Tables always have a way of turning down the line............

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