coldheart Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Long post alert: Please read with patience Hi guys, I haven't popped in for a while, just been busy with work and what not. If you don't remember me I suffered a bad breakup with who I thought was the love of my life nearly 4 years ago. It took me almost 3 years to move on mentally, but I am alive and have been happily dating for the past couple years. Well I met a nice girl around 5 months ago that I really liked, and the way we met was very peculiar too. She one day saved a number her girlfriend gave her and entered a wrong digit. Well the wrong digit was the correct number to my cell. Long story short we began seeing each other and there was clear indication that we liked each other. She is a younger girl at 20 years of age (I am 28 ). I usually don't date so young, but this girl has her head straight and was very mature. She is a hard-working independent woman who also goes to school and is pursuing a degree in the pharmaceutical industry. In addition, she is very passionate about her religion and apparently keeps a very intimate relationship with god. Now I never had a problem with this, despite having my own beliefs and my own views on religion and god being Christian myself. So our relationship was progressing without a doubt, but I sensed she had issues with me being a successful single guy that lived alone. I think she had security issues by the way she acted sometimes and little comments she mentioned in a few conversations. She is also very shy and would not express her feelings for me very easily although I knew she liked me through her body language not to mention her buying me a few things on her holiday travels. One day she asked to have a talk but refused to come over my house to speak because she wasn’t "feeling too good". Instead she insisted that we speak at a local park where it's nice and quiet. Well long story short, she said that god was first in her life and that he took first priority in all her decisions. This whole time I was very calm and relaxed thinking she wanted to express her feelings. I was cool and collected this entire time, expecting the worst but hoping for the rest. She told me that her feelings had immensely grown for me and that they felt like they were getting stronger every day. She said that the main reason she couldn't ever go into detail with her feelings is because god had transmitted the message that I wasn't the one and that she couldn't understand why and that it was hurting her very much. She also returned a friendship token I had given her. My immediate thought was that it was someone else, but then I started thinking more broadly and thought perhaps she wanted me to initiate a chase for her. She DID mention she was looking for a marriage partner and that god specified that I wasn't going to be the one to marry her. Maybe she saw a sign that I wasn't the commitment type? Well, without further analyzing, I moved on and never called her back. Ten days after that talk I received some texts from her saying things like: Everything reminds me of you, as much as I try I cannot forget you, humma humma humma. Well, 2 days after that, (This past Sunday night) She again texted me with questions about "Did I throw away her gifts, do I still care, why did I let her go so easily, etc..." This is all confusing, since it's her that wanted to "friend zone" the relationship. I simply backed away and decided to move on since there is no point in being friends with somebody you like. I am not going to stand around and be a field-filler or a spare tire or even a sounding board for her, I'm too old for that anyway. So she ended her texts saying "thank you for speaking to me today, I was yearning to hear from you". (Referring to my text answers on why I moved on and didn't look back). Thanks to all who read through this and can offer advice. Sigh... -JT Link to comment
DN Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 She seems very conflicted. But the fact is that if you were to fight for her and win the chances are that her conscience about her god would cause many problems with a relationship. "Why did you let her go so easily"? is somewhat manipulative. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 What kind of advice do you need? 1 - she met you from a wrong number. 2 - she said that her "God" told her to break it off with you. 3 - she then is pissed off that you "let her go" She's a nutcase, hon. Borderline certifiable. Consider yourself LUCKY to have gotten out of this early and unscathed. Link to comment
Tethys Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 It sounds to me that she no longer wanted to date you, and used "god" as an excuse. Later, she missed you, and sent all those texts. So, yes, as DN, said, she is conflicted. Yes, she is young, but this happens to people of all ages -- it's how they handle it that's different. I'd be wary of getting involved with her again -- you can try, but keep some distance, until she figures out what she wants. Link to comment
whes Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Wow, talk about mixed signals. This could be a case of her heart wanting to be with you but her mind telling herthat you aren't the one for her. Don't be so quick to bash the "God telling her" thing: this is often what other people call their instinctual feelings or inside voice. Just with some people it is stronger because they listen to it more. Her belief is clearly very important to her, and since you do not share that connection, she doesn't want to be involved with you in the long term: this is complicated by the fact that she wants you. She just doesn't want to be with you. If she is really conflicted, I'd make the decision easy for her. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 What kind of advice do you need? 1 - she met you from a wrong number. 2 - she said that her "God" told her to break it off with you. 3 - she then is pissed off that you "let her go" She's a nutcase, hon. Borderline certifiable. Consider yourself LUCKY to have gotten out of this early and unscathed. Agree 100% God doesn't give relationship advice...if he did, why is there ENA? Link to comment
DN Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 I don't think she is a nutcase but she does need to differentiate between the spiritual and the corporeal. Until she can do that you need to keep your head firmly out of the clouds. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 I don't think she is a nutcase but she does need to differentiate between the spiritual and the corporeal. Until she can do that you need to keep your head firmly out of the clouds. You don't think she's nutty? I think anyone who proclaims that God told them ANYTHING is having a major psychotic episode. As far as I knew, God only spoke to Moses... But, people who hear voices, and believe that God is talking to them, are schizophrenic. She is NOT well... Link to comment
DN Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Well, no. Otherwise any priest, rabbi, mullah, nun or lay preacher who felt a calling would be in that same category. Let's not get into a religious debate. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Well, no. Otherwise any priest, rabbi, mullah, nun or lay preacher who felt a calling would be in that same category. Let's not get into a religious debate. I never heard a clergyman say that they are channeling messages from God... Link to comment
DN Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Ok - well let's leave it there. Link to comment
coldheart Posted January 27, 2009 Author Share Posted January 27, 2009 Thanks for all the useful advice guys. My close friends at first told me that she was a nutjob, but then after further evaluating her actions they told me she probably just knows what she wants and she perceives her inner feeling as a message from god. Either way, I don't like the idea of reciprocating her contacts. I have better things to do with my time to be wasting it on treading water with her. I think I am just going to either be very casual on text message conversations, or not acknowledge her at all. What do you all think is better? Thanks for your time. -JT Link to comment
FloatingAnchor Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Probably better to not acknowledge her at all. Responding might encourage her. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Cut her off entirely. And if she asks, tell her that your God told you it was the right thing to do. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Cut her off entirely. And if she asks, tell her that your God told you it was the right thing to do. and if you really want to shake things up, tell her your DOG told you it was the right thing to do (heh heh) Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 I seriously thought god told me what to do once but as it turned out the advice was crap. At this point I think I was so lost and empty at the time I was incapable of sorting my thoughts rationally. One thing I will say, following god's advice eventually led me to the truth but the cost to myself and others was high. I do know one thing, I will never again make a life-changing decision without the counsel of someone (I can see) who's opinion I trust even if I am doubly or triply sure. Link to comment
servedcold Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 So her faith and supposed revelation was compelling enough for her to hurt your feelings, but not compelling enough to keep her from salving her own feelings with continued contact? She is young, but IMO, this kind of thing will come up again and again. I'd walk on. Link to comment
coldheart Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 So her faith and supposed revelation was compelling enough for her to hurt your feelings, but not compelling enough to keep her from salving her own feelings with continued contact? She is young, but IMO, this kind of thing will come up again and again. I'd walk on. I thought I was over-analizing when I reflected upon this. Thank god I am not the only one that saw this. Yeah I am moving on... it's hard because I really liked her, but I'm moving on. Link to comment
SpaceGray Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 and if you really want to shake things up, tell her your DOG told you it was the right thing to do (heh heh) LOL, and the squirrels too. Link to comment
coldheart Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 She sent me a text, a myspace comment, and a myspace message giving me a guilt trip about "I know you don't want to see me or for me to come to your house but just wanted to say God bless and if you can at least give me your mailing address to send you your birthday card" I didn't acknowledge it and it's been 2 days now. Should I have? Link to comment
DN Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 No. What would be the point? If she wants to feel good about herself she can pray. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Why DID you let her go so easily? You said yourself maybe she wanted you to initiate a chase, girls want to be chased... Do you even still like her? you're talking about her like she's a nuisance.. Link to comment
DN Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Never compete with someone's god. One way or another you will lose even if she were to choose you over her god. The only way this will work is if she genuinely loses her faith or decides she didn't understand her god properly. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I actually don't believe this is about any god, this is about something she's scared of and she's hiding behind her religion. Jmo. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 A girl from my school (raised Hindu) was after a man (raised Christian) for marriage. When she started nagging him, he said "I think, my God is telling me to take a break from all this and figure some things out on my own." Next all school heard that they eloped to Las Vegas on a Sabbath day and got married. So, no, you can choose to compete with any God and there still is a possibility that you would win. (b'coz if I understand it correctly, God gives free will) My view on this is - if her heart/her God/her gut is telling her to not do something, leave her alone, no need to stay in touch even as a friend. Such people scare me, honestly. I consider myself a believer and I believe that people do hear from God. But if she is really hearing from God, she should be much calmer, consistent, decent, and sincere person, right? If she is swaying sometime this way, sometime the other way, what does that say about her belief in what she has heard from her God? I'm afraid, later on would she again use God as an excuse? Can she even rationalize her own thinking other than God telling her so? Just let go and move on to someone else. Link to comment
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