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My ex and I dated on and off for 3.5 years. Well, he chased me for practically our entire freshmen year in college and I was his gf for 3 months till I broke it off during the summer going on to our sophomore year. I was confused and didn't know what I want. Plus, I was home during that summer and I don't deal well with long distance relationship since he always got jealous really easily. He chased me for an additional 6 months, and I finally caved in. Man, he was acting so psychotic...he called me like five times aday, wrote long emails, was always leaving me hella voice mail messages. We dated again all the way till end of junior year, when I decided to call it off because he was not giving me enough space. However, we still practically acted like we were together with me always sleeping over and us hanging out as if we hadn't broken up.

 

The worst part of all is that we were seeing each other beginning of this year again until he called it off during winter break. Before winter break, We even went to Tahoe together with our friends and stuff. He told me that he still care about me and what not. 4 days after spending time together at tahoe, he told me that he is beginning to like someone else.

 

I was shocked and hurt. Actually, he didn't tell me but I had asked him if he liked anyone and he said yes. How could he possibly like her after being around her for four days? She traveled abroad this fall quarter and didn't come back until winter break. I guess they had worked together during the summer but never really hung out or anything.

 

I can't believe how sudden everything was. When he told me, i was too hurt to even beg or cry for him back. I'm really stubborn and I hate appearing needy. I only spoke to him 3 or 4 times during my break and that was it. I knew that he had spent new years and went on double dates with her. All I Could do was sit back and not do anything because I don't want to force him to be with me.

 

well, when I got back to school, I met up with him and he told me how much he still cares about me and he started crying saying how hard he had tried to make things work, but we always fought. The weirdest thing was instead of being mad or angry. I started to laugh things off and told him that it was okay. We talked everyday that week, but i knew that I couldn't move on hearing things about him and her. THus, i initiated NC without telling him and he called me everyday for four days consecutively...I finally told him that I don't know how he could possibly move on so quickly and he told me that he still wanted to be friends and what not.

 

Even though he is now seeing her, he still tells me that it's hard for him for he still feels as though he's cheating on me when he is with her. Not only that, he said that it's different with me, because in the beginning when he got with me, he said that he knew that he ONLY wanted to be with me. However, with her, he told me that he felt as though he could cheat on her. He said that he was confused about everything and that at times, he was starting to second guess his decision. My response was simply "You've already made your decision". I don't believe in having to fight for love even though I trully care about him and I've realized the mistakes that made. I think that if he truly loves me he will come back. The worst part was the girl's lil sister called me a psycho ex on facebook and basically messaged me to back off and leave things as they are. I was furious because I was NOT even the one calling him, he was calling me. On her facebook, she has pictures of them hanging out during new years and him kissing her forehead. It hurts having to see that...so i removed him as a friend so that I wouldn't see anymore updates.

 

can you give me some advice? Can he really replace me that easily within four days?? Does he still have feelings for me? or is he fed up with everything ?? I haven't talked to him in a week because I am trying to move on and also at the same, I don't want to intrude the process of their relationship and having that affect me negatively.

 

I am really confused right now and I would appreciate any advice you guys could give me

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It sounds to me like the relationship you had with him was not very healthy. He was too needy and you were too distant..which fed into his neediness and made it worse. Over time this distancing and "I could take you or leave you" behaviour results in the other person getting fed up and starting to harden their heart. It is possible this is what happened to him...he was getting fed up so when someone else showed him interest he became more interested in that person. However, it sounds like he jumped into it more because his ego had taken a beating in his relationship with you. He is clearly not ready to be with someone else but since he is needy he ran to this other person so that he could feel better. Quite frankly I think both of you need time alone to figure out what healthy relationships are all about. Now that he is with someone else you do need to back away.

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I agree with the previous poster.

I think you both need time to grow. It sounds like you have a strong bond but that it's always been about him chasing you and you distancing. Maybe he needs to feel needed and tat someone finds him good enough and worthy of interest. it doesn,t matter what he feels for this other girl. What matters is how you set up boundaries and communication between the 2 of you.

I am not clear on what you want from this man at this point.

I understand you were heurt about him having met someone else, and I think you should be more transparent with him about how you feel about it instead of brushing it off and laughing and then avaoiding him.

If you really care about each other, you should be able to tell each other the truth about how you really FEEL.

If you want no contact, then tell him. Tell him your needs and wants. Don't just start ignoring him, becasue then to me it is just playing a game to try to control the other person.

PLease explain your situation to us better so we can help you. tell us what you are trying to get clear about.

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I agree with the previous poster.

PLease explain your situation to us better so we can help you. tell us what you are trying to get clear about.

 

I still want to be with him, but I am that he doesn't feel the same anymore. I was just in shock by how fast the pace of their relationship was. I'm giving him space, so that he will know what he wants in the end.

 

I think i will back out of the picture because i believe that if he still does love me and miss me, he will call or try to initiate contact. I am a lover, not a fighter. If it's meant to be, then he will come back in due time. As of right now, I will just leave him alone.

 

Also, do you think it's possible for him to forget everything that we've shared within this past 4 years because he has a new girl by his side now? Will it make him miss me more or will it just reconfirm his own decision? I wonder (and hope) from time to time that this new girl is just a mere replacement. He must feel flattered to have another pretty girl (not as much as me ) to like him.

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I don't have the answer.

 

Can he forget? Probably. people choose to do that sometimes.

 

Will having a girl by his side make him want you more? No idea . Only him and time can tell.

 

My ex just met someone else a week ago. she is going on his msn profile and posting how she is his girl friend and loves him etc., and just last night he told me he was angry at her because he feels like she doens't even pay any attention to him / have time to see him. he feels rejected . She is like this 15 y o kid. My ex is 22. I cannot believe it. I felt like something was ripped out of my chest when I read her comment. She then posted about a picture, saying how beautiful his ex gf was (and it wasn't me in the pic, it was a coworker at a staff party, but she assumed it was his ex), and how now that SHE was his gf, how would he like it if she put up a pic of her ex, ... She isn,t even his gf. Lats night he told me they saw each other a few times and he wants to break it off. She seems so immaature and manipulative. He keeps saying he has feelings for me etc....

 

Best is no contatc until the person knows what they want. If this is what you feel is best, live your life and see what happen. Just talk to him if you must, so that you do not have to ignore his calls and hurt him. explain that you want no contact.

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1MoreChance, I know the same pain you are going through because the girl my ex is seeing right now has pictures of them holding and kissing each other all over her facebook. I think it's pretty immature of them to do that. I also think it's their indirect way of telling us that our exs are theirs and that we should back off because they are happy with each. A picture says more than anything, well that how it is for me

 

I don't think those type of relationships work out in the long run because how can someone jump from a long term relationship to a new one within a week without carrying baggage of side emotions from the last one. I don't think my ex has fully dealt with his emotions properly when he moved on that quickly. He will soon regret it, but I will no longer be here.

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Littlerain

 

I don't know if my ex will regret anything, but I do know that that relationship is unhealthy. she is like 15 and looks manipulative! As if you refuse to spend time with the guy, and then you go and post "I love you babe" on his profile and *assume* that a pic is of his ex and make the comments she did ("I am glad I am not posting a pic of my ex"), like trying to make him feel guilty and she doens't even know for sure it's hi ex gf (and it isn't BTW, it's a coworker) and they've only been seeing each other like 8 days. I hate her for trying to hurt him. but he doesn't want me and he is old enough to defend himself. I MUST stay out of it.

 

Hang in there sweetie. Give it time.

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Littlerain

 

she is like 15 and looks manipulative! As if you refuse to spend time with the guy, and then you go and post "I love you babe" on his profile and *assume* that a pic is of his ex and make the comments she did ("I am glad I am not posting a pic of my ex"), like trying to make him feel guilty and she doens't even know for sure it's hi ex gf (and it isn't BTW, it's a coworker) and they've only been seeing each other like 8 days. I hate her for trying to hurt him. but he doesn't want me and he is old enough to defend himself. I MUST stay out of it.

 

Hang in there sweetie. Give it time.

 

She is acting this way because she is still threatened by your existence. When girls are insecure and threatened, they resort to lower levels of attempt to make the other girl mad.

 

Yes, only time will heal. We will come out stronger because we don't need to rely on others like our exes to define who we are as people.

 

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Little rain u re so right. My ex has given me mixed messages for months now, and tho I luv him dearly and recognize he s an amazing perosn, he is being so passive. I need to take time off. I cannot believ he is with a 15 yo bimbo. At ist I wanted to reply something, but I am not. As a matter of fact, this is what is prompting me to cut things off. When I take my space he gives me hope, when I am calling himm a lot and tellin ghim I love him he pushes me away. So screw it. It,s over. If he comes back later we ll see. Right now tho I am overwhelmed with grief I have to let him go. HE is the one THROWING IT ALL AWAY.

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"We will come out stronger because we don't need to rely on others like our exes to define who we are as people"

 

That is my whole peupose an dlesson from all this (and the relationship itself): love ME more. Be more of ME. Then, mor love will come and be shared. I wish yu the same.

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